Front Lines

NOTEBOOK

JNenline

What A Business!
The times are rough. Businesses, to meet demands, are considering

— nay, enacting — mergers in attempts to keep afloat.
If you are seeking to expand your business
portfolio, here are some consolidations that you
should be on the lookout for — get in on the
ground floor and make some big bucks. (Well, at
least you can get a few chuckles from them; and
that's what I'm all about anyway.)
• Jell-0 and Dolly Madison will combine to
become Jello Dolly.
• Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics,
Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Co. will merge and
become Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
• Polygram Records, Warner Bros. and Zesta
Crackers will join forces to become Poly Warner
Cracker.
• H.R. Block and VFR Head Corp. will merge
into BlockHead (doesn't appear like a sound investment, does it?).
• 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as MMMGood.
• Lone Star Technical and Range Ross will become Lone Ranger
(investors may then say, "There goes my silver — awaaaay".)
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining
will merge into ZipAudiDoDa.
• FedEx is expected to join its major competitor UPS to become
FedUp (since most of their customers already are).
• Somantech, Ortho and Time Warner will merge into SomOthrTime.
• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become
Fairwell Honeychild (bound to be a big seller in the South).
• Bowater Inc. and Leggett and Platt will emerge as Bow Leg.
• Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become Knott NOW! (Feminists, arise!)
• Hansens and Brinker will survive as Hans Brinker (and will prob-
ably skate through the NASDAQ).
• The Chubb Group and Checker Cab will evolve into Chubby
Checker (with all the singer's royalties tied up in it).
• Heinz 57 and Hite Photo will live together as HeinzHite (which,
looking back, may not be all bad.)
• Sirius and Business Objects will be come SiriusBusiness.
• Mother's Margarine and Earthlink will develop into MotherEarth
(except a magazine already exists under that name).
• Just in time for next year's Christmas season, Compuware,
Universal, Alcoa, Fifth Third and Fuel Cell will take the market by
storm as ComALUFifthFul.
All right, so I'm not an investment adviser. But then, you weren't
really reading for stock tips anyway, were you? If you were, then just
remember to buy low and sell high. 2

Spring Training
A 67-year-old Holocaust survivor, several high school stars and 60
athletes in between tried out Dec. 19 in Miami for the new, profes-
sional Israel Baseball League.
The six-team league, which has only three fields right now, plans
to begin play in June. It hopes to attract Jewish athletes from Major
League Baseball, its minor league affiliates and other talent for games
in Israel and, hopefully, the 2009 World Baseball Classic.
Player development director for the IBL is Dan Duquette, a former
general manager for the Boston Red Sox and Montreal Expos. He has
held tryouts in Israel, Massachusetts and Miami so far.
The six Israeli teams are the Beit Shemesh Blue Sox, Haifa/Nahariya
Stingrays, Jersualem/Gezer Lions, Netanya Tigers, Petah Tikva
Pioneers and Tel Aviv Lightning.
Prospects can check the Israel Baseball League's Web site for future
tryouts.

-

10

January 11

'

2007

Alan Hitsky, associate editor

This Week

Latest From Israel

Want the most current
news from Israel? Check
our streaming news from
Ynetnevvs.com for continuous
updates and longer news,
opinion and feature stories.
Just visit JNonline.us and
click on a scrolling story on
the left.

Eagle Scout Max
Olender, 14, stands in
front of a statue of
young Gerald Ford.

One Eagle To Another
Eagle Scout Max Olender, 14, from Boy Scout Troop 364 (chartered to
the Adat Shalom Synagogue Men's Club), went to Grand Rapids last
week to honor the late President Gerald Ford, who also made Eagle
Scout at age 14.
Max joined hundreds of Eagle Scouts at the Gerald R. Ford Museum
in Grand Rapids to participate in a special Eagle tribute to the Ford
family as they arrived from Washington, D.C.
Following the tribute, the Eagle Scouts paid their respects to the
president by filing past his casket in pairs. Max attended with his par-
ents, Amy and Allen Olender of West Bloomfield.

- Keri Guten Cohen, story development editor

New Breeding Ground
Noted British journalist and author Melanie Phillips will speak at
7 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 16, at the Jewish Community Center in West
Bloomfield about her newest book, Londonistan, in which she expos-
es Al Qaeda's recruiting ground in England. She also explains how the
advance of global jihad is being facilitated by a collapse of Western
values and national identity.
Her talk is sponsored by the Jewish Institue for National Security
Affairs, the JCC, ZOA-Michigan Region and CAMERA.

- Keri Guten Cohen, story development editor

Honoring Active Servicemen
At its annual Veteran's Day program, Congregation B'nai Moshe of
West Bloomfield made it clear that active-duty Jewish members of the
military, including reservists called to active duty, deserve the utmost
respect.
The synagogue announced it would give free membership to these
individuals for the period of their service, plus the following year. The
synagogue board adopted the policy "to recognize the great personal
and financial sacrifices they make for the citizens of our country and
our community."
More than 100 people attended the special Shabbat evening ser-
vice, including veterans from World War II, the Korean, Cold War and
Vietnam eras as well as veterans from other countries, such as Israel,
Canada and Czechoslavakia. The event was sponsored by the B'nai
Moshe Men's Club.
They heard speaker Hans Weinmann, who witnessed Kristallnact as
a young boy.
Those who qualify for the free dues program as active-duty members
of the military should contact the B'nai Moshe office, (248) 788-0600.

- Keri Guten Cohen, story development editor

Web Extras

Looking for breaking news in
our local Jewish community?
Or maybe hoping to get a
head start on stories you'll
find in the coming week's
JN? Or maybe searching
for features stories about
the national or international
Jewish communities? Don't
forget to look at the JN Web
site.
Just visit JNonline.us and
click on Web Extras on the
left.

JBlog

Arnie Goldman, 50 years
young, brings back memories
with his nostalgic musings
about Detroit Jewish life
– and life in general. Jeff
Klein offers his Perspectives
on everything from dat-
ing to friendship. Always
thoughtful, often provoca-
tive. Or perhaps you'd rather
read about the adventures
of Laurie Freeman's China
Punim, 4-year-old Amanda?
Only at JNonline.us . Just
click on JBlog on the menu
on the left.

Last week's poll results:
As a new year begins, do
you think U.S. troops will still
be in Iraq in at the end of
2007?

Yes 91%
No 9%

This week's poll question:
Do you think schools should
be closed on Martin Luther
King Jr. Day?
Visit the JNonline.us
homepage to cast your vote.

