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September 02, 2010 - Image 50

Resource type:
The Detroit Jewish News, 2010-09-02

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• Don't miss the dating advice on the SINGLES SCENE. • Find all your family needs on the FAMILY SCOOP.
• Stay in touch with networking trends by reading MICHIGAN BUSINESS. • Land a job on the JOB HUNT page.



A Great Place To Live. A Great Place To Be Jewish.

ly dependent on the couple. I've known some
couples to date for six or seven years before
even going ring shopping and then others
who date three or four months and then —
boom — chupah. The reason there is no clear
cut (preferably 2 carat, princess cut) answer
is that no one can determine that level in
your relationship, that readiness to take it to
the next level, except for the two participants
themselves. Make sure when you are taking
those vows they are forever, and not because
you saw an opening in Paul Cohen's catering
schedule at Shaarey Zedek. You should at the
very least make sure that you both have the
same future in mind.

Need some
advice? Are
you looking
for solutions
for troubling
run-ins and
dealing with
family and
Yenta's here with her
youthful perspective.

her feel closer to the pair of you and begin to
build a closer relationship between you both.

Q: I'm 37 years old and a divorced
mother of two daughters. I've been dat-
ing this guy for about 6 months now
and we both seem to really be into each
other. We have fun together and have a
lot in common. How long do you think
is a good waiting period before I intro-
duce him to my children?

A: Dear Dating Mom. If you're a single

mom, whether newly divorced, widowed or
been without a partner for a long time, it is
likely that you will eventually begin dating
again. This obvious concern for the right
way to bring a new person into your child is
grand. There are several things to consider.
How soon is too soon? Are you recently
separated? Your children need time to first
get acquainted with the idea of no longer
being a family unit and adjusting to their
new routine before you bring someone new
to the mix.
Also consider your children's ages. Younger
children might not have as hard of a time
accepting someone new at home as a teen-
ager or young adult would.
Before making any introductions, ask your-
self whether or not your new relationship is
long-term. Even if you are not per say look-
ing to tie the knot right now, when getting
children involved, you don't want a revolving
door of people in and out of their life. Make
sure you're only introducing them to the
potential Mr. Right's.

Q: My new mother-in-law and I don't
get along very well; she doesn't seem
too thrilled at all to have a new daugh-
ter. What are some ways that I can get
on her good side and better our rela-

To ask Yenta your
question, e-mail yenta@
thejewishnews.com and
look for your question
here in this column!


Q: I've been in a serious relation-
ship for 14 months. When do you think
is "long-enough" for a couple to be
together before he pops the question?

A: Dear Walk Me Down The Aisle. The

time you date before getting engaged, and
then the length of your engagement is entire-

Dear Monster-In-Law Woe's. Don't
take this behavior personally. Most likely, it's
not that you're mother-in-law is not excited
about having a new daughter; she is merely
worried about having a new woman in her
sons' life. She sees you having married her
son as her being replaced and her role in his
life being diminished. Until you have warmed
up to her, make sure she still feels needed in
her maternal role. Even if you don't require
the help, ask her questions about her son,
what's his favorite... how does he like his...
where should I go to get... The simple act of
involving her in your weekly life will make

The Grass Is Always Greener .

Just watch where you step.

"Sometimes I really miss being single," my
best friend whined as I excitedly shared the
details of my most recent date over fluffy egg
white omelettes. "I miss the excitement of all
those firsts."
I stared at her in horror. Or I would have
had the glare from her massive engagement
ring not been burning my retinas. Was she
crazy? Delusional? Having some sort of
hemorrhage that would require one of the 12
doctors inevitably seated around us to save
her life?
Don't get me wrong: I enjoy living the
single life, but it's a means to an end. I don't
want to be single forever, struggling to rub
aloe on my back after a long day at the pool.
All those firsts are indeed exciting (especially
that first, earth-shattering smooch), but the
only reason I'm even having them is the hope
that one will be my last.

What my friend is experiencing (amidst
the stress of planning a Jewish wedding in
West Bloomfield, oy) is The Grass Is Always
Greener syndrome. She's happy with her
life, but she looks over the fence and sees all
the excitement, glamour and good stuff that
comes with being single.
But let me tell you, it's not all rainbows
and chocolate cakes over here.
The truth is, being single is like an episode
of Chelsea Lately. It's pretty boring with a
few zingers thrown in now and then. When
my friend hears me talk about my date with
the 6'5" Canadian dreamboat, she's not hear-
ing about the 2 weeks before that when
my nights were spent watching The Real
Housewives while surfing JDate for a guy that
wasn't creepy/friends with my brothers in
high school.
And when she misses out on a girls' night,

when all of our single friends hit the town,
she has no idea I went home alone and
burned the roof of my mouth on a frozen
pizza. She doesn't see the times I struggle to
zip up my dress, I nearly throw out my back
pulling up my Spanx before another first
date, or cry when that guy never calls me
She doesn't remember what it's like to like
someone and drive yourself crazy wonder-
ing if they feel the same. Or to be the only
single person at a table full of couples. Then
again, as I catch a glimpse of her ring out of
the corner of my eye (with my sunglasses on)
and hope and pray to have that for myself
one day, there's probably a lot I'm not seeing
Like a severe shortage of free dinners.

Alana and Aaron Beals

MAZEL TOV to Aaron Beals

(28, West Bloomfield) and Alana
Slotnick (29, New York, NY) on their
recent marriage!
Aaron was the 1,000th mem-
ber to become engaged through
SawYouAtSinai.com .
Aaron and Alana were married on
Aug. 11, 2010. Aaron works in set-
ting up vanity phone numbers at ®ing
®ing, LLC; Alana works in fashion
merchandising at Adjmi Apparel
"While there are a handful of Jewish
dating websites out there, I highly
recommend SawYouAtSinai.com ,"
Aaron says. "What makes SYAS differ-
ent from the other dating sites is that
they offer you two matchmakers, real
people that can help find you a match.
You are required to put references, the
synagogue that you attend and other
detailed information about yourself.
The site has taken the traditional
Jewish matchmaking process into an
online format.
"I almost made finding a mate a
full-time job. I think people need to
take dating just as seriously as they
would if they were looking for a career.
"'Ultimately, without the help of
Hashem, success would be impos-
sible. I am very thankful for meeting
my wife, Alana, on SYAS and I hope
others will be as lucky as I was. Just
remember, you are not the only one
searching for a mate, and all it takes is
one. With this mindset, failure is not
an option!"


Sunday, Sept. 26,
7:40 a.m.-1:20 p.m.
Adat Shalom Synagogue,
Farmington Hills
Go to redcrossblood.org to sign up,
or to have us set up the appoint-
ment, call Ruth (248-538-9260) or
Amy (248-538-4204), or e-mail us at
Dreidelmom@aol.com .

D-Town Dater

In our mission to redirect the narrative of Southeastern Michigan, we have spearheaded a campaign geared towards young Jewish adults in our region. If you
would like to submit any events, information or would like to be featured in our section, please contact Rachel Lachover at (248) 351-5156 or
rlachover@thejewishnews.com . JOIN US ON FACEBOOK; search our group name and fan page "SE MICHIGAN JEWISH ALLIANCE"

50 September 2 • 2010

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