OTHER VIEWS

Will Santa Bring Me Presents?

Ann Arbor
HIE, yes. The December
Dilemma. My wife, Bonnie,
and I started talking about how
to handle it while we were still engaged.
We suddenly had realized that, yes, one
day we would have children.
What to do? We had no clue. We just
knew that it was better to go into fami-
ly life with a game plan. We felt that if
we waited to figure it out after our chil-
dren were born, we would be suscepti-
ble to disaster.
Having already decided to raise the
kids Jewish, like their mother, we knew
they would celebrate Chanukah, and I
would help them celebrate their holiday.
That was the easy part. But I am
Protestant and still celebrate Christmas. I
also wanted our children to learn about
my holidays. In addition, Christmas
would likely be spent with my parents
and my siblings. My brother and sister
are both married and would soon have
kids as well. We are a close family and all
live in the same town. We always get
together for the holidays.
How would my children react if they
had to sit still and watch their cousins
open a bunch of presents from Santa?
And it's not just the presents. There are

A

Jim Keen is a freelance writer based in
Ann Arbor. He has 18 years of experi-
ence in an interfaith relationship. This
article is abridged from InterFaith.com:
Encouraging Jewish Choices.

a lot of feelings that run wild and free
during the Christmas season. The spirit
of the holidays is everywhere. There are
trees to be decorated, cookies to bake
and lights to be strung. Santa's jolly
pink face is everywhere — even on your
can of Coke. These are all fun things
that I grew up with and was not about
to give up (not that American market-
ing would let me).
So we decided that Bonnie and the
kids would also help me celebrate my
holidays. We were not going to raise our
kids in both religions. Sure, they were
to learn about what Christmas means to
me. But as Jews, they would only be
assisting Daddy with his celebration.
Bonnie and I knew that whatever
plan we came up with would have to
be flexible. The important thing was to
make sure we were consistent. The main
goal was to see that the kids knew they
were Jewish and celebrated Chanukah.
Four-and-a-half years ago, our first
daughter, Gabby, was born. Last year,
Molly came into our world. By the
time Molly was born, Gabby started
asking lots of questions. Who in our
family is Jewish? Which grandparents
are Christian? Does Daddy celebrate
Chanukah? Do I get Chanukah and
Christmas presents? Will Santa bring
me presents, even if I'm Jewish?"
We didn't want our kids to focus on
the differences in our family. Instead,
Bonnie and I have tried to nurture a
sense of identity for our children that

save one or two smaller
they could be proud of, while
Chanukah presents for
realizing that their religion and
Christmas morning. This
culture are just part of who
seems to work well for us. The
they are. They are a lot of
girls are consistently reinforced
things. They are girls, they have
that they are Jewish, and they
brown eyes, Gabby likes to
dance, Molly likes to laugh at
don t miss out on activities
during my holiday. (My par-
the dog, and, yes, they are
JIM KEEN
ents, who love to give presents,
Jewish. Daddy is tall, he has
Community
don't get denied on Christmas
green eyes and he is Christian.
Perspective
morning either.)
Mommy is pretty, she likes
Bonnie, in particular, often
chocolate and she is Jewish.
felt that it just wasn't right to
The next obstacle we had to
celebrate Christmas at all with the kids.
overcome was keeping a consistent
However, I wanted to share with the
approach to the holidays. My
girls some of the joy and special feelings
Protestant parents kept asking us what
that I had from my childhood. We both
kind of gift, if any, to give the girls on
felt emotions that the other one couldn't
Christmas morning — Christmas or
possibly know. Neither of us, though,
Chanukah presents? We had to admit,
wanted to confuse our children.
we were slightly unprepared for the
Fortunately, Bonnie's stepmom offered
question. The gifts had never had an
us a refreshing bit of wisdom. She said,
identifying label attached to them. But
"One day out of the year isn't going to
then again, the girls had never asked —
make or break their Jewish identity. It's
until now. This is why we made our
how you raise your kids as Jews the
plan flexible.
other 364 days that count."
We finally decided how we'd explain
In the end, we knew we were an
things to our kids. Chanukah was sim-
interfaith family and would have to
ple; the kids get Chanukah presents.
approach this from a different angle
Christmas, which we celebrate at my
than same-faith marriages. We are both
parents' house, was a little more com-
comfortable with what we've decided. It
plicated. We decided to tell Gabby,
may not work for everyone, but it fits
"Santa brings you Chanukah presents
our family nicely. In the years to come,
on Christmas, because he knows you're
I'm sure we'll have to face more surpris-
Jewish."
es and twists. However, we have a
My parents and in-laws give the
sound foundation on which to build.
major gifts to our daughters on
We'll be ready.
Chanukah. Meanwhile, my parents

'

Chanukah And Giving

New York City
hen the tractate of Shabbat
speaks about Chanukah can-
dles, it juxtaposes them to
Shabbat candles. Although the Talmud
points out many differences between
the two kinds of candlelighting, I
would like to highlight one difference:
When we light the Shabbat candles,
each one is lit individually; however,
when we light the Chanukah candles,
we light them with another candle —
the shamash (helper candle).
The purpose of the shamash is to be
the giver — the one that serves light
to the other candles. There are many

W

Rabbi Shea Hecht is chairman of the
board of the National Committee for the
Furtherance ofJewish Education. He is
a lecturer at the Ivy League Torah Study
Program and a co-founder of the Ari
Program, a school for at-risk kids. His
e-mail address is rabbishea@juno.com

12/10
2004

34

lessons to be learned from the shamash
and its capacity to give.
There are three types of giving in
the physical world. One kind of giving
is that I give to someone else and,
therefore, I have less. If I have a loaf of
bread and I give half to someone who
is hungry, then I have less.
The second type of giving is that I
give some of my own to someone else,
and I am left with the same amount. If
I give others a light from my fire so
that they can light their own fire, I still
have the same fire.
The third type of giving is that I
give to someone else, and I have more.
Giving over knowledge characterizes
this type of giving. The Talmud states,
" Harbei lamaditi mirabosai, voyoiser
michaverai, umitalmidai yosser miku-
lam — I have learned much from my
teachers, even more so from my col-
leagues, but the I have learned the
most from my students."

ty) on Chanukah, especially to
One can learn more from
Torah scholars.
their students than from their
We could take this precept
friends and teachers. In a healthy
yet one step further if we look
teaching environment, children
at one more teaching of the
can challenge and question their
Talmud: " Yoiser mimah shebal
teachers. This brings both the
habayis oseh im
student and the teacher to a
oseh im bal habayis — The
greater understanding.
poor
man does more for the
One of the things we learn
RABBI SHEA
rich
man
by taking what the
from Chanukah candles is to
HECHT
rich
man
gives,
than the rich
be a giver, just like the shamash
Special
man
does
for
the
poor man by
gives light to the other candles.
Commentary
giving him charity."
We could accomplish this with
The important thing for us
any kind of giving in all areas.
to understand is that in every one of
It could be giving and having less, giv-
these levels, the needy person who
ing and having the same, or giving and
takes is as much the giver as the one
having more.
who has what to give.
Throughout Chanukah, we have
The lesson of Chanukah is one of
many opportunities to be a giver. We
giving to others. We must remember
give Chanukah gelt (gift of a small
that when we give, we make the
amount of money); today, many peo-
world a lighter and brighter place;
ple give Chanukah gifts. The Kitzur
and the whole world gains from
Shukhan Aruch says we should
our giving.
increase our giving of tzedakah (chari-