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Since You Asked

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f a man voices an opinion in a forest with no one
around, is he still wrong? It's not that we men feel
henpecked, but there are many questions that are
posed to us by our spouses and whatever we answer
could be problematical, especially if it is what we really
want to say.
Perhaps the most famous of these
inquiries is, "Do you think this outfit
makes me look fat?" The desired
answer is, "No." The amount of con-
sidering time before the answer is also
of import — take too long and your
goose is cooked; answer too fast and
it seems as if you didn't even consider
what was asked. (See what I mean?)
SY
If you respond with something
MANELLO
like,
"Compared to what?" or
Editorial
"Weight
becomes you," you'd better
Assistant
be prepared to get some restless
nights on the sofa.
Some questions about a dish you are being served

TaEQs

may be easier to get out of than others. "How is the
corned beef hash?" If you like it, great; problem solved.
If you do not like it, you might try diplomatic honesty:
"It's good. But I really prefer your (fill in the blank)."
Then there is direct honesty: "I really don't care for
it; it's too (spicy or mushy or greasy)." This may or
may not have desirable results, depending on your
spouse's sensitivity to comments on her cooking.
A real test of your love can come in two ways. First,
there is, "Is that girl prettier than me?" Delaying, or
saying, 'What do you mean by pretty?" will only get
you into really hot water. A rapid denial will have the
same results, sounding as if you were thinking of that
young girl also; Tsk! Tsk!
One of the worst dilemmas can be faced when we
are asked, "What are you thinking?" The answer is
supposed to be, "Of you dear, of course." By replying
what is really on our minds — sports, food, TV — we
are in big trouble.
Another query in the same category is, "Do you love
me?" "Yes," is the correct response here. Do not embel-
lish with, "Why, of course," or "How could you think
otherwise?"

In fact, the minute you answer any of her questions
with a question, you are in trouble. You should not,
then, reply with "What do you mean by love?" That,
also, is not acceptable.
Be sure to listen to the question; it may give you a
hint as to the answer needed. For example, if she wants
to know, "I just bought this non-returnable picture.
Do you like it?" It can't go back, so what choice do you
have?
Be aware of situation questions that can't be
answered with any sort of negativity "When should we
plan the visit to my mother?" does not permit you to
say, "Must we?" or "What, again?" You are committed
to a date; set it.
This previous question reminds me of the dilemma
posed by the question, "Have you stopped beating
your wife?" If you say yes, you have been doing it; if
you say no, you are still beating her. No matter what
you say, you are guilty.
Sometimes there is just no right answer; at such
times, silence may be golden. ❑

Stamp Of Approval

All-Star Gesture

The U.S. Postal Service issued commemorative stamps last month hon-
oring brilliant 20th-century Jewish physicist Richard Feynman and stel-
lar Jewish lyricist E.Y. "Yip" Harburg.
Feynman, a free-spirited scientist, musician, linguist and bon vivant,
shared the 1965 Nobel Prize in Physics for his contributions to quan-
tum electrodynamics. A native of Far Rockaway, N.Y., Feynman helped
develop the atomic bomb during World War II while still in his 20s.
For nearly 30 years, he was a professor at the California Institute of
Technology where he was equally famed for his path-breaking research
and his spellbinding classroom lectures.
Barry Barish, a colleague and co-worker, said, 'After Einstein, Dick
Feynman was perhaps the smartest man of the 20th century."
Feynman, a larger-than-life figure, died in 1988 at 69. He was the
subject of the movie Infinity and the play QED.
The four-stamp set in the postal American Scientist series also
includes mathematician John von Neumann, who was born Jewish but
converted to Catholicism, geneticist Barbara McClintock and thermody-
namicist Josiah Willard Gibbs.
Harburg is being honored in a separate series of stamps for "writing
the lyrics to more than 600 songs distinguished by their intelligence,
humanity and inventiveness," according to the citation.
Born on New York City's Lower East Side to Russian Jewish immi-
grant parents, Harburg is best known for his lyrics to Cabin in the Sky,
Bloomer Girl, The Wizard of Oz and Finian's Rainbow. Among his most
memorable songs are "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," "April in Paris,"
"Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" and "It's Only a Paper Moon."
Each of the 37-cent stamps features a portrait of the honoree and
drawings illustrating his or her major contributions.

Detroit Tigers' CEO Dave Dombrowski hit a home run
with a Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit crowd
last week.
Speaking to the quarterly Federation Forum at the
Townsend Hotel in Birmingham, Dombrowski raffled off
two tickets for Major League Baseball's All-Star Game at
Detroit's Comerica Park next month and its related activi-
ties. Funds received above the cost of the tickets went to
Federation. The winning $2,300 bid by Merton Segal of
Dombrowski
Bloomfield Hills brought $1,500 to Federation.
Max Lapides of West Bloomfield, president of the Eddie
Lake Society of veteran Tiger fans and media people, was impressed that
Dombrowski is reaching out to the community. "Having him come to the
Federation Forum was a great public relations gesture," Lapides said.
Chair Lois Shaevsky Bloomfield Hills has scheduled Dombrowski's counter-
part at the Detroit Pistons, Tom Wilson, as speaker for the Sept. 29 Federation
Forum.

— Tom Tugend, JTA

— Irwin Cohen, special writer

Yiddish Limericks

In order to ease people's stress,
And help them relieve their distress,
A kosher cafe
Just opened today.
They're naming the place "Kvetch* and Fress! **”

— Martha Jo Fleischmann

* complain
eat

MERV 'cha Don't Know

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The Yip Harburg stamp

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The Richard Feynman stamp

Seventh. Heaven is a popular 1V show and also has a theological meaning.
For some Jews it is food. Explain.

— Goldfein
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6/23
2005

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