with AD/HD, Beyond Piles, Palms er
Post-its. She compiled advice from
women throughout the country,
including those who have the disorder
as well as psychotherapists, coaches
and other professionals in the field.
The book is filled with practical
ideas for managing daily living tasks
like meal planning, shopping, cook-
ing, laundry, bill paying and time
management, along with suggestions
for improving memory, parenting and
communication skills. Lines such as
"Life is too short to stuff a mushroom"
remind the reader that a sense of
humor can override even the most
overwhelming circumstances.
A comprehensive list of resources
includes numerous Web sites, books,
organizational products, tapes, CD's,
organizations, newsletters and support
groups for people with ADD.

Couples Cope

Marriage brings its own challenges;
but when one of the partners has
ADD, life becomes even more compli-
cated.
"It's important to have a supportive
spouse," Solden said. "Some women

ADD Resources

Web sites:
wvvvv.addconsults.corn
www.messies.com
www.myADDstore.com
www.getorganizednow.com
www.addcoachacademy.com
www.addvance.com
www.addwarehouse.corn
www.sarisolden.com

allow themselves to be put down, in
subtle or not-so-subtle ways. They feel
they deserve to be berated. And many
spouses take things personally that
aren't.
"Women have to set limits and stop
over-focusing on their deficits. When
you change your view of yourself, a lot
of things change.
"Women internalize a lot of negative
`self-talk'," she said. "We're expected to
do a tremendous amount of tasks, and
do them well. If you have ADD, it can
really kill your self-esteem.
Brooke's husband, Steven, said,
"Our greatest coping skill is open
communication, as often as possible.
Otherwise, there can be a lot of mis-
understanding, confusion and frustra-
tion."
Dean Solden, Sari's husband of 20
years, says working together and focus-
ing on strengths, rather than weak-
nesses, is the key to making a marriage
work.
"It's important to do the household
management together to create strate-
gies that keep the system running," he
said. "The most important thing is to
encourage your wife to spend the
majority of her time doing what she

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Organizations:
• Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA)
wvv-w.add.org
• National Resource Center for AD/HD
www.help4adhd.org/
• Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
(CHADD)
1-800-233-4050, www.chadd.org
Local chapter: www.chaddmi.org

Books:
Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD by Terry Matlen
You Mean IM Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy? by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo
Finding a Career that Works for You by Wilma Fellman
Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden
Journeys through ADDulthood by Sari Solden
Understanding Women with AD/HD by Kathleen Nadeau and Patricia Quinn
ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by Judith Kohlberg and Kathleen
Nadeau

does best, even if that means hiring
someone else to clean the house. On
the plus side, women with ADD are
special, unique, fun and creative; they
definitely make life more interesting."
"My husband, Jerry, has a terrific
sense of humor," said Matlen. "If we're
eating carryout for the fifth time that
week because I couldn't find time to
make dinner, he makes a joke instead
of complaining."

Finding The Right Job

ADD affects women in the workplace
to a greater degree than men, accord-
ing to Wilma Fellman, a vocational
counselor with a special interest in
helping people with special needs find
appropriate careers.
"In the past, women in lower-level
positions were expected to do a variety
of secretarial and administrative tasks,
which can be a nightmare for women
with ADD. Men have typically had
secretaries or assistants to help them
stay organized," said Fellman of West
Bloomfield, author of Finding a Career
That Works for You.
"It's a myth that people with
ADHD can't succeed at certain things,
like law or medical school. There are
many ADD-friendly professions. The
environment is more important than
the function," Fellman said, citing a
paralegal overwhelmed by working in
a high-pressure law firm, but who per-
formed successfully after moving to a
nonprofit organization with a more
laid-back atmosphere.
"I encourage clients to get a coach,
someone to help them develop an
organizational system that works,"
Fellman said. "Some people need
everything out in the open, or they'll
forget about it. Women have to get
over the shande (shame) of needing
help. Men have always had mentors or '
coaches."
According to Fellman, flex time and
working from home can be good for
many women, but those with ADD
often find it hard to multi-task or
switch hats several times a day.
"If distractibility is a problem, then
working at home can be a problem, "
she said. "I tell clients to get help
whenever possible, with the kids or
the housework. My best advice: 'Do
what you do best, delegate what you
don't and don't feel guilty.'
"I've never met an ADD person who
didn't have wonderful gifts, a unique
way of seeing the world," Matlen said.
"The trick is to celebrate your
strengths and differences, and realize
you're not alone." ❑

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