"Some women have
hit rock bottom emotionally,"
says Garfield. "But when they
attend one of our dinners
and see all the happy, positive
women laughing, they think,
`I can do this.'"
in Power
Inez Gar-aeld brings divorced women
together for fun in the citv.
BY JULIE WEINGARDEN DUBIN I PHOlOGRAPHY BY ANG1E
When you're a newly single woman after years of marriage, you're often faced with
two choices: Curl up in a ball and cry (emerging only for family members' birthdays)
or socialize with married couples (and feel like a third wheel every Saturday night).
Neither option appealed to Inez Garfield, a Farmington Hills mother of four.
When Garfield was divorced 12 years ago, after 15 years of marriage, dinner with
friends didn't exist because most of her friends were married. "It was a problem," she
says. "I felt like my friends couldn't relate to me, a single woman raising four kids on
my own."
For Garfield, going out post-divorce was therapeutic. "I got out there immediately,
going to parties and fundraisers. I never sat home," she says. A frequent companion
was friend and fellow divorcee Linda Palmer. Together, they started a networking
group for single women ages 40 through 60-plus, which they called Ladies Night
Out. Its goal: to bring together more women in their situation. "I found that single
women were afraid to go out by themselves because they were so conditioned to [go]
places with their spouse," says Garfield. "I knew I had to start something so women
could make new friends — because often their old friendships weren't working out."
The plan was to help women move forward after starting over, something Garfield
knows is so hard to do. Garfield's ex-husband moved to Florida, so she didn't have
help with the kids, and she had to find work. Luckily for Garfield, her father owned
real estate that needed managing, and he offered her the run of the business, which
she learned by trial and error. Soon after, a tornado struck some of the company's
Hamtramck buildings, and Garfield had to jump in and problem-solve. "It's true that
whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," she says.
Garfield's determination helped her send all four of her children (who today range
in age from 16 to 25) to Hillel Day School of Metropolitan Detroit in Farmington
Hills. "I wanted my kids to have everything that they would have had if I had
stayed married," says the Congregation Shaarey Zedek of Oakland County member.
"Nothing was going to change except for their dad being gone — they had the same
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friends, same house, same activities."
Participating in Ladies Night Out has helped Garfield on many levels, including
job networking. "It's opened up a whole new world for me and given me an outlet to
meet different types of people," Garfield says. "We're all single, and we all happen to
work. I have a lot more in common with these women than with my married friends."
There is no limit to the number of women who can join Ladies Night Out; the
only stipulation is that you must be single. Of the 25 women currently in the group,
about a dozen show up for a typical Saturday night. The once-a-month outings are
never canceled, regardless of weather, and usually involve dinner at a fine restaurant.
"There isn't one that we haven't tried," says Garfield. "We're at all the new places
right when they open," including spots in Detroit, Windsor and Ann Arbor as well as
suburban locations. Other activities include holiday parties, casino visits, shoe parties,
dinner-boat get-togethers and visits to jazz and dance clubs.
Ladies Night Out goes deeper than social bonding. "Some women have hit rock
bottom emotionally, but when they attend one of our dinners and see all the happy,
positive women laughing — who all happen to work — they think, 'I can do this.'"
The message for newcomers is that nothing is impossible. There are women who have
gotten out of abusive relationships and who have never believed in themselves, but
through the support of Ladies Night Out they gain the confidence to get a job or go
back to school. "We help them see that they don't need a guy to survive," she says.
"We're always laughing — we're like a bigger version of Sex and the City."
With such a sisterhood, women know that no matter how bad things get, they are
not alone. "It's a mitzvah to bring someone into your group and make her feel that
she is a part of something," says Garfield, "And I believe in making as many friends as
possible. There's no such thing as having too many friends." ❑
For more about Ladies Night Out, contact Inez Garfield at f5ftfour@aol.com or call (586) 536-6766.