■ can you relate? ROMA SPOSA L' NM BR IC A ULLILII E E \ C INTRODUCING ... C)\ (?( qt 1115,11k) ) ) 1) Local therapist Brenda Strausz helps solve your relating problems. m / Q After 25 years of marriage, my husband and I seem to be in a big rut — our relationship just seems dull and boring. Any suggestions? —Reader, fi-om Commerce [ COUTURE EVENING WEAR MOTHERS OF THE WEDDING SPECIAL OCCASION ] [A] APRIL 26, 27, 28 "Ct 4 1,N, „&,0 ,0 By Appointment • 248-723-4300 • Birmingham • www.romasposa.com VINTAGE TURQUOISE AND DIAMONDS! Dear Commerce reader This point in your marriage is a great time to reconnect with your partner and create a phe- nomenal relation- ship. The most important change: It must be your top priority now. Set aside daily time to talk, sharing your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and fears. Some couples find it useful to write letters to each other about their feelings, and afterwards, have a dialogue about the content. Make time to connect during the day, too. A quick, "Hi, I love you," phone call can mean the world to your spouse. Make a commitment to do caring acts for each other daily; it can be as sim- ple as a surprise cappuccino waiting for her or a love note in his briefcase. Pick a hobby you can do together. It could be biking, tennis, walking or hiking. Take turns planning regular fin outings — like an overnight getaway in Ann Arbor or a picnic at the beach —or research out- ings together. I remind my clients (and myself) that love is much more than a feeling; it is an action, a verb, a decision. Have a wonderfiil next 25-plus years of marriage! RECOMMENDED READING: Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel fi rirgativ :_irturtru c ( Estate, Antique & Contemporary Fine jewelry 700 N. Old Woodward • Birmingham • 248-723-9975 Tues-Fri 10:00am-5:30pm • Sat 10:00am-5:00pm www.legacyestatejewelry.com 42 • APRIL 2007 • platillilin I have been very happy at [ my job until the company hired Ms. Negativity. She is not only a complainer and gossiper but criticizes my work. Help, please! —Readerfrom Ferndale [A] Dear Ferndale reader, It sounds like there is an energy vampire in your workplace. It is vital for your mental health that you do not take her actions personally. Miserable people like to spread their misery. As long as you are working and acting responsibly, her behavior is most certainly not about you. But setting boundaries with her is crucial in main- taining a workable atmosphere: "Ms. Negativity, it is re- ally hard for me to get my work done when someone is looking over my shoulder. I promise not to do that to you, either." As far as the gossip and complaining, validating her without engaging her may work. "I can tell you are really upset about that." If she doesn't take the hint that you don't want to engage in negativity, you may have to say something like, "I am sorry, but it makes me uncomfortable to discuss other people in the workplace." Keep reminding yourself that we can't change people (darn!) — but we can change how we choose to respond. RECOMMENDED READING: Coping with Dcult People: The Proven- Effective Battle Plan That. Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Robert M.Bramson Brenda Strausz, M.A., is a local psychotherapist, parent educator, certified relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist. E-mail her your questions at relate@thejewishnews.com .