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February 12 • 2009

iN

Date Charade

Do "shiksas" really have more fun?
A Jewish girl finds out in new novel.

Amy Klein

Jewish Telegraphic Agency

L

aurie Graff, a 40-something
New York actress and writer
(You Have to Kiss A Lot of
Frogs and Looking
for Mr. Goodfrog),
is certainly not the
first writer to use the
term shiksa for a non-
Jewish WASPy woman
who captivates men.
Phillip Roth's
Portnoy was obsessed
with shiksas; play-
wright and essayist
Wendy Wasserstein
coined "shiksa god-
dess" with the title of
her 2002 collection of
} ish
() I lc,
essays; and TV shows
LAu pjE
like Seinfeld had their
own coinage (Elaine's
"shiksappeal").
"If it's used today:' says Rabbi Neal
Weinberg of the Ziegler School of
Rabbinics in Los Angeles, "it's done in
a comic way" — though not all agree.
(He uses the term non-Jew.)
In Graff's third novel, The Shiksa
Syndrome (Broadway Books; $22.95),
she tells the story of a Jewish
Manhattan publicist who is mistaken
for a non-Jew by a very pleased Jewish
boy who becomes her boyfriend until
he discovers the truth.

JTA: So how did you come up with
this idea?
Laurie Graff: I came up with it
when I was living in Los Angeles in
the '90s and dating actors, writers and
directors; and every Jewish guy there
wanted a shiksa — or maybe the ones
that I could like wanted a shiksa.
In New York City, I was able to blend.
But in L.A., against the California
blondes and the whole subculture of
Hollywood, I had New York Jew written
across my forehead. Some guys said,
"You're too Jewish for me." I heard it so
much it was a little astonishing.

JTA: Why do you think Jewish men
like shiksas?
LG: There's a certain fear that a
Jewish woman might be reminiscent

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of their mother, and the family that
they create then would be less roman-
tic. On top of that, they're afraid of the
woman becoming their mother; and
they're afraid of becoming their father.
It's also an unwillingness to embrace
responsibility. Oh
God, grow up! They
don't know who they
are.

JTA: So what hap-
pens to these mar-
riages?
LG: The men who
consciously choose
a woman who is not
Jewish because they
feel they are not fall-
ing into the trap, they
are fooling them-
selves. It's not to say
all the marriages fail,
but either they want
to turn that woman
into that Jewish woman anyway or it
ends.

JTA: Do Jewish women want a shay-
getz, a non-Jewish man?
LG: I think there's a proportion of
women who want the other. [They say
about a Jewish man], "He reminds me
of my brother — it's not sexy." In gener-
al, I think more Jewish women are open
to Jewish men than the reverse. But I
don't have any data to back me up.

JTA: What is the shiksa stereotype?
LG: The shiksa is regarded as sweet
and less demanding, quieter, not like
the Jewish mothers, less bossy. Jewish
women see that as a threat. When they
see "willing to convert" [on JDate],
they think, "These women are tak-
ing our guys." Now you have to go up
against these non-Jewish women on
the Web site.

JTA: Do you think intermarriage
can work?
LG: It depends on the individual rela-
tionship. From what I hear of marriage
— and I'm not an expert — I think of
a lot of what helps is being great com-
panions; and if you're raising a family,
it's probably easier to be on the same
page in regard to religions. ❑

