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that with friends like these, they may
be a reflection of my girl's real
personality. Should her friends factor
into my feelings for her? Is it possible
that she might still just be on her best
behavior around me?

Need some
advice? Are
you looking
for solutions
for troubling
run-ins and
problems
dealing with
relationships,
family and
friends?
Yenta's here with her
youthful perspective.

career goal. He just finished under-
grad and is taking some time working
as a waiter to figure out his next steps.
They think I should ditch anyone not
planning on making a six-figure salary.
I really like this guy but am worried
about his plans. What should I do?

A:

Dear Man vs. Friend. In the first few
months of any relationship a girl is
obviously going to put her best Manolo
Blahnik forward. But that's not to say that
several months down the line that same
fabulous shoe might not still be around!
While it may not seem always seem like it,
the only person you are dating is your girl-
friend — not her entourage of friends. It's
very possible that your girlfriend mirrors
some of her friend's behaviors when they
are around, but that's not to say that those
are her inherent qualities — so be careful
what you accuse her of. My suggestion is
to give the girls some space and encourage
them to go out on the town together every
once in a while. This way, she can still keep
her friends as a part of her life, but they
will not have to be a daily part of yours. A
girl needs her support system, so no matter
what, don't take that away from her. Even if
her friends aren't the best net to be caught
with, after only three months you haven't
reeled her in yet.

To ask Yenta your
question, e-mail yenta@
thejewishnews.com and
look for your question
here in this column!

Q: I've been dating my girlfriend for
three months now and I'm really happy.
The only problem is that her friends
are an absolute nightmare — loud,
obnoxious and snobby. I'm concerned

Q: My parents don't like the guy I'm
dating because he doesn't have a set

A: Dear Dilemma'd Dater. Parents obvious-

ly want all the best attributes for our future
spouses and bringing home a doctor never
hurts. It can be frustrating that the second
many parents (especially Jewish ones) hear
of a new suitor, they pull out their master
checklist and do inventory of what your
beau will offer and in particular (if this
relationship is serious), what their kind of
genes their future grandkids will be
getting! But let's be realistic — just graduat-
ing can be a tough time. All of a sudden
you're tossed into a place called "the real
world," you're expected to have a paying 9-5
job and you no longer have school to fall
back on. In this economic climate, I see it
as an accomplishment to have any job, yes,
even as a waiter. I wouldn't be afraid that he
wants to take some time to figure his career
plans out; he most likely does not want to
rush into a field that he isn't passionate
about. Talk to him more and undercover his
future career plans and where he sees
himself in 5 years. For now, tell you parents
to butt out (but in nicer words, of course)
and let your relationship take its course.

Pitch For
Israel Detroit

Reconnecting Young Jewish Detroiters!

Pitch for Israel Detroit ("Pitch") is an all day
charity softball tournament and end of summer
reunion for young adults to reconnect with the
Jewish and larger Detroit communities. Players
and fans alike are invited to come enjoy the
event, which will also feature a BBQ, entertain-
ment, and Home Run Derby on August 29th.

Co-founders Adam Blanck
and Benjy Gordon (both 23)
adopted the idea for Pitch
from a similar event in Toronto,
bringing it to the Detroit area
to help reconnect their gen-
eration to the community, and
bring young adults together for a day of sport,
community, and charity.

The event will benefit CommunityNEXT, a pro-
gram of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan
Detroit and ELEM, an Israeli non-profit organiza-
tion for runaway, homeless and neglected youth
in distress.

Individual and team registration are now open
online at www.pitchforisraeldetroit.com

EVENT DETAILS
Date: Sunday, August 29th
Location: Drake Sports Park, West

Bloomfield, MI
www.pitchforisraeldetroit.com .

CommunityNEXT is a program powered by
the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit
focused on attracting and retaining young

talent in Michigan.

events & hot spots

ADAT SHALOM YOUNG ADULT GROUP:
HOUSING THE HOMELESS DINNER

Wednesday, August 4, 5-8 p.m.
Adat Shalom Synagogue, Farmington Hills
The Young Adult Group is Housing the Homeless on
Wednesday, August 4th from 5-8 p.m. at Adat Shalom
Synagogue. Enjoy Jerusalem Pizza, salad, ice cream and
fruit. Check out the group Facebook page, "Housing the
Homeless Dinner," to RSVP and answer some questions.

DETROIT YAD BOOKS CLUSTER

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Thursday, August 12, 7 p.m.
Barnes and Noble, West Bloomfield
This month's book is The Piano Teacher by Janice Lee.
DetroitYAD Clusters are fun social interest groups designed
to appeal to young Jewish adults in Southeastern Michigan.
Clusters are interest-centered groups of like-minded
Detroit Jews aged 21-41.For more information, e-mail Dani
Glickfeld, dglickfeld@me.com or join the group of Facebook
by searching "DetroitYAD Books Cluster."

Could I Be Too Single?

My last "boyfriend" (I refused to refer to him that way despite
his relentless efforts to make us Facebook-official) was in the
summer of 2007. It was a three-month fling that was more
about having someone to hang out with than a real connection.
We broke up just before July 4 and never spoke again.
Since then, that man friend found a new girl who was
happy to announce their relationship — and subsequent
engagement — on Facebook, and I've spent the past three
years on really bad dates as a single lady.
OK, so the awkward dates and even more awkward post-
date run-ins have been less than desirable, but I really love
being single. Like DSW-Clearance-Rack love. I have had three
years to make decisions based on me and me alone: to buy a
condo, to change career paths, to not shave my legs
for months at a time.
And it's been great. Yes, I'd love to find someone
to cuddle up with for a Top Chef marathon, but my
life is really great and finding my big spoon isn't
really at the forefront of my mind. But, even as I
enjoy this amazingly free life I've carved out for
myself, there's always this little part of me that
wonders if maybe it's possible I've become too single.

Relationships are all about give and take, sacrifices,
compromises and a need for someone else. Having become the
kind of independent woman even Destiny's Child would be
proud of over the past three years, all of those relationshippy
things are lost on me. I'm selfish — like, really selfish — and
I can be because right now I don't have to think of anyone but
myself. I can lie in bed all day on a Saturday because there's no
one telling me not to. I can work late then pick up a Buddy's
pizza at 9 p.m. (and eat all 4 pieces) because there's no one
to go home to. I can take weekend trips on a whim, spend all
my money on me and take a two-month hiatus from eyebrow
threading whenever I please.
That's the type of freedom you don't get in a relationship
and the kind of stuff I'm not sure I'm ready
to give up. I like things the way they are
— I planned them this way for a reason
— and I don't want to change a thing. Do
I want to find someone? Of course, but all
this me-time (and money saved on
shaving cream) has me wondering if I'm
even capable of a relationship anymore.
D Town Dater

—

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In our mission to redirect the narrative of Southeastern Michigan, we have spearheaded a campaign geared towards young Jewish adults in our region. If you
would like to submit any events, information or would like to be featured in our section, please contact Rachel Lachover at (248) 351-5156 or
rlachover@thejewishnews.com . JOIN US ON FACEBOOK; search our group name and fan page "SE MICHIGAN JEWISH ALLIANCE"

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July 22 • 2010

