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43

COME' ITTIC,

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AU D ETTE

www.audettecadillac.com

More Summer Reruns

HARRY
KI RS BAUM
Columnist

ow that the
May sweeps
and season-
ending cliffhangers
are over, television
networks will be air-
ing their summer
fare: a mix of reruns
and B-ranked shows
that didn't quite
make the cut last
fall.
According to the

Detroit Free Press

summer movie
guide, 70 films
should greet you
between May
and September,
giving couch
potatoes in
search of a some-
thing new to
view a chance to
waddle to a
movie theater for
entertainment as
well as exercise.
("Hey, Kyle, I
think I broke a
sweat in the pop-
corn line.")
Out of all
these movies, the
blockbuster of .
the summer has-
n't been decided
yet, but chances are good that it will
be something very familiar.
Six of the movies are sequels: Star

Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith,
Batman Begins, Herbie: Fully Loaded,
Land of the Dead, Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory, The Devil's Rejects,
and Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo.
Deuce Bigelow? The original wasn't
bad enough that you had to do it
again?
-
And a quick note to George Lucas:
If you want to prevent movie review
headlines like The Calgary Sun's "The
Sith Hits the Fans," you might think
of renaming your movie to a more
innocuous name like: "Star Wars:
Episode III -- Revenge of the
Dwayne."
Three movies this summer are
remakes of television shows:
Bewitched, The Dukes of Hazzard and
The Honeymooners.
I can understand the first two

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Harry Kirsbaum's e-mail address is
hkirsbaum@thejewishnews.corn.

shows becoming movies. Bewitched
has possibilities, and the real star of
Dukes was the car. But Cedric the
Entertainer replacing Jackie Gleason
as Ralph Kramden will be
Hollywood's biggest mistake of the
summer.
And finally, four movies this sum-
mer are remakes of old movies them-
selves: The Longest Yard, War of the
Worlds, Bad News Bears and The Pink

Panther.
The original movies were classics.
To remake them is a lazy way to make
money. Inspector Clouseau is not a
franchise like James Bond. You can't
put anyone with
a fake French
accent in front of
the camera and
expect to draw
the same laughs
as Peter Sellers
did. He owned
that character.
Just ask the guy
from Life is
Beautiful.
Out of the
70 summer
movies, 29 are
documentaries,
small independ-
ents, animated or
foreign films.
That leaves 41
mainstream
movies with Hollywood stars, and a
third of them have "been there or
done that."
What gives? Did Hollywood pro-
ducers coax all the screenwriters into
Area 51 and send them into alien-
abduction land?
Or is the political and economic
landscape so scary that Hollywood
wants to give us the safe themes and
characters from 30 or 50 years ago?
And if the only thing Hollywood
looks at is the first weekend box
office, then it doesn't really matter
what comes out every weekend as
long as something comes out every
weekend.
It has been about a week since the
Star Wars sequel opened to start the
summer movie season. The hype is
gone. My guess is that we won't see
people holding light sabers in the
popcorn line.
Oh, well, Dwayne happens. 0