BUSINESS & PROFESSIONAL

career coach

Are You Listening?
Can You Hear Me?

ast week, while having break-
fast with a friend, I was once
again reminded of how impor-
ant it is to be a
good listener.
During our breakfast, he
checked his watch a few
times, listened to his voice
mails and drifted in and out
of our conversation as he
looked at the people pass-
ing by. Perhaps he heard my
words; I don't think he was
really listening to what I was
saying.
Unfortunately, this is not
an uncommon situation. A
lot of people spend entire
conversations waiting for
their turn to talk. They are
so concerned about what they have to
contribute, they don't pay attention to
the person who is speaking.

Whether we are conducting business
or dining with a friend, we all want to be
heard. First, we must actively listen to
those around us. There are
two parts to this: listening
and hearing. You have to do
both!
In my own coaching prac-
tice, I spend a great deal
of time talking about ways
to improve listening skills.
I often use this example to
show what I mean:
Let's say I call and tell you
to pack your bags; we're
leaving on a surprise ski trip
tomorrow morning. When I
get to your house, ready to
take you to the airport, you
meet me at the door with
your water skis, while I've packed my
snow skis.
My plan was to take you to Aspen,

eating, drinking or multitasking.
• Concentrate by making eye contact.
Show that you are paying attention.
• Reflect what you have heard.
Repeat a portion of the message to
confirm that you understand what the
other person is trying to tell you.
Try it and you'll get results.
Chances are, when a misunderstand-
ing like the ski vacation occurs, each
party can take some of the responsibil-
ity for not listening. Perhaps I did not
provide the information I thought you
needed and I didn't check to see if you
had truly heard what I said. You didn't
reflect my message back to me by con-
firming the details. You simply assumed
you knew what I meant.
Whether you are a CEO of a major
corporation or an entrepreneur run-
ning a Web-based business, the more
actively you listen, the more successful
you will be.

but you assumed we were headed to
Miami. I wasn't clear, and you didn't lis-
ten actively. This type of scenario hap-
pens more than you can imagine.
Active listening means less misun-
derstanding. We can each learn to be
better listeners and hear what others are
saying. Active listening is much more
than just hearing words and sounds. To
be successful in our lives and our busi-
nesses, we have to listen actively.
When I coach, I listen carefully so I
understand where each client is corn-
ing from and how I can help them make
important decisions or changes.
I ask myself, "What is this person try-
ing to tell me? What is he concerned
about? What kind of support would
be most useful?" If I don't hear what
my client is telling me, I can't possibly
coach effectively. If my client doesn't
actively listen to me, he or she cannot
benefit from our coaching relationship.
Here are a few straightforward steps
you can take to help you become better
listeners:
• Stop everything else you are doing.
• Give 100 percent of your attention
to the person speaking. That means no

❑

Robert Sher, CPA, is a certified execu-

tive coach. He is former CFO for Schostak

Brothers & Company, Livonia. His e-mail

address is: info@bobshercom.

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J une 10.2010

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