ECONOMY
OH, SISYPHUS!
The Business of Marriage
A healthy marriage is a full-time job — with benefits.
By Rebecca Zusel
PRESENTS
BRIAN WILLIAMS
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Appearance
ow we connect with others, both voca-
tionally and personally, is ever evolving.
For most of us, though, our principal
relationship is with a spouse or significant
other. The strength of that relationship
depends, in large measure, on how we
understand the other — and ourselves.
The courtship phase — always one of the
most fun — is filled with lots of promises:
romance, intimacy and a future full of love
and partnership. But what happens when
the honeymoon is over? Do you and your
partner have the tools to make it through
the long haul?
After the first year
of marriage, chock-a-
block with congratu-
lations and unso-
licited advice from
friends and strangers
alike, the honeymoon
phase starts to wane
as real life kicks in.
Get ready — because
now is when marriage
really begins.
To figure out if you
and your betrothed
have the right tools to
navigate through the
unpredictable waters
of marriage, let's take a look at some of the
big reasons why couples have problems.
Generally, couples seek therapy, or face
separation, due to problems involving
communication, finances, sex and parent-
ing kids.
The big deal breakers tend to involve
issues relating to addiction, infidelity and
abuse (physical and/or mental).
So, no one told you that being married
was going to be this hard? Guess what?
It takes a lot of work to make a marriage
successful. Perhaps, then, it's not surprising
why the divorce rate is so high. The concept
of working on a marriage (or partnership) is
exactly that — work!
In my practice, I've found the No. 1 reason
most relationships fail is a breakdown of the
relationship's cornerstone: communication.
While that may not sound surprising, the
question newlyweds should ask themselves
is how to avoid getting trapped in a pattern
of poor communication, which inevitably
leads to marital discord.
First, be honest. Be honest with yourself
about what you really want out of the rela-
tionship. Having unrealistic expectations of
yourself and your partner isn't going to do
anyone any favors.
Here is an example: If you expect there
will always be time for a "girls' night out,"
set the expectation early. Let your partner
know that time spent with friends is impor-
tant to you — and for your relationship with
him. If he understands your needs early on,
there shouldn't be a fight about it later.
Second, develop good coping skills.
This can be a little tricky because coping
skills are learned early on; but, if you don't
have them, they can
be learned. Simply
stated, a coping skill
is a way of dealing,
and it needs to be
tweaked from time to
time.
If your first instinct
is to become de-
fensive when your
partner tells you
something that you
perceive is negative
or critical, try not to
"react!' Instead, take it
in and process what
your partner is saying.
Try and understand
his or her thought — and the courage it
takes for sharing it with you. Of course, it
sounds easier than it is in practice.
Last, be your own advocate. Say what it
is you need and want in the relationship.
Believe it or not, our partners are not mind
readers. (I know, I thought mine was, too!)
We have to ask for what we need and not
expect to get it any other way.
Here is the bottom line: It all comes back
to communication. Don't expect that you
and your spouse won't fight; that's not
realistic. It's how you fight that's important.
Remember: Fight fair. No name calling, and,
if you can, sprinkle in a "honey" or"sweetie"
to soften the blows.
It takes years to master a healthy, mean-
ingful sense of self; it takes a lifetime to
build a strong marriage. Remember, it's a
marathon not a sprint, and the work you
put in is the reward you get out! aT
REBECCA ZUSEL, LMSW, is a licensed clinical social
worker. She and her husband, Matt, live in West Bloom-
field with their three kids, ages Z 4 and 2. To learn more,
visit her website at ahand2help.com .
DIY WEDDING VIDEOS FROM PAGE 14
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videos; or they can opt to have Wedit
professionally design a video, replete with
digital bells and whistles, including music.
"Sharing memories with family and
friends is simple, whether they commu-
nicate online or prefer a more traditional
method," said DeMarrais.
Wedit, which launched in the summer
of 2010, was made possible by a grant
from Bizdom U, the business school
created by Quicken Loans founder Dan
Gilbert. Bizdom, funded in part by Gilbert,
with assistance from the Kauffman Foun-
dation and the New Economy Initiative,
trains budding entrepreneurs how to start
and grow a successful, innovative business
that must be based in Detroit.
Wedit's office is located in the Bizdom
headquarters, near the Wayne State Uni-
versity campus, in Detroit's Midtown.
Molly and Nick Reeser of Ferndale chose
to use the service for their destination-
weekend wedding near St. Joseph, Mich.,
in June 2010.The couple said they were
extremely satisfied with Wedit; they
recorded events that went beyond just the
ceremony and reception.
"Wedit worked out perfectly because
Brett gave us the cameras to use for the
entire weekend to capture all of the fes-
tivities," she said. "The cameras are easy to
operate, and Wedit created a three-minute
video for us — a
real professional
job. We've found it
easy to add scenes I
to it."
As its name implies, the company
primarily has focused its energy on the
wedding market. However, DeMarrais
says, the brisk business has emboldened
him to expand beyond his original model
and branch out into other celebratory af-
fairs, like b'nai mitzvah, anniversary parties
and other events.
The West Bloomfield High School and
University of Michigan alum says the
economics of his service make sense."It's
a great price"— about the same as buying
two flip video cameras on your own —
"when you realize most couples now pay
video photographers about $1,500 to
$3,000 to do an average wedding," DeMar-
rais pointed out.
Many times a new service takes an
existing idea and finds a more innovative
approach. Of course, do-it-yourself, while
less expensive, isn't always an apples-
to-apples comparison to a professional
offering. There is, arguably, value in hiring
an expert — and wedding videos are no
exception.
In this case: Behind-the-lens talent not
included. RT
www.redthreadmagazine.com