First Round www.RegentStreetolWestaloonefleklcom at otred Woof ad Phone: 244.aitt. Anis' .ted Living Alt Inclusive Package Tune Up Anyone? Nurses on dUiy. 24' hours a day .Dementia care Gourmet dining Therapeutic recreation Family support Respite care Hospice First Class Accommodations--With all the amenities expected! I Orchard_ Lake Rd.. South of Lone Pine Rd., West Bloomfield, MI 11439,10 to - snop at at ievvisnicorn nline at ww.jewish.com order from our catalog 866-J U DAI CA phone us at 866-J U DAI CA 8 August 3 - 2006 iN f anyone knows of a g L- . ) ood auto mechanic school I could enroll in, let me know. I don't like my job any more. . Sure, as a journalist, I have access to people that few oth- ers do, and as a columnist I get to. vent on a weekly basis, but enough is enough. My job requires me to be on top of the news, and lately all I want to do is avoid it. I suppose I brought it upon myself, chiding the media for living in "Infotainment-land:' a bizarre world where a Hollywood marriage/divorce/ dalliance/birth, or minor fender bender requires a lead story in the news. All it took was a couple of Israeli sol- diers being kidnapped, a couple of mis- siles launched into Haifa and the words of the crazed leader of Iran and "sud- denly I'm wishing for a lead story about Paris Hilton playing Mother Teresa in a movie. You know, something I can shake my head at, instead of burying it. I'm trying really hard to not watch the 11 p.m. news. Watching violent images and listening to warnings by expert doomsayers right before bedtime is a good way to spend a few hours tossing and turning before the brain is ready to settle down. So why another new career? Wouldn't regressing to the bartending life be enough? Bars have.televisions. Bars have alco- hol and people who watch television and who talk aboUt sports and news and alcohol. Being an auto mechanic lets me do something productive. I don't have to feed a room full of beasts a controlled substance that makes them act irrational, allows them to say mind-blowingly stupid things to their loved ones or makes them throw up on said loved ones. If you doubt me on this point, please visit your near- est saloon and ask your bartender for their favorite "drunk" story. Chances are you'll get a dozen of them. As an auto mechanic, I get to fix broken stuff all day long and make people feel better with- out actually having to deal with people themselves. If you think I'm a people-person you'd be wrong because I like people as much as I like traffic or nosebleeds. I understand that, as a Jewish male, my ability to fix something that requires these things called tools is somewhat limited. But I will try very hard to keep up. I have often gazed at the tool kit I received as a housewarming gift from my real estate agent. I've used the hammer and the screw- driver on several occasions with much success, but there are so many other tools in the box that I have never seen. Perhaps this toolbox is made not just for the home but for the automobile as well. If so, I will be well ahead of the game. I will take these tools to my car and see what fits where and what I can tighten or loosen. I will take these tools to the car and I will take bandages and the phone num- bent° Ray's Towing becade I am not foolhardy Or I just might reconsider everything and find a career that fits some of my previous knowledge. I could be an orthodontist. I had braces. Ti Harry Kirsbaum's e-mail address is hkirsbaum@thejewishnews.com .