COMMUNITY
POST-DATE POST
You Can't Make This Stuff Up
By Harry Kirsbaum
Editor's Note; Our newest offering is a glimpse into the world
of dating and the crazy antics that befall those who are within
its gravitational pull. Titled "Post-Date Post," and edited by the
sweet but snarky Harry Kirsbaum, this column will leave you
wanting more — and bewildered that people still date. Enjoy!
Raising the bar for
custom homebuilding
and fine renovations..
elcome to the Post-Date Post, a column founded on the premise: It's either a good
date or a great story.
Men, women — gays, straights, even Marxists, atheists and felons — have one: a
dating story that produces howls of laughter, tears of joy or a "WTF" response. Every month,
this column will post the most memorable dating stories found on postdatepost.com .
I'M DONE WITH THIS COUNTRY
Luba was the newest of five Russian room-
mates living in a three-bedroom apart-
ment in Farmington Hills.
After only three weeks at her new job,
she met a guy while at lunch who asked
her out to dinner. He picked her up after
work; she declared she'd be home by mid-
night. The following morning, her room-
mates awoke to find their friend had yet to
return from her tryst.
One of the roommates, who was study-
ing at home for an exam when Luba
eventually did return, noted that Luba
looked as if she had escaped from a mental
institution. Her hair was a mess, her nylons
had runs, her dress was dirty — and, in her
hands, she held her high heels, sans heels.
She said nothing — just dropped her
shoes and went to the bathroom to shower
off the experience. When she emerged,
clad only in her bathrobe, Luba walked to
the freezer, removed a bottle of vodka and
started drinking straight from the bottle.
"I'm going back to Russia," she said
after a few long gulps."I'm done with this
country."
Apparently, her date had taken her to
dinner; and after good food, and many
drinks, drove the couple to his house — a
mansion on a private lake.
After a tour, he cracked open a bottle of
champagne, sat on the couch and made a
toast to their blossoming romance. He had
a few sips then said he'd be right back.
She was feeling a bit tipsy and very
happy. She admired the large den and
its parquet floors. She took note of the
stunning lake views, replete with a boat
slip and sandy beach, through the room's
floor-to-ceiling windows.
After a few more sips, she started to hear
classical music. When the door opened, the
music became loud.
Showtime.
Wearing nothing but in-line skates and
a hard-on, Luba's date rolled up and asked
her to kindly pull him around the room by
his penis.
She ran shrieking in the opposite direc-
tion, out the front door, and didn't stop
until she made it home. She cried for about
a month.
After earning enough money to buy
a return ticket to her hometown, Luba
boarded a plane back to Mother Russia —
where she remains to this day.
THE CLASSIC
"I was new in town and everybody was
setting me up. There was this one guy,
and since I like classical music — and he
www.redthreadmagazine.com
played classical music — my friend said,
'Why don't you go on a date?'
"She didn't know him very well, but I
said/OK:
"The guy comes to the door and he's
nice enough looking, and we went out for
coffee. He was very odd. The conversation
wasn't flowing, you know, [he] couldn't
even talk about the weather — and it was
just very odd.
"So finally we start talking about clas-
sical music. I'm not a fan of Mozart, that
kind of thing. I like Shostakovich, Rimsky-
Korsakov, like Russians — I just like a dif-
ferent kind of sound. Beethoven is OK.
"So he's getting really angry with me,
telling me how much better his composers
are, and how I don't know anything about
classical music, and he says,'I think Ralph
Vaughan Williams is a great composer:
"And he's really angry.
"Ok, so I think I'm going to just let this
pass and try to get the topic back to the
weather or something.
"I just couldn't wait for this date to be
over — he's just a major creeper.
"So he takes me to my door and says,
'Can I come in for a minute?'
"Ohhhh, I'm thinking,'Oh God, no,
please.
"So I say,'Well, OK, just for a minute.
"So I'm thinking he'll come in just to see
that I'm in, and he'll leave.
"So he sits next to me on the couch. and
he says, 'Can I tell you something hon-
estly?'
"And I'm thinking, 'Oh, get him out of
my house:
"He says, 'I haven't actually been, you
know, on a date with a girl for about 15
years.
"And I'm thinking,'This is like Friday the
13th in my own living room.
"And I said, 'Oh?'
"And he said, 'The last time I was actu-
ally interested in someone, I was a teacher
and she was 14 years old.
"I said,'Oh, no, you gotta get out. Out!'
"And I threw him out the door.
"I kind of needed a bath after that." R7
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How To Submit
Have a funny date story?
Enjoy the luxury of
anonymity by submitting your
story to postdatepost.com,
and share with the rest of us
how funny crazy is.
See you in January.
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