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Rabbi Eric Yoffie said American youths are entering puberty earli- er, being exposed to more sexual imagery through the Internet and other media and increasingly are experimenting with sex as early as middle school. Those trends are as true for Reform Jews as for society in gen- eral, said the president of the 1.5- million-member Union for Reform Judaism. He said the prob- lems show up on trips to Israel and at summer camps, where the staffs do a good job of policing the teens but not a good job of advis- ing them on sexual issues. "That our kids need our guid- ance is indisputable, and they are puzzled by our failure to offer it',' Rabbi Yoffie said. He cited the example of an unnamed teenager who expressed frustration at the lack of help from Judaism, which guides most aspects of life, when it comes to assessing her relation- ship with her boyfriend. "The Torah has all these confus- ing teachings',' Rabbi Yoffie quoted the girl. "Which parts really apply to life today?" He said the liberal, open-mind- ed nature of the Reform move- ment works against it when it comes to addressing destructive teen behavior. "We are not very good at saying no in Reform Judaism. We are the most creative and forward-looking movement in Jewish life, but in the realm of per- sonal behavior, we are reluctant to ever use the word 'forbidden." Rabbi Yoffie changed that in his Shabbat sermon to some 4,000 people during the URJ's biennial convention: He said no to teen sex, and he said no to sex at any age R when the physical is divorced from the emotional and spiritual. He said it makes no sense to oppose sexual relations outside marriage between adults — whether of opposite sexes or the same sex — as long as each part- ner is sensitive to the needs of the other in a loving relationship. "On the other hand, we say in the clearest possible way that high school students should not be hav- ing sexual relations': Rabbi Yoffie said. "Our teens are not adults. They are beset by tension with parents, pressure from friends, a desire for approval and an uncer- tain sense of self. This means that students in high school are not yet ready for the loving, mutual rela- tionships that make sex an experi- ence of holiness." To convey the necessary mes- sage about sex without generalities or platitudes, the URJ is unveiling a six-part course for b'nai mitzvah students, and it will present a fol- low-up course for rising high school freshmen in February 2007. Rabbi Yoffie said in an interview that he has traveled to Reform camps and schools the past two years and learned what teens want and need from the movement regarding sex. Counselors, teach- ers, youth leaders and experts in adolescence contributed to the courses. The courses emphasize that girls should not judge their own worth based on how they please boys. "Since we are creatures of God, and holiness is attained through loving relationships, sex for its own sake leads to exploitation and hurt;' Rabbi Yoffie said. Atlantan Andy Shoenig of Temple Emanu-El, president of the North American Federation of Temple Youth, said the courses have been in the works a long time because they are needed. Teens "want to learn," Shoenig said after the speech. "Now the synagogue can be that place for learning." ❑ November 24 2005