First Round
www.RegentStreetolWestaloonefleklcom
at otred
Woof ad
Phone: 244.aitt.
Anis' .ted Living Alt Inclusive Package
Tune Up Anyone?
Nurses on dUiy. 24' hours a day
.Dementia care
Gourmet dining
Therapeutic recreation
Family support
Respite care
Hospice
First Class Accommodations--With all the amenities expected!
I
Orchard_ Lake Rd.. South of Lone Pine Rd., West Bloomfield, MI
11439,10
to - snop at at
ievvisnicorn
nline at
ww.jewish.com
order from our
catalog
866-J U DAI CA
phone us at
866-J U DAI CA
8
August 3 - 2006
iN
f anyone knows of a
g L- . ) ood auto mechanic
school I could enroll in,
let me know.
I don't like my job any
more. .
Sure, as a journalist, I have
access to people that few oth-
ers do, and as a columnist I
get to. vent on a weekly basis,
but enough is enough.
My job requires me to be
on top of the news, and lately all I want
to do is avoid it.
I suppose I brought it upon myself,
chiding the media for living in
"Infotainment-land:' a bizarre world
where a Hollywood marriage/divorce/
dalliance/birth, or minor fender bender
requires a lead story in the news.
All it took was a couple of Israeli sol-
diers being kidnapped, a couple of mis-
siles launched into Haifa and the words
of the crazed leader of Iran and "sud-
denly I'm wishing for a lead story about
Paris Hilton playing Mother Teresa in a
movie.
You know, something I can shake my
head at, instead of burying it.
I'm trying really hard to not watch the
11 p.m. news. Watching violent images
and listening to warnings by expert
doomsayers right before bedtime is a
good way to spend a few hours tossing
and turning before the brain is ready to
settle down.
So why another new career? Wouldn't
regressing to the bartending life be
enough?
Bars have.televisions. Bars have alco-
hol and people who watch television and
who talk aboUt sports and news and
alcohol.
Being an auto mechanic lets me do
something productive.
I don't have to feed a room full of
beasts a controlled substance that makes
them act irrational, allows them to say
mind-blowingly stupid
things to their loved ones
or makes them throw up on
said loved ones.
If you doubt me on this
point, please visit your near-
est saloon and ask your
bartender for their favorite
"drunk" story. Chances are
you'll get a dozen of them.
As an auto mechanic, I
get to fix broken stuff all day
long and make people feel better with-
out actually having to deal with people
themselves.
If you think I'm a people-person you'd
be wrong because I like people as much
as I like traffic or nosebleeds.
I understand that, as a Jewish male,
my ability to fix something that requires
these things called tools is somewhat
limited. But I will try very hard to keep
up.
I have often gazed at the tool kit I
received as a housewarming gift from
my real estate agent.
I've used the hammer and the screw-
driver on several occasions with much
success, but there are so many other
tools in the box that I have never seen.
Perhaps this toolbox is made not just
for the home but for the automobile as
well. If so, I will be well ahead of the
game. I will take these tools to my car
and see what fits where and what I can
tighten or loosen.
I will take these tools to the car and I
will take bandages and the phone num-
bent° Ray's Towing becade I am not
foolhardy
Or I just might reconsider everything
and find a career that fits some of my
previous knowledge.
I could be an orthodontist.
I had braces. Ti
Harry Kirsbaum's e-mail address is
hkirsbaum@thejewishnews.com .