Were Turning "3" and are so Excited...
We're Having a Birthday Party You're Invited!
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Metro Detroit's Newest Reform Congregation
FAMILY SHA1313AT CELEBRATION
Letting Go
Sending our kids to college can be a big adjustment
for parents and students.
SHELLI LIEBMAN DORFMAN
Staff Writer
LINDA BACHMAN
Atlanta Jewish Times
Ann Arbor
W
hen 17-year-old Jenny
Garfinkle of West
Bloomfield begins her fresh-
man year at the University of
Michigan next semester, her milestone
event of independence will parallel her
parents' new-found freedom after
dropping their last child off at college.
"Jenny is so ready for school; she
keeps count of the days until she
moves to Ann Arbor," said her mom,
Lisa. "She is quite excited and ready to
move on to the next phase of her life."
But for Lisa and her husband, Larry,
the change may not be so easy.
Whether it's their first child or last
leaving home, most parents find it dif-
ficult to cope with this change in their
daily routine and in their new position
in life. Things as simple as walking
past an empty bedroom; eyeing, but
not buying, a child's favorite food in
the grocery store; or even just figuring
out who will now go home every after-
noon to let out the dog can trigger
emotions.
"[One of the hardest] parts for me
about sending Jenny off to school is
that this part of my life is over," Lisa
Garfinkle says.
The Garfinkles have two other chil-
dren in college: Rachael, 21, a Western
Michigan University senior, and
Adam, 20, a U-M junior. "I have ded-
icated and devoted myself to these
wonderful people, and while I'll
always be 'Mom,' the 'Mommy' part is
over and I think I will miss that a lot."
"Each of my children — Ron, 29,
Dana, 25, and Amira, 19 — has a
unique character and when they each
left to college we had to adjust to a
house without them," said Clara Gaba
of West Bloomfield. Still, "it's difficult
to come to terms with the fact that the
baby of the family is grown up and
leaving the house."
Transition For Both
Both Garfinkle and Gaba have juggled
careers and family for many years.
Garfinkle is a pharmacist and Gaba is
a fifth-grade Judaic and Hebrew
teacher at Hillel Day School of
Metropolitan Detroit.
But for some, the start of college for
their children marks a new challenge
professionally and personally. Parents
may have to learn new ways to spend
their days or find ways to get to know
one another as a couple again.
"Don't forget to enjoy this time. It's
what we've worked so hard for as par-
ents," said Karen Levin Coburn, co-
author, with Madge Lawrence Treeger,
of Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to
Understanding the College Years
(HarperPerennial; S13).
There's something very basic about
raising a child and having that child go
forth from home," said Coburn, assis-
tant vice chancellor for students at
Washington University in St. Louis. But
even so, "it's a big transition," she said.
"I almost always will hear from
fathers that the separation was so much
harder than expected. Mothers tend to
anticipate the separation more."
Still, it's reasonable to expect "a bit
of a roller coaster," especially during
the summer months, just preceding
the start of school. "It's a way to sepa-
rate," Coburn said.
For Lisa Garfinkle, that separation
time actually began when her son Adam
left for school in 2003. "I have had two
amazing years to really get to know this
fabulous daughter of mine," she said.
"The youngest one sometimes get lost
in the shuffle, so to speak, so the fact
that I just had some really wonderful
time with her — with no distractions
— makes her leaving difficult."
Used to seeing her daughter everyday,
Lisa said: "I will miss that little dimple
in her cheek when she smiles, the
intense eye-rolls when I annoy her, and
her orange, green and purple shoes."
Parents should also expect change —
in their child's political views, looks,
majors and life plans — and they need
to stick with their kids through it all.
"Even college kids still need their
parents — and they need them to be a
steady force and anchor in their lives,"
Coburn said.
Another adjustment for parents is
that their 18-year-olds now are legally
considered adults. The federal Family
Educational Rights and Privacy Act,
Friday, August 26th
6:30 p.m. Nibble and Nosh
7:30 p.m. Shabbat Family Service
Cantor Dui:7ov and the Children's Choir
will fill your soul with song
"Birthday Oneg" following Services
with cake and ice cream
v*
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*
(ice cream donated by Carve!)
), (011CUCATIOri
OLIIM
4E375 West Maple Road • Bloomfield Township
(Corner of Maple and Inkster)
x Feel the warmth of a congregation that welcomes all
* See how our children make the difference
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* Ask the Cantor, Mommy and Me classes
RSVP if you have any questions
24E3-851-7485
No charge Your presence is our present,.
NC.J
National Council
of Jewish Women
presents
National Council of Jewish Women
Greater Detrolt Seztjoq-,
OPENING EVENT
Wednesday,
September 14, 2005
Congregation
Shaarey Zedek
JEAN CHATZKY
Southfield. Michigan
Financial Editor NBC's
"Today" Show.
"Comfort, Happiness and
Financial Security on
Your Own Terms"
Beginning at 9:30 a.m.
Presentation:
Josephine S. Weiner
Award
For Community Service
to Kathleen Straus
unch, Boutiques &
Book Signing to follow
Program 10:50 a.m.
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8/18
2005
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