Front Lines NOTEBOOK JNenline What A Business! The times are rough. Businesses, to meet demands, are considering — nay, enacting — mergers in attempts to keep afloat. If you are seeking to expand your business portfolio, here are some consolidations that you should be on the lookout for — get in on the ground floor and make some big bucks. (Well, at least you can get a few chuckles from them; and that's what I'm all about anyway.) • Jell-0 and Dolly Madison will combine to become Jello Dolly. • Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Co. will merge and become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace. • Polygram Records, Warner Bros. and Zesta Crackers will join forces to become Poly Warner Cracker. • H.R. Block and VFR Head Corp. will merge into BlockHead (doesn't appear like a sound investment, does it?). • 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as MMMGood. • Lone Star Technical and Range Ross will become Lone Ranger (investors may then say, "There goes my silver — awaaaay".) • Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge into ZipAudiDoDa. • FedEx is expected to join its major competitor UPS to become FedUp (since most of their customers already are). • Somantech, Ortho and Time Warner will merge into SomOthrTime. • Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become Fairwell Honeychild (bound to be a big seller in the South). • Bowater Inc. and Leggett and Platt will emerge as Bow Leg. • Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become Knott NOW! (Feminists, arise!) • Hansens and Brinker will survive as Hans Brinker (and will prob- ably skate through the NASDAQ). • The Chubb Group and Checker Cab will evolve into Chubby Checker (with all the singer's royalties tied up in it). • Heinz 57 and Hite Photo will live together as HeinzHite (which, looking back, may not be all bad.) • Sirius and Business Objects will be come SiriusBusiness. • Mother's Margarine and Earthlink will develop into MotherEarth (except a magazine already exists under that name). • Just in time for next year's Christmas season, Compuware, Universal, Alcoa, Fifth Third and Fuel Cell will take the market by storm as ComALUFifthFul. All right, so I'm not an investment adviser. But then, you weren't really reading for stock tips anyway, were you? If you were, then just remember to buy low and sell high. 2 Spring Training A 67-year-old Holocaust survivor, several high school stars and 60 athletes in between tried out Dec. 19 in Miami for the new, profes- sional Israel Baseball League. The six-team league, which has only three fields right now, plans to begin play in June. It hopes to attract Jewish athletes from Major League Baseball, its minor league affiliates and other talent for games in Israel and, hopefully, the 2009 World Baseball Classic. Player development director for the IBL is Dan Duquette, a former general manager for the Boston Red Sox and Montreal Expos. He has held tryouts in Israel, Massachusetts and Miami so far. The six Israeli teams are the Beit Shemesh Blue Sox, Haifa/Nahariya Stingrays, Jersualem/Gezer Lions, Netanya Tigers, Petah Tikva Pioneers and Tel Aviv Lightning. Prospects can check the Israel Baseball League's Web site for future tryouts. - 10 January 11 ' 2007 Alan Hitsky, associate editor This Week Latest From Israel Want the most current news from Israel? Check our streaming news from Ynetnevvs.com for continuous updates and longer news, opinion and feature stories. Just visit JNonline.us and click on a scrolling story on the left. Eagle Scout Max Olender, 14, stands in front of a statue of young Gerald Ford. One Eagle To Another Eagle Scout Max Olender, 14, from Boy Scout Troop 364 (chartered to the Adat Shalom Synagogue Men's Club), went to Grand Rapids last week to honor the late President Gerald Ford, who also made Eagle Scout at age 14. Max joined hundreds of Eagle Scouts at the Gerald R. Ford Museum in Grand Rapids to participate in a special Eagle tribute to the Ford family as they arrived from Washington, D.C. Following the tribute, the Eagle Scouts paid their respects to the president by filing past his casket in pairs. Max attended with his par- ents, Amy and Allen Olender of West Bloomfield. - Keri Guten Cohen, story development editor New Breeding Ground Noted British journalist and author Melanie Phillips will speak at 7 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 16, at the Jewish Community Center in West Bloomfield about her newest book, Londonistan, in which she expos- es Al Qaeda's recruiting ground in England. She also explains how the advance of global jihad is being facilitated by a collapse of Western values and national identity. Her talk is sponsored by the Jewish Institue for National Security Affairs, the JCC, ZOA-Michigan Region and CAMERA. - Keri Guten Cohen, story development editor Honoring Active Servicemen At its annual Veteran's Day program, Congregation B'nai Moshe of West Bloomfield made it clear that active-duty Jewish members of the military, including reservists called to active duty, deserve the utmost respect. The synagogue announced it would give free membership to these individuals for the period of their service, plus the following year. The synagogue board adopted the policy "to recognize the great personal and financial sacrifices they make for the citizens of our country and our community." More than 100 people attended the special Shabbat evening ser- vice, including veterans from World War II, the Korean, Cold War and Vietnam eras as well as veterans from other countries, such as Israel, Canada and Czechoslavakia. The event was sponsored by the B'nai Moshe Men's Club. They heard speaker Hans Weinmann, who witnessed Kristallnact as a young boy. Those who qualify for the free dues program as active-duty members of the military should contact the B'nai Moshe office, (248) 788-0600. - Keri Guten Cohen, story development editor Web Extras Looking for breaking news in our local Jewish community? Or maybe hoping to get a head start on stories you'll find in the coming week's JN? Or maybe searching for features stories about the national or international Jewish communities? Don't forget to look at the JN Web site. Just visit JNonline.us and click on Web Extras on the left. JBlog Arnie Goldman, 50 years young, brings back memories with his nostalgic musings about Detroit Jewish life – and life in general. Jeff Klein offers his Perspectives on everything from dat- ing to friendship. Always thoughtful, often provoca- tive. Or perhaps you'd rather read about the adventures of Laurie Freeman's China Punim, 4-year-old Amanda? Only at JNonline.us . Just click on JBlog on the menu on the left. Last week's poll results: As a new year begins, do you think U.S. troops will still be in Iraq in at the end of 2007? Yes 91% No 9% This week's poll question: Do you think schools should be closed on Martin Luther King Jr. Day? Visit the JNonline.us homepage to cast your vote.