Jewish Book Fair

Coming Out

In "Wrestling With God & Men," Orthodox rabbi confronts his own homosexuality.

SANDEE BRAWARSKY
Special to the Jewish News

L

*TN

10/29
2004

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ike peeling an onion," Rabbi
Steven Greenberg says about
the process of coming out. The
first openly gay Orthodox rabbi, he
initially wrote about his sexuality
under a pseudonym, Rabbi Yaakov
Levado (meaning Jacob alone), for
Tikkun magazine in 1993 and then in
1999 came out publicly in an inter-
view in the Israeli newspaper Mdariv.
Rabbi Greenberg, who appears
prominently in the award-winning film
Trembling Before G-d, now tells the
story of his own journey and also offers
new readings of traditional Jewish texts
related to homosexuality and argues for
gay and lesbian inclusion in the
Orthodox community in his first book.
Wrestling With God 6- Men:
Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition
(University of Wisconsin; $35), he says,
is the peeling back of another layer.
"We all have internal pieces that are
not so clear to us; in our recognition
and articulation of them, we come
out," Rabbi Greenberg, a senior teach-
ing fellow at CLAL (the National
Jewish Center for Learning and
Leadership) who has been there for
almost 20 years, says in an interview in
his Upper West Side Manhattan apart-
ment. "It's a metaphor of growth and
self-actualization."
As wrestling is a more assured verb
than trembling, the rabbi's own stance
in the book is confident, presenting a
Judaism that is both loving and accept-
ing, where the act of engaging tough
questions is essential.
The author, 47, grew up in a
Conservative family in Columbus,
Ohio. As a teenager, he was drawn to
the teachings of an Orthodox rabbi;
they studied together and Greenberg,
who was warmly welcomed into the
rabbi's home and community, took on
traditional observance.
While he remembers the origins of
his religious identity in detail, the ori-
gins of his gayness are not as clear,
although he had a sense of being differ-
ent from the age of 10. After high
school, he attended Yeshiva University
and then Yeshivat Har Etzion in Israel,
enjoying "the male camaraderie and
physical affection, the spiritual passion

is useful for the reader, for Rabbi's
and intellectual head butting."
Greenberg's experience informs his
Aware of his attraction to a fellow
original readings of sacred texts. He is
student, he visited a Jerusalem sage,
also inspired by generations of rabbis
Rabbi Yosef Shalom Eliashuv, and
spoke candidly of what he then thought who preceded him, who also offered
their own interpretations.
was the truth, that he was attracted to
"I wanted to demonstrate the breadth
men and women. The sage responded,
of the tradition, the audaciousness of
"My dear one, you have twice the
the rabbis. Many are not aware of how
power of love. Use it carefully."
shockingly
bold rabbinic thought can
The rabbi's words calmed him and
buoyed him above his fears: He felt that be," he says.
A project of almost a decade, the
he could still marry and have a family.
book is well written. Rabbi Greenberg's
In his years in rabbinical school back
readings don't lend themselves to quick
in New York — he received his ordina-
summaries. He looks deeply into the
tion in 1983 — he dated women regu-
larly, even "fell in love," but had no sex- meaning of words and looks with com-
passion at their impact.
ual interest in them.
"I begin with assumptions not about
Once, over dinner, a new male friend
God's control but about God's love," he
asked him if he ever felt desire for a
explains, moving from the opening sto-
man, and their conversation jolted him.
ries of Genesis with their depiction of
Later that evening, he replaced his kip-
human loneliness to the two verses in
pah with a baseball cap and wandered
Leviticus that condemn sex between
toward Christopher Street in
men as an abominable act, punishable
Greenwich Village for the first time.
by death, to references in the Talmud to
Soon after, he began his first gay rela-
sex between women. He also writes of
tionship with the same new friend.
stories of same-sex love in the Bible,
Not giving up on the idea of mar-
like Jonathan's love of David.
riage and family, he became engaged,
Rabbi Greenberg also explores four
but realized he couldn't marry the
rationales for the prohibitions in
woman. He began to fully acknowledge
Leviticus, relating to reproduction,
to himself that he was gay, although he
social disruption, category confusion
treasured his life of observance and his
and humiliation and violence. It's the
work as a teacher of Torah and couldn't
latter, he explains, that is his own most
imagine giving that up.
audacious reading in the book.
Then he began writing about his
He suggests that sex between men
dilemma, published the pseudonymous
was prohibited because it was seen as an
article and received much supportive
act of degradation and aggression, in
mail, which expanded his world.
the way that women might have been
He moved back to Israel in 1996,
abused.
began a gay men's study group and
He asserts that the verses can be
helped raise money for a gay communi-
interpreted as a critique of the male-
ty center. He tied his official "outing"
dominated social hierarchy, that it's
to the opening of the center, and the
possible to read the verses as prohibit-
article about him in Ma'ariv was head-
ing the kind of sex that is demeaning,
lined "In the Name of Partnership."
that such emotional violence is abom-
Other gay Orthodox Jews have been
inable even between men and women.
counseled by rabbis to try to change
He says that such a reading can be heal-
through reparative therapy —
ing for women as well as for gay men,
Greenberg believes there is no demon-
promoting a sexuality that is not about
strably effective therapy, and that some
control.
of what is proposed can harm the
In traditional congregations, the vers-
patient — or to marry and ignore what
es in Leviticus are chanted on Yom
they know about themselves, or to
Kippur. Rabbi Greenberg writes of how
remain celibate.
Many are shamed; many end up leav- he would cringe in shame or feel deep
sadness, but that has changed.
ing the community, but for Rabbi
In 1996, he arranged to be called up
Greenberg, that was not an option he
for an aliyah during the reading and to
considered.
his surprise, felt empowered, grasping
Understanding the author's trajectory

that the text has "in a sense, never been
understood until those whose bodies
and souls have been tormented by it,
who have suffered for years under its
weight, are among its legitimate inter-
preters." Until then, "how could it pos-
sibly give over its full meaning?"
In conversation, he comments, "The
text doesn't silence me. It calls me to
speak my testimony."
He realizes that some readers will
trash his ideas, but he hopes they will
still hear his "as a religious voice that
they can't help responding to." And he
hopes they'll understand that he is not
attempting to corrupt or manipulate
the system, but to "truly respond to the
human condition as I see it."
Rabbi Greenberg's speaking style is
warm and rabbinic, frequently quoting
verses of text, then translating, always
teaching. His face is expressive, showing
signs of pain, empathy, freedom and
joy, and he gestures with his arms,
punctuating his words.
The light-filled brownstone apart-
ment he shares with his partner of four
years, actor and musician Steven
Goldstein, is filled, no surprise, with
books as well as Judaica items, musical
instruments, items from their travels.
The apartment opens onto a rare
Manhattan commodity, a back yard,
where they build their sukkah.
He is comfortable with the role
increasingly expected of him, as a
spokesperson for gay issues in the
Jewish community. About gay mar-
riage, he's careful to separate civil and
religious marriage, and as to the former,
he's in favor and sees it as a civil rights
issue — where all citizens in committed
long-term relationships should be end-
tied to the same benefits. The subject of
same-sex religious marriage is some-
thing he's thinking about and studying.
In the book's final section, he con-
structs the parameters of a respectful
conversation between a gay Jew and an
Orthodox rabbi, suggesting ways they
might hear each other and continue
their conversation although the gap
between them might be huge.
He presents a working solution to the
halachic and communal dilemmas, in
which gay and lesbian Jews might be
welcomed into synagogues: That rabbis
agree not to humiliate or intimidate
them from the pulpit, that gay and les-