It's Not My Holiday

hate non-Jewish holidays:' said
Asher, 3. Looking at his curly brown
hair and bright blue eyes, I wondered
where this came from.
I thought about how I didn't send him
to school on Oct. 31 because the other
kids were wearing their Halloween cos-
tumes. As OrthodoX Jews, we don't
observe Halloween. Still, we sent our eld-
est child to a seculat preschool as a way to.
show him diversity. It was a failing exper-:
itnent — he'd missed school several
times for our holidays. He eats different
snacks — kosher snacks — than the
other kids. And after Thanksgiving,
strings of lights and fake fir trees were
showing up in corners of the sleek school.
Before I could respond, he said it again:
"I hate non-Jewish holidays, I hate
Halloween and Christmas." A minute
later, he was off to the bookshelf, pulling
down a favorite, a Caribbean tale called
Tap Tap. "Will you read this please?"
If Asher couldn't articulate his feelings,
I could. Despite our attempts to expose
him to the melting pot, we were setting
him up to be an outsider because of his
religious restrictions.
I understand my son's feelings all too
well because I have spent much of my life
trying not to feel left out. At 25, I dropped
the secular ways of my childhood for a
more observant path — a move that I
thought would prevent my children from

ever feeling like they don't belong. In
America, we talk about celebrating differ-
ences without considering the effect of
living in white, Christian culture. I guess
observing Shabbat until three stars shine
in the Saturday night sky and separating
milk and meat is not enough to build an
identity strong enough to withstand the
pressures of the majority.
For the first 25 years of my life, I tried
hard-to blend. My parents, both Jewish,
hung-felt stockings on our brick fireplace
and allowed me to leave cookies and milk
for Santa with a handwritten note so we
wouldn't feel different from our Gentile
schoolmates. I ate egg rolls at Chinese
restaurants and went to the movies on
Dec. 25, with all the other suburban Jews
from our neighborhood. I apologized to
my teachers for missing school on Rosh
Hashanah and Yom Kippur and paid spe-
cial attention to my homework from those
days so they wouldn't think I was just
goofing off.
In college, I spent one Dec. 25 with my
Catholic boyfriend family, a ceramic
Norman Rockwell ornament for his
mother and a red fuzzy sweater to wear
to his church. I ate smoked meats, thick
cheeses and pepper crackers as Perry
Como played on the stereo, and
Christmas morning I found a stocking
with my name in glitter glue full of
oranges and tcholchkes that I'd never use.

and thought it constitutional to have a
student-led prayer at school-sponsored
graduation (ACLU of New Jersey v. Black
Horse Pike Regional Board of Education)?
How could we pass a resolution sup-
porting workers' rights and not be con-
cerned about a judge who ruled that
Congress does not have the authority to
allow state employees to sue for damages
under the Family and Medical Leave Act
(Chittister v. Dept. of Comm. and Econ.
Devel.)?
And yes, in addition to these and many
other issues, we are a movement that
works toward ensuring the rights of
women in this country, including their .
right to privacy and reproductiVe choice.
As such, how could we not be deeply wor-
ried by a judge who wrote that it is consti-
tutionally permissible for a state to
require women to notifyIheir husbands,
except in limited circumstances, before

getting an abortion (Planned Parenthood
v. Casey)?
In 2002, the Union adopted a resolution
outlining how, why and when the move-
ment might take a position in opposition
to a nominee to the federal bench. Based
on the criteria and facts before us, the
Union has opposed only five of the nearly
250 federal court nominees.
Now, based on these same criteria, we
have opposed the nomination of Judge
Samuel Alito Jr. After hearing arguments
for and against (including remarks from
one of Judge Alito's law clerks who ably
argued for the nomination), the resolu-
tion passed overwhelmingly.
The editorial asserted that the Union's
opposition arose solely in response to
concerns surrounding Roe v. Wade; this
was not the case. It asserted our opposi-
tion was not true to our process; this was
not the case.:

I

rewards — like discounted
At John's church, I started to
hotel rates and empty slopes
question this Xmas envy. I had
the year I took him skiing in
plenty of special traditions in
northern Michigan.
my own backyard; why was I
This Dec. 25. I'll be cooking.
surfing someone else's for
My menu includes baked-but-
meaning?
still-crispy latkes, muffin-sized
After college, I worked at a
frittatas, vegetable soup and a
Jewish newspaper where I had
to know enough about my reli- Lynne Meredith birthday cake that our children
will decorate. My menu-plan-
Schr eiber
gion to write about it and
ning, meal-making and general
Corn munity
where I had colleagues who had
festivity are motivated by Avy's
Pertp ective
traded secular for religious. It
birthday and also the first
was then that I began to find
night of Chanukah. Finally, I
the specialness in my own tra-
have
coincided
with the mainstream.
ditions.
When
my
Gentile
friends worry about
It took a trip to Israel, countless sleep-
getting
their
Christmas
cookies done in
overs at the homes of religious Jews, and
time.,
I
can
offer
something
conversa-
five years of studying Torah with
tional
in
return.
Orthodox rabbis before I was safely out
In more than one way, God answered
of the envy zone and into my own Teli-
my
prayers with Avy: he gave me a lovely,
gious endeavors. That's when I met Avy,
talented
husband whose birthday
the always-been-Orthodox musician who
removes
the focus from the glaring lights
would become my husband. Little did I
of.
the
season.
That day is a peaceful one,
know, I would still focus on Dec. 25 —
not
motivated
by
a Messianic arrival.
only for very different reasons.
We're'still
waiting
for that. But on Dec.
One of the first things I learned about
25,
I
hear
the
wind
shriek in the eaves. I
my husband-to-be was that he was born
across the
listen
for
squirrels
crisping
on Dec. 25. When we met, Avy told me
snow
and
if
it's
not
too
cold,
I take the
how his father called friends and family
kids
outside
to
make
snow
angels.
The
the day he was born and joked that "the
symbols
may
be
similar,
but
the
meaning
Savior" had arrived. Every year, I find a
special way to honor his birthday. It's not 'has changed completely. ❑
hard. Most Americans are at home cele-
Lynne Meredith Schreiber, a freelance writer,
brating their holiday, so we reap the
lives in Southfield.

C

It asserted the URJ's opposition repre-
sented an abandonment of the "moral
"high ground" we strive for in our move-
ment; this was not the case.
The Union's biennial delegates from
around the country voted to preserye the
fundamental rights afforded to religion,
women andininorities that were the
greatest achievement of the High Court

over the past 50 years. Our decision to
oppose the nomination of Judge Alito is
consistent with our history, our past poli-
cies,, our traditions and our values. It is
the right approach: ❑

Former Detroiter Rabbi Marla J. Feldman is
director of the Commission on Social Action of
Re form Judaism.

"As we know, American jurisprudence
deeply affects nearly every issue of social
justice, equality, and fundamental
freedom that we as a movement have
long fought to establish and uphold."

December 22 • 2005

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