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Mother Knows Best .

of

A

Jewish Mother

Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love

Secrets of Jewish moms revealed in new book.

Suzanne Chessler
Special to the Jewish News

With chapters divided into segments
that offer some general ideas, the personal
experiences of the writers and self-assess-
ments for the readers, the authors reveal
his Mother's Day brings Gloria
themselves.
Kamen her best gift ever, but it's
The writers want people to
not a surprise.
know
that they address issues
Kamen, besides putting a lot
experienced
by mothers who
of work into the gift, put a lot
may
or
may
not
be Jewish and
of work into what led up to the
their
youngsters.
The sug-
gift and the holiday recogni-
gestions
represent
what they
tion from her two daughters,
consider
a
Jewish
outlook
Jill Zarin, seen on the reality
involving directness, common
show the Real Housewives of
sense, high standards and a
New York City, and Lisa Wexler,
sense of humor.
heard on her Web radio talk
"When Jill had signs of
program, the Lisa Wexler
learning
disabil-
Sh ow.
ities,
I
went
to
The three collaborated on
my
pediatrician
the just-released book Secrets
and was dis-
of a Jewish Mother: Real
missed': reveals
Advice, Real Stories, Real Love
Kamen, whose
(Dutton; $25.95). The three
husband
also
give their personal input into
dismissed
what
many subjects confronted by
she
suspected.
modern mothers — marriage,
He said there
childrearing, health, friend-
was nothing
ship, money — but it's all
wrong.
based on Kamen's outlook and
"I got a psy-
practices.
chologist
who
"I never expected to have
Lisa Wexler
found
there
was
anything like this in my
a
little
disability.
life says Kamen, who has
I had to do exer-
appeared on both daughters'
cises with Jill, but the problem
programs and writes an
was
fixed within a year."
advice column, "Ask Gloria;'
The
idea for writing a book
New
for BravoTV.com and the
came
from
Zarin, but the trig-
as
a
result
of
York Daily News,
ger
was
Kamen's
appearances.
those appearances. "I'm really
"I
realized
that
the fans
in a state of wonderment. I've
wanted
to
hear
more
from
gone through the process, but
Mommy:'
says
Wexler,
who
I can't believe it.
organized
the
writing
project.
"I gave my daughters advice
"I saw this book as context,
because I'm their mother. I
Gloria Kam en
framework
and action.
didn't expect that one day I
"I
intended
to
take
the
Jewish mother
would give it to the world. I'm not Eleanor
stereotypes and turn them upside down
Roosevelt, but I was very pro-active. I saw a
problem, and I attacked it immediately as a because I'm so tired of the stereotypes
of being dominating and interfering as if
mother. You can't hide."

T

they're always bad.
"Dominating is not what Jewish moth-
ers are, but they are interfering because
they're caring and active and don't believe
in just sitting there when it comes to fami-
lies and friends.
"I consider people like that assets in my
life. If you don't care, you don't do any-
thing. A Jewish mother cares so she says
something and does something."
One issue that has not affected their
extended family is drug abuse, but they do
address that in the book.
"I have so many friends for whom
the issue hit home that I felt we couldn't
write a parenting section without talking
about drugs:' Wexler
says. "I felt we had to be
modern, real and relat-
able. It's not just young
people. It's every age
and every stage.
"I've done interviews
about it and had the
benefit of learning from
experts, and that comes
through in the advice.
It's filtered through me."
Zarin told Fox News
that she has used advice
from the book in her
approach to a disagree-
ment with another cast
member. She's tried to counteract their
problems by using the suggestion of
"being there" for a friend.
"I'm the real deal; love me or hate me
she says. "In life, you have fights."
The women, who want to avoid divulg-
ing their ages, have no problem divulging
the details of very personal experiences
kept under wraps until taking on this
project.
Kamen tells about how, as a young
married woman, she handled the advanc-
es of a married man she met at a party
without telling her husband. She doesn't
mind that he finds the incident in the

"Being a Jewish
mother means
standing up
for what you
believe is right,
for yourself and
your loved ones."

Advice From The Mavens

Secrets of a Jewish Mother offers
plenty of advice based on the writers'
experiences. Offered to those who are
Jewish and those who are not, tips
cover a range from the serious to the
lighthearted. Here is a sampling:

• Find the funny in life, and begin with
laughing at yourself.

• Do not lend anything you can't afford
to give.

• Find happy couples to socialize
with, not the kind who fight in front of
you; that kind of behavior is not only

Zarin.

I

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book because she thinks it's not impor-
tant at this stage of their lives.
"I knew I was old when my husband
no longer cared how low my neckline
was:' she says. "Now, he doesn't look; he
doesn't care."
Secrets of a Jewish Mother is about to
take the three around the country as they
make arrangements to speak and sign
copies. If they schedule Michigan, Wexler
will be in a place to which she has ties.
William Wexler, her husband, is a
principal in a finance-operations and
-restructuring firm based in Southfield,
where he commutes twice a month.
Alexandra Kirsch, a Huntington Woods
native just completing her studies at
Michigan State University, was a long-
distance intern for Wexler's radio show,
writing the blog recaps.
"I think writing the book made our
family relationships even stronger:'
Wexler says. "Mommy always said Jill and
I are two sides of a coin, and I think this
project enabled us to show our strengths.
"I was the captain of the ship in terms
of writing, and Lisa was the captain in
terms of marketing. Each of us has grown
more respectful of the other's talents.
"Still, wherever we go, Mommy is the
star!" ❑

Jill Zarin can be seen on The
Housewives of New York City at
10 p.m. Thursdays on Bravo. Lisa
Wexler can be heard live 4-6 p.m.
daily at www.lisawexler.com .

unpleasant but can be contagious.

person but not as great on camera.

• Value your friends and do all you can
to be there for them.

• Never marry a stingy person. It will
ruin your life.

• If you know you are going to be
photographed, photograph yourself
first before you leave for an event.
Often, you will look great in an outfit in

• Ask yourself the hard questions and
answer them truthfully, even if only to
yourself.

May 6 2010

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