high holiday reality

Some teens ditch services to hang out with friends.

by Stephanie Steinberg

T

he High Holidays. A time for celebrating the
new year, eating apples and honey, attend-
ing services, listening to the shofar calls — and
playing cards.
The High Holidays, which begin at sundown Sept.
29, are a time for Jews to celebrate their heritage by
preparing for a new year with new beginnings, and by
asking repentance for sins from the past year. Yet some
teens have little to no interest in pleading for forgive-
ness or sitting through long services. They are more
engaged in socializing with friends or catching up on
the latest issue of Teen People hidden behind a prayer
book.
A group of boys, who wish to remain anonymous
for reasons that will become obvious, attend Adat
Shalom Synagogue in Farmington Hills. Every year,
they showed up to High Holiday services but never
participated. One year, before getting their licenses,
the friends walked to Buddy's Pizza on Northwestern
Highway to break the Yom Kippur fast early. During
high school, they say they would hide and smoke weed
outside the building.
"There's a reason they're called the High Holidays,"
one of the boys said, uncaring about his flippant view
of the holidays.
For most teens, socializing is the key element of the
holiday season.
Meredith Starkman, 14, of Birmingham Groves
High School attends Congregation Shaarey Zedek of
Oakland County. She says close to 100 teens in middle
and high school will stand in the lobby socializing dur-
ing High Holiday services.
"I usually stay in for the whole service, but if I want to
see who's outside, I'll go out once or twice," she said.
Starkman believes the situation has gotten out of
hand. She says if you look around the sanctuary, it
contains only adults.
"I think if you're going to come to shul during the
High Holiday services, you should stay inside and par-
ticipate," Starkman said. "It's really disappointing to
see the teens who don't take it seriously."
Rob Starkman, Meredith's father, has been a mem-
ber of Shaarey Zedek for 46 years. He says this behav-
ior is nothing new.

"When I was a teenager, kids always snuck out and
socialized in the foyer," he said.
He believes that over the years, the clergy and par-
ents have failed to make the High Holiday services rel-
evant to young children and teenagers.
"The High Holidays are the two most beautiful ser-
vices throughout the year," Starkman said, "but kids
don't appreciate the value of sitting in the service and
taking it in."
Rabbi Joseph Krakoff of Shaarey Zedek says he
tries to involve students in High Holiday services. He
explained the synagogue started having students read
from the Torah in the main sanctuary during Rosh Ha-
shanah morning services and Yom Kippur afternoon
services as well as at the youth services.
"It got a lot of the kids involved," Krakoff said. "For
every individual aliyah (honor), we had a different
reader. So seven kids could read at a time."
Yet Krakoff recognizes that teen congregate to talk
in the lobby.
"I think a lot of the kids just want to socialize and be
with their friends," he said.
"I believe that this situation is a growing reality of
the times, especially as many teens only come to syna-
gogue for High Holiday or b'nai mitzvah services, and
are unfamiliar with the ideas and feelings of prayer,"
said Rabbi Leiby Burnham, director of outreach for
the Southfield-based Weiss Partners in Torah program
of Yeshiva Beth Yehudah.
"This issue is one that must be addressed by each
congregation because to ignore it puts the next genera-
tion of Jews at risk for feeling alienated by services,"
he said.
"It is crucial that synagogues experiencing this
problem provide alternative services that are more en-
gaging and thought-provoking to the teens of today.
They can focus on a few crucial prayers that capture
the essence of what the High Holidays are all about
and explore them in depth.
"The sages tell us that when it comes to prayer,
`It is better to have a little with meaning, than a lot
without meaning.' They understood that when prayer
was meaningless, people would not feel engaged and

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teen2teen. September • 2008 Bi