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hank God,
2004 is in
the rear-
view mirror. Here's
hoping 2005 is
better for all of us.
And here are some
predictions that it
A
probably won't be:
HARRY
The hope for a
KIRSBAUM
"G-rated"
Super
Columnist
Bowl halftime show
backfires when a
shouting match escalates into a brawl
between the Mormon Tabernacle
Choir and the Up With People group
in the Jacksonville, Fla., stadium.
As a result, the
FCC fines
Howard Stern
$250,000.
The Simple
Life: Interns sea-
son opener
begins as stars
Paris Hilton and
Nicole Richie
show up late for
work at a tsuna-
mi refugee care
center in Sri
Hilton
Lanka. Paris
makes fun of a
hospital nurse whose scrubs
don't match.
Bill O'Reilly pens sponsorship con-
tracts with Verizon and Absorene, a
loofah manufacturing company.
In the wake of the steroid scandal,
Major League Baseball officials
announce new rules requiring daily
drug testing for all players starting on
Opening Day.
Filmmaker Mel Gibson begins
work on his new
movie, The
Passion
of Clyde.
Doomed by
early retirement,
most MLB
teams allow
"clean" retired
stars back into
the lineup.
The Fox TV
special Talk
Show Payback airs O'Reilly
Harry Kirsbaum's e-mail address is
hkirsbaum@thej ewishnews. corn
1/ 7
2004
60
to record ratings and praise as Jerry
Springer, Jenny Jones and Maury
Povich are chased, then slaughtered
by former guests.
Free for three
months, a now
streetwise
Martha Stewart
sits courtside
"with some
homeys" during
an NBA playoff
game between
the Indiana
Pacers and the
New York
Knicks.
bin Laden
After a heck-
ling incident
turns bloody, Martha Stewart injures
Indiana Pacer Ron Artest. Stewart is
banned from Madison Square
Garden, and the NBA fines Howard
Stern $250,000.
Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh
enlist in the U.S. Army, but fail the
psychological exam.
Chicago Cubs star Ernie Banks, 74,
takes the early National League lead
in hitting with a .189 average.
Trans American Van Lines,
PickALawyer.com and Smith &
Wesson agree to sponsor Star Jones'
divorce.
Osama bin
Laden is found
in a cave and
killed before live
TV cameras.
The 2005 All
Star Game
Home Run
Derby is can-
celed when the
players complain
that, "the fences
are too far back."
Williams
The Boston
Red Sox coax the
frozen head of Ted Williams from
retirement for the World Series.
The Splendid Splinter walks in his
only at bat.
Fox News offers free caller ID to
O'Reilly Factor interns.
The Detroit Lions win the Super
Bowl, our soldiers come home and
peace reigns throughout the world.
In hell, Osama bin Laden asks for
a sweater. ❑