4,
4
A Brave New World
tall structure where girls with long
hair named Rapunzel hang out or
hide from guys like TV Insider Pat
O'Brien.
According to my IT person, I did-
n't need any other "peripherals," or
what most normal people would call
,,
“
crap.
That's the other thing about the
HARRY
computer world. An adult's vocabu-
KI RS BAUM
lary deteriorates into words like
"thingy." It's the 8-year-olds who toss
Columnist
around terms like USB ports, main-
frames and 100-gigabyte serial hard
too old."
drives.
He gave me other reasons, but I
And why do they talk about Intel
couldn't understand the lingo.
Pentium
4 Processors with HT
In the computer world, you see,
Technology?
So they can illegally
computers' planned obsolescence is
Shrek, but please Lord,
download
measured in triple-dog
forgive
me for another
years and comput-
digression.
er knowledge is
By 9 p.m., I was
in inverse
installing
programs and
proportion to
files
from
my old com-
age. So I was
puter
into
my new
actually asking
tower.
If
you
only learn
someone who
one
lesson
from
this
may be too
column, it is this:
old to give
Never buy a
good advice
new com-
about some-
puter in
thing that will
the
be out of date
morn-
by the time I get it
ing. Or
home. But I
maybe it
digress.
was
always.
At the thought of
Always
buy
a
computer
in
the morn-
buying a computer, I'd rather stare
ing.
down a drunk holding a .40 caliber
If you start in the evening, you'll
Glock in one hand and a bottle of
run
out of time, you'll get tired,
Chivas Regal in the other.
you'll
lose concentration, get frustrat-
So, fearing the thought of getting
ed
and
look up at the clock and won-
ripped off, I asked the Jewish News IT
der
how
it could be 3 a.m. and you're
person (she's in her mid-20s) for
still
wondering
why you found an
more advice and she gave me a list of
extra
USB
cable
thingy with nowhere
specifications to look for.
to
plug
it
in.
After a few hours of comparison-
It's been two days and I've learned
shopping on the Internet this week-
how
to play a DVD, I've got it
end, I had narrowed it down to two
hooked
up to the Internet, and I can
computers.
play
Solitaire.
I wrote the information on a Post-
I can use e-mail to contact tech
it note and got in the car.
support,
and with all the contact I've
Armed with that dangerous knowl-
had
so
far,
I'm sure I've been selected
edge, I took a trip to the local super-
as
the
"Loser
of the Weekend." My e-
store in search of that box that most
mails
have
been
placed on every bul-
techies refer to as the "tower."
letin board in Bombay, India.
A tower — to most of us — is a
But that's fine with me. Whatever I
can do on my computer, I can do a
lot faster than I could before, except
Harry Kirsbaum's e-mail address is
hkirsbaum@theiewishnews.corn.
type. ❑
fter seven
years, it
was finally
time to say goodbye
to my old home
computer and buy a
new one.
The reality set in
when I asked my
14-year-old nephew
why my computer
was so slow. He
said, "Because it's
Available at
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Guest speakers and celebrity appearances
Lunch provided by Matt Prentice and Subway
Camp Highlights!
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WR, Toledo, Detroit Lions, AFL,
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