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One coupon per table Expires: 5/31/07 Farmington Hills • Corner of Grand River & Haggerty Road Auburn Hills • 1 1 :2 miles south of the Palace of Auburn Hills 54 April 26 • 2007 JN "Though I doubt they ever used the Perel disagrees with those among word:' she writes, "they embodied its her colleagues who would say that mystical meaning as a quality of alive- sex is a metaphor for the relationship ness, a pathway to freedom — not and that improving the emotional just the narrow definition of sex that connection will similarly enhance the modernity has assigned to it:' sexual connection. She sees sexual and She also speaks of discovering tal- emotional intimacy as two separate mudic stories that she languages. found "utterly brilliant" "I would like to restore in their understanding the body to its rightful of the tension between prominent place in discus- the domestic and the sions about couples and erotic. eroticism. The body often In the book, she contains emotional truths retells a story about that words can too easily Rabbi Bar Ashi, who gloss over;' she writes. would stand before "It's not that I'm against God every night and closeness," she says, but beg to be saved from Psychothe rapist Esther suggests that couples keep the evil urge. One day, some mystery between Perel: The "new Dr. after overhearing him, them, that less talk can Ruth." his wife dressed herself be more. She writes about up as a prostitute and met him. Later fantasy, the importance of playfulness, on, at home, he confessed to his wife infidelity and the challenges of parent- and when she admitted that it was she, hood. In Perel's view, sexlessness tran- he was still distraught as he "intended scends religion and background. the forbidden That she has written this book The author points out that Judaism sometimes surprises Perel. A talented never embraced a culture of celibacy. public speaker, who led New York City's When asked about whether the tradi- Downtown Salon for several years, she tional laws of family purity, with their didn't think "paper was where I'd land." prescribed separation, are a protec- For about five years, she had been, tion from the kind of over-familiarity as she describes, an author in search of among couples that she describes, she a topic, when the editor of the profes- dismisses that as a modern interpreta- sional journal Psychotherapy Networker tion. asked her what she was thinking Perel's family's background is fer- about. vently Orthodox, although her parents "I'm thinking about Americans and left that world. She's related to the sex;' she replied, aware that it made for Gerer rebbe and does a lot of work in interesting dinner conversation, but the Orthodox community. not sure she had enough material. So Among her clients are those who she wrote an article; actually, she wrote have sex frequently, with desire not 11 versions of the article before it was located in the self but in the larger published and then republished in the mitzvah, something holy and tran- Utne Reader, where it was spotted by scendent. But when they come to see several book agents. her, "the system isn't working." When Several translations use variations she works with these couples, she also on the cover. In the Hebrew and British deals with their rabbis. editions, the bed sheets are white. The "They come to me because I'm not German features a red lily, and the Orthodox. I speak Yiddish but I'm Spanish cover carries a red sneaker not an insider;' she explains. "Being and a black high heel. A few make a Jew is the central part of who I am, use of the title of her original article, my world view and sensibility, how I "Erotic Intelligence." E think:' she says, adding, "I consider my Jewish identity the ultimate cosmo- politan identity. I have a very European view. I don't belong anywhere, but I have access to the world:' From May 11-13, Perel is leading a She doesn't identify as an American weekend workshop based on her Jew nor with the experience of the book at the Omega Institute in hundreds of American Jews she has Rhinebeck, N.Y. For information, worked with over the years. But she's call (800) 944-1001. For more likely to identify with a Jew from upcoming events, go to places like South Africa or Argentina "in a second." www.estherperel.com .