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To officiate or not? Mixed marriage
on agenda for Reform rabbis.
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Sue Fishkoff
Jewish Telegraphic Agency
San Diego
R
abbi Deborah Bravo of
Temple B'nai Jeshurun
in Short Hills, N.J., went
through plenty of placement inter-
views after her 1998 ordination as a
Reform rabbi. Everywhere, she got the
same question: not about her attitude
toward homosexuality, not whether she
wore a kippah and tallit, but whether
she would officiate at an intermarriage.
"It has become the litmus test for
placement," Rabbi Bravo said in San
Diego at last month's annual conven-
tion of the Central Conference of
American Rabbis, the Reform move-
ment's rabbinical association.
Rabbi Jerome Davidson of Temple
Beth-El in Great Neck, N.Y., a member
of the conference's ad-hoc committee
on intermarriage, hoped to introduce
a resolution at the convention calling
on the organization to condone rabbis
performing intermarriages, as long
as the non-Jewish partner doesn't
practice another faith and the couple
is open to leading a Jewish life. That's
the standard required by most Reform
rabbis that perform mixed marriages.
Knowing it was still too controver-
sial to pass easily, however, Davidson
and his colleagues put off a resolution
until the conference's next convention,
in March 2007.
Unlike their Orthodox and
Conservative colleagues, who are not
permitted to perform intermarriages,
Reform rabbis are discouraged but not
forbidden from doing so. A 1973 con-
ference resolution declares the group's
opposition to members participating
in any ceremony that solemnizes a
mixed marriage, but the resolution is
non-binding.
Reform rabbis — as well as
Reconstructionist, Humanist and unaf-
filiated rabbis — must decide on an
individual basis whether they will per-
form intermarriages. Many say it's one
of their most difficult decisions.
"The question of officiation is a very
tricky one," said Rabbi David Ellenson,
president of the Reform movement's
Hebrew Union College-Jewish institute
of Religion. "It's the only time where
we say no."
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"No" is not a popular answer in today's
Reform congregations, rabbis say.
Though there aren't hard numbers, it's
estimated that about half say yes.
Their ranks are growing every year,
forced more by pressure from their
congregants — many of them inter-
married themselves — than by any
theological revision.
Rabbis at the convention said the
tipping point may finally have been
reached: At a time when half of all new
Jewish marriages involve a non-Jewish
partner, Reform rabbis who refuse to
perform intermarriages feel they're on
the defensive.
"It is becoming more and more
uncomfortable to be a Reform rabbi
who does not officiate at intermarriag-
es," said Rabbi Howard Jaffe of Temple
Isaiah in Lexington, Mass.
On the other hand, rabbis who do
officiate feel they can finally be open
about their stance.
"We need to be realistic," said Rabbi
Stephen Pearce of Congregation
Emanu-El in San Francisco. Turning
mixed couples away at the altar is
enormously hurtful."
Some Reform rabbis believe it's time
for the conference to adopt a nuanced
acceptance of the practice. "We're liv-
ing in a new era of American Jewish
life," Rabbi Davidson said.
The 1973 resolution discouraging
rabbis from officiating at intermar-
riages was predicated on the assump-
tion that those unions "invariably led
to assimilation," but growing numbers
of mixed couples joining Reform con-
gregations and raising Jewish children
have disproved that thesis, he said.
"We should be ready to be there
when the couple begins its Jewish
journey, assuming we feel that's the
journey they're going to take," he said.
Others, like Rabbi Steven Fox, the
conference's newly installed executive
vice president, think the time isn't
right. The conference should unite
Reform rabbis rather than set poten-
tially divisive policy, Rabbi Fox said,
adding that rabbis who don't perform
intermarriages "need the support" of
the conference for their increasingly
unpopular decisions.
Even many rabbis who perform
interfaith weddings say it should be
((