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TORAH OR iON

Bedtime Boundaries

Shabbat Pa rah,Parshat Ki Tisa:
Exodus 30:11-34:35, Numbers 19:1-22
Ezekiel 36:16-38

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36 March a 2007

piatio14.1.11

recent piece in the
went out to the tent of
Home section of
meeting, which was out-
the New York Times,
side the camp." (Shemot
"Whose Bed Is It Anyway?"
33:7)
chronicles the chronic child-
Why does God insist
raising challenge of children
that Moshe leave the
sleeping in their parents' bed.
midst of the people?
Parents now spend endless
Wouldn't Moshe be better
hours pleading with their chil-
able to control and lead
Rabbi Reuven
dren, and thousands of dollars
the people from within?
Spolter
redesigning their kids' bed-
By insisting that Moshe
Special to the
rooms and even hiring special
reside
outside the camp,
Jewish News
sleep consultants to deal with
God teaches us the
this growing problem. But ultimately,
importance of boundaries. Everyone
most parents just give in out of sheer
needs borders and limits. They give us
exhaustion. At least, then, you get to
a sense of proportion and balance and
sleep.
allow us to adjust our behavior to live
If you find yourself in this predica-
within those limits.
ment, you're in luck: I'm about to save
Why did the people construct that
you a boatload of money. All you have
idol? Didn't they know that it was
to do is follow one simple piece of
wrong? Sure they did — but human
advice: close the door. And when the
nature propels us to test our limits.
crying and screaming ensue, be firm.
And the fewer boundaries we have,
Not only will you finally be able to sleep the greater the tests become and the
at night, but your kids will, too. And,
more egregious our behavior.
contrary to our guilt pangs and anxiety,
What's true for us is especially true
establishing boundaries is probably the for our children. I don't think that
most important and healthiest thing we if we as parents allow our children
can do for our children.
to sleep in their bed, we cause them
Ki Tisa tells the story of one of the
irreparable harm. But we're not setting
most tragic events in the early history
boundaries, and we're not setting lim-
of the Jewish people. When Moshe
its. Until that "no" finally comes, and
fails to return from Mount Sinai when brings with it the safety and security
they expect him, the people panic.
our children so badly need, our chil-
Lacking proper leadership, they con-
dren will continue to prod and to test
struct a Golden Calf to replace their
in ever-expanding areas of behavior.
missing leader — and to some extent
And solving those problems might not
God as well. Despite the powerful
be as simple as closing the door. I I
experience of revelation — hearing
the Ten Commandments and witness- Reuven Spolter is rabbi of Young Israel of
ing the presence of God — the Jewish
Oak Park.
people still directly violate one of
those very commandments.
Moshe, in his wisdom, somehow
Conversations
convinces God to forgive the Jewish
While we often focus our
people and move on. Yet, the Torah
Judaism on positive mitzvot
tells us that God does insist on an
(commandments), such as help-
important change.
ing others or giving charity
Before the sin, Moshe lived and
–
Judaism also stresses negative
dwelled among the people. Yet,
commandments.
Other than the
immediately afterwards, Moshe must
obvious ones – such as don't
relocate: "Now Moses shall take the
steal or kill, etc. – what negative
tent and to pitch it outside camp, far
commandments does your family
off from the camp; and he called it the
observe that give you religious
tent of meeting. And it came to pass,
structure and boundaries?
that every one that sought the Lord