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Derech from page A33
ally and have your kids walking the
way of the land in no time.
of owning up to — and learning from
— our mistakes.
Outline the rules. Derech eretz is a
vastly broad and inclusive concept. We
can help ensure our children under-
stand its meaning by breaking it down
into bite-sized chunks. Here are some
fundamentals:
• Treat parents and teachers with
respect.
• Treat others the way you would like
to be treated.
• Respect the elderly.
• Be kind to animals.
• Be respectful to nature and the
environment.
• Use good manners and be polite.
Catch them being good. Sure, we
ultimately want our kids to follow
the rules of derech eretz because they
know in their hearts it's the right thing
to do. But, in the meantime, occasion-
ally rewarding respectful, mentshlich
behavior is certainly appropriate.
Make a derech eretz chart and put a
sticker on it whenever your child goes
above and beyond the basic require-
ments for civility (i.e. washing the
dishes without being asked). Go out to
a movie to celebrate when he reaches
the end.
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A34
December 20 2007
Integrate tzedakah into daily
life. Because children are develop-
mentally egocentric, they don't always
understand how to show compassion
and concern for others. We can begin
to bridge this gap by incorporating
tzedakah into our family lives. Once
a month or so, have your kids go
through their toys and select a few
gently loved playthings to donate to
charity. Or take them to play check-
ers with nursing home residents on
a rainy Sunday. Once children get in
the philanthropic spirit, derech eretz
comes naturally.
Model derech eretz. Although it
may seem like our kids never pay
attention to us, we can rest assured
that they do (even when we wish they
weren't). We are their role models, and
they are constantly looking to us for
direction. Everyone messes up now
and then, and it's healthy for our kids
to see that we do, too. Still, we owe it
to them to at least aspire to be worthy
role models and to use our inevitable
slip-ups as a means of teaching the art
JARC Kosher Fund
To honor and memorialize two
founders of JARC, the Evelyn and Ben
Bider Kashrus Fund has been estab-
lished by their children and grand-
children.
For years, grandson Yehuda Bider
wondered what he could do to
show his family's appreciation to
Farmington Hills-based JARC for
providing services to his Uncle Alan
Bider, son of Evelyn and Ben.
According to Yehuda, his grandpar-
ents greatest concern was who would
care for their son when they were
gone.
"To quote my grandmother, JARC
Use consequences that further an
understanding of derech eretz. Hey,
even the talmudic rabbis occasionally
need some back-up support. If it so
happens your child refuses to clean
her room in spite of its related talmu-
dic decree, a consequence is in order
— a derech eretz-fostering conse-
quence. Clearly explain that as a result
of your child's unwise decision, her
play date has been postponed indefi-
nitely until she's shown due respect to
her and her siblings' environment.
In the laws of derech eretz, we 21st
century parents have far more than a
collection of antiquated rules of eti-
quette. We have a parenting ally with
a multimillennial track record of suc-
cess; a blueprint for raising respectful,
self-disciplined, mentshlich kids; and
a Jewish child's guide to appropriate,
decent behavior. Not bad for a brown
nosing new kid named Derek.
Sharon Duke Estroff is an internationally
syndicated Jewish parenting columnist,
award-winning Jewish educator and moth-
er of four who lives in Metro Atlanta.
enabled her to sleep at night, know-
ing that there are people whose sole
dedication is to help others in need,"
Yehuda said.
He recruited his parents and five
siblings to join with him to establish
the fund.
It will help provide kosher food in
JARC's homes thanks to the gener-
osity of Rabbi Yitzchok and Rochel
Bider, Yehuda and Keren Bider, Rabbi
Tzvi and Suri Bider, Heshy and Ritky
Kleiman, Dovid Chaim and Ahuvah
Heyman, Doni and Chanie Silverstein,
and Menachem and Naomi
Levitansky.