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JCC JEWISH BOOK FAIR

'Funny Looking? She's A Beauty!

Crude notation on doctor's chart shocks, then motivates Molly's mom.

Ronelle Grier
Special to the Jewish News

I

wrote the essay "Funny-Looking Kid:'
which appears in A Cup of Comfort for
Parents of Children with Special Needs
edited by Colleen Sell, because of all the
experiences I've had since my daughter
Molly was born 22 years ago; it was the
most profound.
I will never forget the moment I was
sitting in a doctor's waiting room, shuf-
fling through a stack of medical records
when I saw the unfamiliar acronym: FLK.
When I met with the doctor, I showed him
the page and asked him what the initials
meant.

He cleared his throat and shifted in his
seat. "That's medical slang," he said. "It
means funny-looking kid. Doctors write
that when a child doesn't look right but
they're not sure what the problem is."
Funny-looking kid. I don't remember
anything he said after that. I put the papers
back in my folder and left his office.

- Excerpt from "Funny-Looking Kid"

Molly was my first child, and I went
through my pregnancy in a naive haze
of happy expectation. My concerns were
focused on choosing the perfect crib, and
picking out tiny T-shirts, booties and blan-
kets, which we stored at my parents' house
according to the Jewish superstition that
warns against bringing baby clothes home
before the birth has taken place. The idea
that anything would be wrong with my baby
was the farthest thought from my mind.
When the doctors informed me that
Molly's appearance suggested the pos-
sibility of a genetic syndrome or other
abnormal condition, I felt like the ground
beneath my feet had suddenly become
unstable. I felt like nothing would ever be
normal again. I was right. Life became a
rollercoaster ride of medical tests, special-
ists, therapy and more specialists.
Nothing in my life had prepared me for
having a child with special needs. It was
like being catapulted to some cold and
distant planet. A place without maps or
guidebooks, a maze-like landscape filled
with strangers who talked in a language I
could neither speak nor understand.
In addition to my fears about my
daughter's future, I felt isolated and alone.
I didn't know anybody who had a child

Molly Grier, 22, with her mother, writer Ronelle Grier, at home in West Bloomfield

like Molly. My friends were busy compar-
local restaurant. We all have children with
ing developmental milestones, celebrating
special needs. Some of us have known each
their children's first steps, first words.
other for almost 20 years. Many of us have
I couldn't get through a birthday party
gone through life-altering changes since
or parent-toddler get-
the time we first met:
together without being
divorce, serious illness,
brought to tears by the
tumultuous legal battles.
obvious and inevitable
But anyone who hears
O F
A C
comparisons.
the
laughter coming
C OPVI FORT
from our table would
fir Parents Chydren
Finding Support
think we were discuss-
I had always been a
ing the latest movie or
with S
believer in the value
episode of American
Idol. Sometimes we are,
of support groups, so I
Stories that celebrate
found a group of parents
but just as often we're
the cfifferences in our
extraarkfrnary kids
talking about what
who had been transplant-
medications our kids
ed to the same strange
are taking, the new
planet I now called home.
specialist we've been
I found solace in the vari-
seeing, or for those of
ous community organi-
us with older children, where we stand on
zations such as JARC and the Friendship
the waiting list for a group home and how
Circle, which exist to ease the way for
people with disabilities and their families. we're going to survive until our number
comes up. Yet we laugh together, as only
Another major source of salvation is the
people can who have been through a corn-
group of mothers who get together several
mon experience, such as seeing the letters
times a year for "Mom's Night Out" at a

1111E.M111111
s,

"FLK" in your child's medical file and
finding out what those letters mean. We
laugh because we know that our children's
abilities extend far beyond the labels and
limitations that others have imposed.
Today, my daughter Molly is anything
but a "funny-looking kid." She's a young
woman with beautiful dark hair, spar-
kling eyes, a contagious smile and enough
charm to bring the entire audience to their
feet for a standing ovation at her high
school graduation. And that's why I wrote
my story. I- 7

Ronelle Grier, a West Bloomfield
writer, will be speaking at the JCC
Jewish Book Fair Local Author Event
from 10 a.m.-noon Sunday, Nov. 8,
at the Jewish Community Center in
West Bloomfield. "Funny-Looking
Kid" appears in A Cup of Comfort
for Parents of Children with Special
Needs, a volume of the national best-
selling book series edited by Colleen
Sell and published by Adams Media.

October 29 - 2009

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