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Sunday Sam-4pm Ph.: 248-440-0577 Fax: 248-440-0599 Breakfast Special Available World's from page 59 Jewish-Catholic household, approach- common concerns, the talk should be es her subject with religious interests. limited by understanding how their As she describes the stages, Murphy children would feel if they found out covers the issue of guilt beyond the about these discussions. Jewish community — mothers who The issue of privacy, she explains, feel inadequate both because of the begins to surface at age 9 or 10. choices they have made and the jobs Interest in others' families has they are doing for family and perhaps involved Murphy with two nonprofit employers as well. organizations. The Greyston Family "Mothers feel guilty about every-. Inn assists the homeless. Zero to thine says Murphy, a Harvard Three promotes the well-being of graduate who was editor-in-chief of infants and toddlers. Parents magazine. "Women struggle While giving timelines in covering with the feeling that they can't do any- the phases she describes, Murphy thing at the level they wish they could, goes on to say that phases are not but it's the bar they set for themselves necessarily clear-cut. She also main- that tends to be the problem, not the tains that all the options faced by this bar that somebody else sets for them. generation of mothers — working or "For a lot of my Jewish friends who staying home, embracing traditional are more observant than I am, one or nontraditional family structures of the big challenges is the notion — result in additional stress. of instilling compassion and raising "We don't walk a straight line when nice children who don't feel they're we're going through these stages," entitled to everything that they want. Murphy says."There's a lot ofidou- I think, in these kinds of situations, bling back. it is important to consider the ways "Obviously, a mother with a 3-year- values are being articulated and con- old and a 7-year-old is in two stages sequences [established for negative at once. [Regardless of the situation], behavior]." every mother on the planet needs help Murphy, a New Yorker who spent and support, and I hope this book a childhood summer studying art provides both." ❑ at the Cranbrook Academy of Art in Bloomfield Hills, advises that many parenting problems can be prevented Murphy's Laws if couples discuss how they want to • Be a mother, not Mother raise their kids before there is any Teresa: When you neglect your pregnancy. Too many couples, she own needs, you shortchange cautions, think they can work out your kids. problems at the times when they • Watch out for the "Expert surface, and that is not necessarily and the Dumb Apprentice productive. Trap": Dads don't appreciate "The kind of religious upbringing or need micromanaging. Babies our kids were going to have is some- thrive on different parenting thing I struggled with personally even styles. though neither my husband nor I was • Give yourself credit for find- particularly religious before we got ing Lego Man's hair: Little acts married," says Murphy, wife of pub- of caring matter more to your lishing executive Steven Murphy. kids than getting through your "Neither of us was going to convert, to-do list. so we struggled with what we were • Give kids the gift of letting going to do. We ended up talking them stumble: Kids who never about the elements of a spiritual prac- learn to muscle through tough tice that we felt would benefit the kids times are not happy campers. and us." • Know when you're in the Murphy, who can cite studies that wrong movie: Don't try to cast show women have a basic need to your kids in a remake of your share feelings, says that women should childhood. think through what they are going to discuss before discussions begin with For more information, go to family members and friends. Although www.annpleshettemurphy.com . moms can benefit by talking over