Metro
FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE
Cover Story
from page 17
weather, would make more sense.
Dina Shifman of Farmington Hills
remembers a meeting held at the West
Bloomfield home of Shari and Alon
Kaufman, attended by a group of par-
ents, most of whom had children with
special needs.
"They asked us to make a wish list,
to forget about money for the moment
and just dream," said Shifman, a hair
stylist who will be volunteering her-
services in the LifeTown beauty salon.
"We never imagined it would really
happen, and now it's here."
Shari and Alon Kaufman and Ron
and Ronda Ferber, for whom the
LifeTown building is named, are
thrilled to see the dream become a
reality. Just like the tree growing from
the center of the building, the facility
represents life and hope.
"This project spoke not only to our
hearts and our minds, it spoke to our
souls," said Shari Kaufman. "There are
so many things that parents of chil-
dren with special needs cannot take
for granted, simple things like taking
their child shopping or for a haircut.
"LifeTown gives these children a
chance to learn life-altering lessons
A Place For Recovery
Daniel B. Sobel Friendship House provides a setting to end addiction.
RONELLE GRIER
Special to the Jewish News
T
hose who believe addiction is
not a "Jewish problem" need
only look around the room at
the weekly Thursday night recovery
meeting led by Rabbi Yisrael Pinson,
director of the Daniel B. Sobel
Friendship House. The faces are var-
ied and often painfully familiar; they
are mothers and fathers, children and
grandchildren, doctors and lawyers,
teachers, neighbors and friends.
"Our goal is to create a community
for Jewish people suffering from addic-
tion or who simply feel isolated, a place
where they can seek counseling from a
rabbi if they need it, or just spend time
with other people who have similar
concerns," said Rabbi Pinson.
Friendship House provides support
for individuals and their family mem-
bers struggling with a variety of
issues, such as alcoholism, drug addic-
tion, gambling, sex and love addiction
and co-dependency.
According to Rabbi Pinson, the
program is not intended to replace a
treatment center or 12-step programs
such as Alcoholics Anonymous,
Narcotics Anonymous or Al-Anon.
He will make referrals and help the
recovering person connect with other
community resources.
"We want to provide a comfortable
setting for anyone who wants to be
involved in the recovery network," he
said. "Our regular Thursday night
meetings are the perfect place for a
newcomer to meet other Jewish peo-
ple who can then introduce them to
other programs.
"We believe Judaism offers some-
thing of value for those in recovery,"
said Rabbi Pinson. "Treatment cen-
ters and 12-step programs don't pro-
vide the Jewish spiritual component.
That's where we come in."
Just like cancer or any other medical
disease, addiction cuts across all eco-
nomic, cultural and educational levels.
"The disease of addiction affects
Jews as much as anyone else," said Dr.
Talia Ziv, a psychologist in private
practice in West Bloomfield, "but
there is a stigma of shame attached,
which makes it harder to ask for help.
That's why Friendship House is so
important; there's a connection that
helps people feel safe."
Stephen M., v,Those heroin addiction
rendered him sick and impoverished
before he got the help he needed to
recover, said, "I feel a special bond
with other recovering Jews. There are
spiritually-based programs for gentiles;
Friendship House addresses this need
in the Jewish community.
Contrary to stereotype, many Jewish
men and women have served time in
jail for offenses such as driving while
intoxicated, selling and possession of
illegal drugs, forging prescriptions, and
stealing to support costly drug habits.
'As addicts, we cross more and
more lines in order to maintain the
lifestyle," said Larry B., a participant
in the Friendship House program. He
has been drug and alcohol free for
four years.
"By the time I stopped using
drugs," he said, "I had compromised
so much of my morality that I didn't
recognize myself anymore."
Brian L. lost virtually everything to
cocaine and alcohol — his marriage,
his business, his relationship with his
children and, finally, his freedom when
he went to jail after causing a car acci-
dent while he was
intoxicated.
"I never imag-
ined my life would
come to that," he
said. "At the end,
it was just me and
a bottle. I felt so
much guilt and
shame especially
because I was
Rabbi Shemtov
Jewish. I started
reading the Torah
in jail, and when I
got out, I met
with Levi
[Shemtov] and
Yisrael [Pinson]
and they helped
me bring Judaism
into my recovery.
I met other Jewish
Bassie Shen2tov
people, and that
veil of guilt and
shame began to
lift. The program
has brought me
closer to God. It
helps me work the
12 steps, and it
has given me
strength and
Rabbi Pinson
faith."
Unfortunately, because addiction is
a chronic disease with no cure, relapse
is a common occurrence, even after
several years of recovery.
"When Rabbi Pinson took this
position two years ago, I told him his
greatest high would be when some-
body tells him that he saved their life,
and his worst low would be attending
the funeral of someone who didn't
make it," said Rabbi Levi Shemtov,
who originated the program. "He has
experienced both."
Sam and Carol Sobel, former
Detroiters who now live in Boca
Raton, Fla., donated the original
funds for the Friendship House as a
tribute to their son, Daniel, who died
in 1993, at age 28, after years of suf-
fering from severe mental and emo-
tional disorders.
The 2,500-square-foot home will
be used for weekly recovery meetings,
classes in Jewish spirituality, social
gatherings and other recovery-related
programs.
."We wanted to help provide a safe
place where other people struggling
like Danny can find friendship and
support," Sam Sobel said.
Especially For Women
'Addiction is not about will power or
character flaws, although that's how
it's often perceived," said Dr. Ziv. "It's
a disease that affects not only the per-
son who is suffering but everyone in
his or her life, such as family mem-
bers, friends and co-workers. It affects
everyone involved on all levels: psy-
chological, physical, emotional and
spiritual. That's why it's important for
family members to get support for
themselves."
For Jewish women, there is a differ-
ent kind of shame, both for the addict
and the wife or mother of someone
with a drug or alcohol problem.