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Before we
knew it, Cereal
City had been
relocated from
Battle Creek
to my family's
laundry room.

you!" — Cereal City had relocated
from Battle Creek to our laundry
room. A single afternoon hitting 38
grocery stores within a 75-mile
radius of our house had produced
enough boxes of commercially
processed pre-sweetened and multi-
colored grains to feed all of Rhode
Island for a year. The only saving
grace was the fact that they all came
with enough added preservatives
that their expiration dates were
somewhere in the next millennium.
The key to any Wobbler recogni-
zance mission is to avoid getting
duplicate characters. Fourteen boxes
of Fruit Loops yielding 12 Donald
Ducks can bring an obsessive to
tears. I was convinced that the
remaining 23-odd Wobblers we were

after had not even been released (let
alone manufactured). I was simply
another sucker in the master cereal
conspiracy game.
But then something happened.
After four months of Wobbler fanati-
cism, I found myself alone at
the breakfast table late one
night, systematically sur-
veying a cereal box and
circling the Wobblers
that remained inaccessi-
ble. Then I read those
fateful words: A whole
set could be ordered
for $29.99, 3 UPCs
and an official order
form.
I confess that for a
brief moment I was jumping on the
easy route of that Bambi bandwagon.
But Doc and not Dopey got the bet-
ter of me, for I knew that the joy
was in the cereal challenge of the
Mad Hatter hunt, the Simba search,
the Pinocchio pursuit.
My daughter and I wouldn't take
the easy way out even if it meant
dinners of Frosted Flakes and Rice
Krispies until she went off to col-
lege. As I created a spreadsheet of
grocery store delivery routes and
times of incoming cereal boxes, I
knew she and I were going to do this
the right Wobblers way.
But if anyone out there has an
extra Dumbo, I'll gladly trade you
my pile of 18 Buzz Lightyears that
are staring at me from my desk.
And I'll even throw in 14 boxes of
Apple Jacks.

❑

B ob Schwartz is a syndicated humor
writer based in Huntington Woods.
His essays have appeared in more
than 150 publications. His newest
book is "Would Somebody Please
Send Me to My Room!" (Glenbridge
Publishing Ltd). He can be reached
at bob@schwartzhumorcom and
www.schwartzhumorcorn.

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