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38
July 6 • 2006
Shabbat Chukat/Balak:
Numbers 19:1-25:9;
Micah 5:5-6:8.
T
dren. Our hearts are so
he rabbis said that
designed that one word
love which does not
of re-proof for many of
contain a measure
these is like a threat; it's
of re-proof or criticism isn't
perceived as a withdraw-
really love. Because what
al of love; it's like a rejec-
does love mean?
tion; and yet, that kind
Does it mean a total accep-
of criticism is a very
tance of one's partner in
powerful source for our
marriage? A total acceptance
Rabbi
own personal growth.
of one's children in every-
Irwin Groner
A genuine friend is
thing they do?
Special to the
not one who rehashes all
Love which is authentic
Jewish News
our virtues. We already
involves a recognition of the
know them quite well,
faults and weaknesses of
thank you.
those who are very dear and
Criticism has to be done in the •
close to us. If we truly love another, we
spirit of friendship and concern, of
seek to enhance the life of that signifi-
love and loyalty. It has to be done in
cant other.
such a way that after the criticism,
When love is not blind, but critical,
your friend remains a friend; and the
when there is an effort made in the
love you give and the love that you
spirit of love for people intimately
receive from your dear ones is
not diminished or altered.
And so, we are called upon
to understand this important
truth. A criticism of love and
concern brings blessing. May
we learn how to do this in the
way of friendship and under-
standing, and may we, thereby,
inspire those whom we love to
greater growth and achieve-
ment and spiritual blessing.
Criticism is a blow to our
ego, an assault upon our
self image. Words of
criticism hurt.
associated to challenge each other, to
stimulate each other, to bring about
a greater realization of their human
potential from each other, then that
love leads to growth and development
and achievement.
But how many of us are philosophi-
cal enough to accept criticism? The
Book of Proverbs assures us: "Rebuke
a wise man and he will bless you." But
how many of us bless our critics?
Criticism is a blow to our ego, an
assault upon our self image. Words of
criticism hurt. Often, they hurt longer
than a physical blow. How true the
Yiddish proverb "A slap passes; a word
remains." Criticism hurts most when
it comes from those we love.
We want to look good to our par-
ents, to our spouse and to our chil-
Irwin Groner is rabbi emeritus of
Congregation Shaarey Zedek in Oakland
County.
Conversations
When is criticism a moral
act? Why should we be grateful
for our critics? What is the dif-
ference between criticism and
constructive criticism?