Health & Fitness

COPING

Mike Isenberg and his father just before David took III

Zachary with his grandpa David

Memories To Live By

You never know which events will be the ones that will stay with you.

Mike Isenberg
Special to the Jewish News

T

he emotions I felt were to be
expected ...
Devastation. Despair. Loss.
After all, my father, David — my best
friend — was dead. But amidst the rubble
there was another emotion.
Peace of mind.
How could this be? My family had lived
through 11 months of hell as my dad
battled pancreatic cancer. He was proud to
be our patriarch. So with him gone, how
could there possibly be anything positive?
And this is what led a sports television
executive to write a book about dealing
with loss: The Longest Year: One Family's
Journey of Life, Death and Love.
As we know now, pancreatic cancer is a
near-certain death sentence. Living with
that on our minds for nearly a full year
was incredibly difficult. Trying to squeeze
in as much as possible, and still make him
comfortable, was almost an impossible
balancing act.

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November 12 • 2009

But utilizing some of the lessons we
learned gave me a sense of calm when
he died that has allowed me not to carry
on (as if you have a burden for the rest of
your life), move on (like after a bad day at
work), but live on.

Moments To Savor
Here, I would like to talk about something
that was probably the biggest surprise of
this ordeal:
Moments to savor can come at any
time.
There are times in life when we expect
to make memories — going on special
trips, celebrating family milestones,
attending a much-anticipated recital. But
the truth is, moments to remember can
come at any time.
The key is to have your antennae up and
to always be aware of the situation around
you. An off-hand comment that doesn't
seem significant at the time can end up
meaning the world to you later; and what
may be an arduous task in one moment
may be the memory that gets you through

later on.
When he collapsed one night after get-
ting out of his bed, it had become clear
that my dad was going to need more help
than my mom and sister could provide.
He was still coherent and had repeatedly
expressed his fervent desire to die in his
own bed and not in a hospital or hospice
care facility.
Keeping him in that bed and keeping
him safe was going to be our next big
challenge, and I seized the opportunity
to step in. For the next week, I slept with
him, getting up multiple times to walk
him to the bathroom and back to bed. On
some occasions, we fell asleep holding
hands.
While I was totally exhausted from
stress and lack of sleep, this experience is
something I look back on fondly: the fact
that when my father needed me the most,
in his darkest hour, that I was there for
him gives me a sense of pride that carries
with me to this day. I am so honored that
he wanted me to be there with him.
When someone you love dies, you

always hear "remember the good times."
While your friends or family members
mean well, it's not for anyone else to
decide. Nobody can tell you how you are
feeling. Grieving is a very individual pro-
cess.
In my example, having to take my father
to and from the bathroom 8-10 times a
night wouldn't be considered a "good"
time. Yet memories like this have allowed
me to live on. The key is to find out what
types of memories or experiences will
help you.

Mike Isenberg is a two-time Emmy Award-

winning coordinating producer at Fox Sports

Detroit. He lives in West Bloomfield with his

wife, Elizabeth, and their children, Zachary and

Alexandra.

For more on The Longest
Year, including ordering
information, please visit: www.
thelongestyearbook.com . All books
are individually signed by the author.