ntertainment

Coping
With
Death

Former Detroiter
writes novel, founds
business
as way of dealing
with loss.

KIMBERLY LIFTON
Special to the Jewish News

A

t first, writing the novel
The Funeral Planner (Red
Ink Press; $12.95) was a
way for Lynn Isenberg to avoid the
vital grieving process.
Her father died seven years ago,

Author Lynn Isenberg

and her brother died on the same
date a year later. Her father told
only her brother the truth about the
rapid progression of his illness, and
Isenberg felt a bit guilty for not
spending more time with her dad.
The grief was too hard to face head
on.
So she did what she does best. At
the shivah, she went to work, inter-
viewing friends and relatives on
camera, asking questions about his
life.
"Maybe I was in denial, with no
knowledge or coping skills on what
to do," she recalls in a grief guide
she subsequently wrote with Ira
Kaufman Funeral Director David
Techner of Southfield. "It seemed
to me that grief was some omnipo-
tent force, and all you could really
do was sit it out and wait for the
pain to dissolve."
The book idea came a year after
her brother's death from illness.
While he was still alive, her brother
requested that their cousin from
Flint, a famous entertainer who
wishes to remain nameless for this
article, sing at his funeral. She did,
and a guest suggested to Isenberg

that funerals be more celebratory
than sad.
It was at that moment that
Isenberg first flirted with the idea of
penning her second comedy novel,
about the adventures of a single,
Jewish woman in the pre-funeral
planning business. (Her first, 2003's
semi-autobiographical My Life
Uncovered, was about an aspiring
screenwriter.)
"In the beginning, I started [The
Funeral Planner] to avoid grief,"
Isenberg says. "Then it became a
way for me to work through it. It
became a cathartic process."

Semi Autobiographical

The book features an ambitious
character, Madison Banks who,
much like Isenberg, is high energy,
driven, full of ideas and never stops
thinking up new projects and ven-
tures. Armed with an MBA, Maddy
leaves Ann Arbor for California,
where she has trouble finding her
niche.
It is only after Maddy comes
home to Ann Arbor for a friend's
funeral -- the second funeral of

Good Grief

Grief counselor and author David Kessler helped noted psychiatrist
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross bring her life's work full circle.

KIMBERLY LIFTON
Special the Jewish News

B

efore she died in August
2004, pioneering psychiatrist
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross asked
her friend David Kessler to carry on
her work.
.
The world's foremost authority on
the study of death and dying intro-
duced the world to her theory that
the dying go through five stages
(grief, denial, anger, bargaining,
depression and acceptance) in her
1969 best selling book, On Death
and Dying.
She had been working with Kessler,
an expert on the subject in his own
right, and was counting on him to
take her work to the next level. The
result: Promoting their collaborative
project, On Grief and Grieving:
Finding the Meaning of Grief through
the Five Stages of Loss (Scribner; $25).
"I miss not having Elisabeth here,"

said Kessler, 46, of Los Angeles, who
was in Metro Detroit last month to
facilitate a continuing education sem-
inar and discuss his book at Borders
in Birmingham. "I always thought
she would be talking with me about
our book."
When the duo began this project,
they wanted to influence the way
people experience the process of
grief, he said. It was a natural follow-
up to Kubler-Ross' bestseller on
death. Kessler had already written a
book, The Needs of the Dying, and
together they had written Life
Lessons: Two Experts on Death and
Dying Teach Us.
"There is not a typical response to
loss as there is no typical loss,"
Kessler said. "Our grief is as individ-
ual as our lives."
The five stages of loss are tools to
help people identify feelings, and
they do not follow a prescribed order,
he added.

Addressing Loss

On Grief and Grieving is based
on Kubler-Ross' and Kessler's
professional and personal expe-
riences. It is filled with brief,
topic-driven stories.
It includes sections
on sadness, haunt-
ings, dreams, cop-
ing, children, heal-
ing, isolation and
even the subject of
sex during grief.
Through stories and
practical advice, the
book addresses the
complex process of
grieving.
This is a companion with a bea-
con for those dark times," Kessler
said, adding that modern society does
not deal well with death. "In the old
days, people gathered at death beds
and learned lessons. That's all gone
now. We live in a sterile environment,

with no one pass-
ing on wisdom.
"We wanted this
book to cover
things people don't
talk about," Kessler
said. "We want to
help people find
peace with loss.
We don't believe in
David Kessler
closure. We don't
says his book is believe you ever
"a beacon for
close the books on
dark times."
loss."
Kessler believes
this final collabo-
rative venture will help people put
death into perspective so they can
feel whole again after a loss.
"Society wants us to get over it,
and get on with it," Kessler said.
"People try to put time limits on
grief. Grief doesn't end. With time,
you learn to remember the person
without pain." II