Weddings - Bar/Bat Mitzvah - House Warming - Hostess Holiday Gift Raising The Bar from page 67 Since when have you been one to let it Ao at just perfect? When the perfect sift for the perfect person has to be perfectly perfect, let us help you make the presentation as memorable as the gift itself! custom wrapping services Special offer for JN readers: Mention this ad and get 15% off your first custom gift wrap or DIY wrapping supplies do-it-yourself supplies 700 ribbon styles • 175+ papers unique gift tag selection & tie-ons cards for all occasions Lisa's Gift Wrappers lisasgiftwrappers.com 1222110 28834 Woodward Avenue Royal Oak MI T 248 547 9094 Special Occasions. Specially reduced prices on select eveningwear & casual looking wave, just beginning to swell, that carries in its tide Judaically- jaded kids who have come to believe that their own traditions and prayers are unworthy of their reverence and respect. So where do we go from here? The overwhelming task of restoring decorum to the modern American bar mitzvah celebration feels some- how analogous to that of disinfecting the mountain of muddy laundry my boys brought home from summer camp. "Start with the underwear and move out from there;' insisted a friend of mine. And right she was, for when confronted with a mess of such magnitude as a heap of filthy camp frocks — or an epidemic of misbehavior at Jewish rites of passage — the underwear, the bare basics, is the place to begin. One middle school principal I know heeds to this truth, working overtime to educate her charges in the nuts and bolts of bar mitzvah etiquette. She facilitates ongoing dialogue with her students regard- ing Shabbat morning manners (for example, keeping your siddur open for the duration of services — whether or not you believe you know its content as well as your locker combinations); and simchah celebra- tion social graces (such as hanging in the party room rather than in the hotel lobby). But she also knows another truth — clean underwear doesn't neces- sarily guarantee presentable clothing. In other words, no matter how sturdy a foundation we have worked to build into our children, the reality remains that while 13 and one day might have been old enough to take on full responsibility for one's deeds back in the days of our sages, in the days of Jessica Simpson and Eminem 13-and-one-dayers need ongoing direction and guidance to maximize their chances of making wise choices. Here are some proactive measures we can take as true Jewish adults to keep our kids' behavior at b'nai mitzvah on the up and up. At our own child's bar/bat mitzvah: • Arrange for ushers to be present at services and prepared to manage any behavioral problems. • Ask a party planner or good friend/vigilant guest to stand lookout at the evening celebration. • Don't hesitate to hold a pre-party pow-wow with your young guests regarding behavioral expectations and consequences of mis- conduct, such as your willingness to call parents for early pick up. • Reduce the likelihood of kids acting out due to boredom or being tempted by alcohol by planning a separate kids' party. At other children's bar/bat mitzvah: • Accompany your child to services and model appropriate behavior. • Nix improper or promiscuous clothing choices. • Organize meetings with parents of your child's religious school or day-school classmates to brainstorm ideas and join forces. • Remember that responsibility for our child's behavior at a friend's bar/bat mitzvah doesn't belong to school principals, religious school directors, rabbis or other parents. It belongs solely to us. Sharon Duke Estroff is an internationally syndicated Jewish parenting columnist, award- winning Jewish educator and mother of four. Her first book, "Can I Have a Cell Phone for Hanukkah? The Essential 411 on Raising Modern Jewish Kids" will be published by Broadway Books, a division of Random House, in 2007. on the Boardwalk 248.932.5253 6 8 celebrate. 2007