Larry Charlupski of Orchard Lake

and Davida Robinson of Franklin

A new
ceremony
brings closure
to the
mourning
period.

Rabbi Yanoff of

West Bloomfield

32

June 29 2006

Judith Doner Berne

Special to the Jewish News

W

hen Davida (DeDe) Robinson
completed saying Kaddish for
her mother six years ago, the
Franklin wife, mother of three and substi-
tute teacher found "there was no closure.
"It was like staying all day in shul on
Yom Kippur and leaving before hearing
the shofar," she said. "Something was miss-
ing."
For 11 months, she had bonded with
others in mourning as they met for the
daily minyan at Shaarey Zedek B'nai Israel
Center in West Bloomfield. One by one, she
said, the mourners disappeared without
communal acknowledgment after their
mourning period was over.
So, last year, when she was no longer
a mourner, she was struck by an article
headlined, "Traveling the Mourner's Path:
A New Ceremony."
The piece, written by Paula Jacobs,
detailed a ceremony Jacobs had intro-
duced at Temple Israel of Natick in
Massachusetts to acknowledge the final
step in Judaism's year-long mourn-
ing process. It appeared in the United
Synagogue Review, a publication of the
Conservative Jewish movement.
"The inextricable bonds created by the
daily minyan community became appar-
ent soon after I began reciting Kaddish for
my father," Jacobs said. "Seeing the same

familiar faces each day at minyan became
a significant part of the healing process.
"When members of the minyan disap-
peared after their period of mourning
came to an end, our close-knit group felt
their absence. I decided it was important
to acknowledge both the individual's tran-
sition from the mourner's path and the
important role of the minyan community
during this spiritual journey"
The ceremony, which she created in
1999, has evolved over the years and is
tailored to the individual who is complet-
ing the mourning period. It includes the
mourner's tribute to the deceased and
how the minyan has helped him or her,
a prayer written by Jacobs, the reading
of a psalm (Psalm 121 is suggested) and
presentation of a daily prayer book in
memory of the deceased and autographed
to the mourner on the inside front cover
by the minyan.
"Really, at this point it's part of our
ritual at our synagogue,' Jacobs said. "It
has made people more sensitive to the
meaning of Kaddish and how the minyan
can help people heal.
"We have a very small chapel. People
come out of the woodwork to come to the
ceremony. The minyan attendance has
really flourished."
On the Friday before Memorial Day,
Jacobs presented the Massachusetts min-
yan's 100th siddur (daily prayer book).
Robinson's was the third such ritual at

Shaarey Zedek B'nai Israel Center.
Rabbi Eric Yanoff introduced Robinson's
ceremony. Larry Charlupski of Orchard
Lake, a friend from childhood and the first
mourner to go through the new ritual,
returned to act as leader and present
Robinson with a siddur signed by mem-
bers of the close-knit group with whom
she mourned.
Robinson spoke of her father, Jules
Doneson, and her own reflections:
"My journey on the mourner's path this
time has been filled with a supportive
and caring community ... We have cried
together and also had shoulders to cry on,
but more importantly we have laughed
together.
"We are in the infancy stage of this cer-
emony, but with the help of Rabbi Yanoff,
who is amazing and supportive, and the
committee of which you are now all on
the executive board, this ceremony will
become a tradition at B'nai Israel."
Charlupski and Marla Schloss of West
Bloomfield marked the end of their
mourning periods in recent weeks.
"It was meaningful for me:' Charlupski
said. "I was saying Kaddish for 20 months
running. My parents, Allen and Franka
Charlupski, died within nine months of
one another.
"The ceremony itself was acknowledge-
ment from people who had experienced
the same thing',' he said. "I hope it becomes
a permanent part of synagogue life."