HEALTH & FITNESS

7.77r7,71

‘,

opinct

Right: Monni Must's photograph of her

late daughter Miya appears on the first

page of Living Witnesses: Faces of the
Holocaust, and reads, "For Miya, and
those whose stories will never be told."

Below: In her memoir, Sabrina Must

deconstructs her family's dynamics,

her older sister's issues and ultimately

her own issues in her search to

understand Miya's suicide.

Grief-Written

Mother and
daughter
create books
to cope
with family
member's
death.

Judith Doner Berne
Special to the Jewish News

T

he Must family was shaken to
its core by the suicide of the
oldest of four daughters on
Nov. 14, 2007.
Monni Must, 55, and her youngest
daughter, Sabrina, 23, both turned to
their passions, creating books as an
outlet for their grief.
The books dedicated to Miya
Must, who died at 28, are part of the
58th annual Jewish Book Fair, which
runs Nov. 3-15 at the two Jewish
Community Centers of Metropolitan
Detroit in West Bloomfield and Oak
Park.
"You turn to whatever gives you the
most comfort," says Monni, sitting next
to Sabrina on the big, overstuffed sofa
in one of the two nearby homes the
Musts own in Sylvan Lake.
"For myself, I was in so much pain; I
just needed a purpose to get up in the
morning." Monni says. "I needed some-
thing to keep me perpendicular to the
ground."
For Sabrina, "It was about survival. It
was about not trying to hide from that
experience."

Living Witnesses: Faces of the
Holocaust is a photo album of 92
Detroit-area Holocaust survivors taken
by Monni, a professional portrait pho-
tographer. Their stories are recount-
ed by Sabrina, a Bloomfield Hills
Cranbrook-Kingswood graduate who
got her bachelor's degree in writing at
Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore.
MUST • GIRLS • LOVE is Sabrina's
memoir that begins with the e-mail
message she received at college from
her mother informing her of Miya's
suicide. The book then traces her view
of what happens to her and her family
over the following year.
The title, Sabrina explains, is a
phrase that she and Miya often used to
celebrate the bond among the four sis-
ters, Miya, Brittany, Kacee and Sabrina,
and their parents, Joel and Monni
Must.

Way To Grieve

"Everyone has a 'signature' way of
grieving," says Dr. Laura Huggler,
Ph.D., a West Bloomfield psychologist
and psychoanalyst. "Each individual's
and each family's way of coping is
unique to them.
"I think that people who are in pro-

found emotional pain will often seek
out others who have also greatly suf-
fered," she says of the Musts' decision
to document the lives of the Holocaust
survivors. "That can help the bereaved
person feel safe."
And if they see that it's possible to
not only survive emotional loss and
pain, but also carve out a productive,
satisfying and creative life, Huggler
says, "it gives meaning to one's suffer-
ing."
Sabrina's idea to write a memoir
began with the positive response she
received for the eulogy she wrote hon-
oring Miya.
"Writing it helped me have a piece of
my sister. I had a huge fear of forgetting
her," Sabrina says. "When something
bothers me, the only way I can orga-
nize my thoughts and calm my mind is
to write about it."
At first, she randomly wrote separate
essays, some dealing with childhood
events and some as current as how
yoga helped her cope with her sister's
death. At the same time, she was keep-
ing a journal.
The concept that "maybe I could

GRIEF-WRITTEN on page 32

October 29 • 2009

31

