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Saturday February 14th

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Happily
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B 2 4 •

FEBRUARY 2009 •

IN platinwn

Many of us grew up on fairytales.
We thought the beautiful princess
married the handsome prince, and
they went off together to live hap-
pily ever after. It was a rude awak-
ening when we realized that man
and woman do not live by "electric-
ity" alone and that a good marriage
takes hard work and effort.
The couples I see in therapy are
often not aware of how vital it is
to treat their partners as beloved
friends, to listen with their whole
heart and respond with loving-
kindness. When couples make a
concerted effort to treat each other
this way, their marital satisfaction
greatly increases.
Is it easy to listen with our
whole hearts and respond with
kindness? Not usually. Many of us
were not treated that way as kids
— we were much more familiar
with being criticized, lectured or
ignored. It would benefit our mari-
tal relationship (and all our rela-
tionships) if we learned and utilized
good communication skills.
Picture an imaginary married
couple. The wife is complaining to
her husband about how exhausted
she is from trying to keep up with
the kids and all their activities. The
husband could respond in a num-
ber of ways. He could say: "There
you go complaining again. That's
all you ever do," or "You should be
grateful you have these kids. There
are people who aren't able to have
kids, you know," or "You just gotta
do what you gotta do. So, what's