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Four couples share their stories of how
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he heart-shaped boxes of Whitman Samplers cluttering the aisles at drug-
stores around town this month remind us that
we are
optimistic about
percent
for ever
first marriages.
Day
071Valentine's
that exceeds 40
billion
rate
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that
divorce
spent an estimated
love, despite a
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Last year, A771eriCaThS
gifts, according to the National Retail Federbettheft
gure will be exceeded this year, which would
fi While, as Jews, we may not "celebrate" Valentine's Day, that won't stop many of
spending in three years.
us from buying our sweethearts flowers, chocolates and other love-related bric-a-
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We pro-
there true love, the kind that endures through thick
and thin, sickness
to investigate.
brae.
Red Thread decided greed to shared with
So, is
and
health, and for better or
worse?
different
marriage,
whoa of pressures that tear
attuned stages
to the of other
in the face
in
filed four couples, each stay
to
us how they manage
there is none. Yet, each couple shares something in
so many couples apart. out
common:
most part,
their spouse's fam-
together.
The big They
secret: really
Turns like their spouses and, for the staying
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COUPLE: HARRIET AND KEN RICH
COUPLE: LINDSEY AND MARTY MADDIN
Residence: Farmington Hills
Residence: Huntington Woods
Years married: 51
Years married: 3y2
Children: Michael, 50; Jill, 49; and Amy, 47; four grandchildren
Children: Brody, 16 months
Back story: Met at a Temple Beth El dance. He was given her phone number
by a co-worker at the pharmacy where he worked, on Dexter Avenue in
Detroit. The paper with her number was folded into a small square and tucked
neatly in his pocket. He hadn't mustered up the nerve to call her before he
set off for that evening As it turned out, he didn't need to; she gave him her
phone number that night — and they got engaged five months later. The
couple married in 1959.
"She was the first girl I ever met that I felt so free in conversation; all I had
to do was listen. I enjoyed her company from the very first time I met her,"
says Ken, 80.
When she knew she loved him: While they were driving to the Fisher
Theatre on one of their first dates, Ken pulled his car over to the side of the
road to help two young women change a flat tire. Another time, he pulled over
to help an older woman cross the street.
Personalities: She talks; he listens. "I read a book once about happy
marriages that said the best marriages are between the oldest and the
youngest (children). He's the youngest, and I'm the oldest. When you're the
oldest, you're used to bossing people around. If I had married somebody with
my personality, it never would have lasted," says Harriet, 77.
Favorite place: The Riches
pack up sandwiches and their
Rummikub game and head to the
Franklin green.
Bumps in the road: Ken was
a pharmacist who worked long
hours, which meant Harriet was
alone with three young children.
"But, I loved having kids. I loved
being a mother," Harriet says.
Ken can't recall any strife in
the marriage, but he shudders
when he thinks about her long
hospital stay in 1998. She was
seriously ill, and he couldn't do
anything for her but visit every
day.
Strategies for making the
marriage work: "Don't fight
over trivial things; it's not
worth it," Ken says. Says
Harriet: "If anybody wants a
marriage as happy as mine,
they should marry Ken."
Back story: Lindsey's mother, Jo Rosen, was visiting
her daughter in Chicago in 2003. While there, Rosen
went to have a pair of pants altered and overheard a
woman in the shop talking about having three single
sons.
She asked if any of them lived in Chicago and gave
the woman Lindsey's phone number. A month or so
later, Lindsey was out with friends and, by hap-
penstance, met a guy named "Marty," who had just
moved to Chicago after graduating from law school.
A few weeks later, Marty called "Lindsey," whose
phone number his mother had given him; she asked
if she could call him back — and dialed a friend to
see if "Marty Maddin" was the guy they met at the
Grotto a few weeks prior.
Marty, in the meantime, thought Lindsey was
blowing him off. She finally called him back, and the
two pieced it together; another great "how we met" story was born.
Marty later found a photograph from his summer as a teen service staffer at Camp
Tamarack. Standing next to him in the picture — a 13-year-old Lindsey Rosen.
"We call it freaky; our parents call it beshert," says Marty, 34. They wed in July
2007.
Personalities: "We're both social and talkative," says Marty. "We're both very re-
spectful on many levels. We recognize that we're a team. A lot of stuff needs to get
done so we do whatever it takes."
Lindsey, 30, calls Marty a very good listener, a person of great integrity, while he
calls her incredibly supportive, caring and tuned in to other people's needs.
Stressors: When Marty quit practicing law to become a business coach, Lindsey
says, it was tough explaining the move to family and friends, but she knew he'd be
successful. In his first job as a coach, Marty spent part of each month in Grand Rap-
ids. Lindsey, a senior solutions consultant at ePrize, didn't like the frequent separa-
tions and half-joked about getting another husband on the east side of the state.
Strategies for making the marriage work: Going out for dinner as a couple is es-
sential. "We believe you're either growing together or growing apart so we're invested
in doing fun things together," says Marty. "As the saying goes, 'Happy parents, happy
kids.'
Favorite place: The Maddins like going to the Royal Oak Farmers Market, cooking
together and hanging out with friends.
Advice for other married couples: "It sounds generic, but communication is very
important," Lindsey says. "You can't change someone so it's about learning to live
with the things that bug you."
Marty says couples need to keep investing in each other and to respect that the
other is working just as hard as the other.
O
24 February 2011 I
4.
RED 11111LIID
www.redthreadmagazine.com