The Right Words

A guide to providing comfort to those grieving life's losses.

After going on to discuss comfort-
ing communications and productive
listening, she gets more specific
about tragic events and their effects.
obbie Miller Kaplan
"I was raised in a Conservative
remembers happy times
home and believe that I live my life
traveling around Michigan's
Grand Traverse area and enjoying its doing mitzvot. I have raised my
children that way," says Kaplan,
natural beauty, but those experi-
whose introduction explains how
ences are very different from the
she lost two
ones leading to
infants just after
her latest book,
birth
and went
How to Say It
How
on
to
happily
When You Don't
say'r
adopt two
Know What to
TO SAY IT
daughters.
Say (Prentice
"I believe
Hall Trade
When
•••bil
[Don't
<now
mitzvot
are real-
Paperback;
ly
at
the
crux of
$15.95).
What to Say
this subject —
Kaplan, raised
giving of oneself
in New York and
and expecting
now living in
nothing in
Virginia, called
return. In this
upon interac-
sense, what I
tions with others
g
have written has
r
during sad times
a Jewish sensi-
to explore com-
bility. Giving of
munications
;‘,C• •:.%•
ourselves
is the
with people who
greatest
gift
we
have suffered
can give."
loss due to
Kaplan's text
death, divorce,
offers readers exact ways to help and
employment termination and other
often presents them in list formats.
forms of personal upheaval.
Chapters explore actions, from
"A family member was diagnosed
making regular calls to running
with cancer in 2002, and we were
surprised at some of the inappropri- errands; provide sample notes and
comforting words and phrases; and
ate things people said and did,"
suggest additional coping resources.
Kaplan, 55, explains about the
The author is just as direct about
motivation for her book. We real-
what not to say and do.
ized that people didn't mean to be
The author's Web site,
insensitive, but they just didn't
-vvww.wordsthatcomfort.com , pro-
know how to act. So I decided it
vides information relevant to this
was time to write about that.
project.
"I took my background, which
"When I wrote the book, I did a
essentially was writing about job
search communications, and applied lot of research," says Kaplan, who
also outlines various ethnic tradi-
that to this other area that I also
tions, including Jewish, at funerals.
had experienced. Loss is very isolat-
"I tried to find experts to discuss
ing, and when others stay away
every kind of loss and also asked
from someone who has been
individuals who faced loss about the
through it, that increases the isola-
types of things they wished people
tion even further. I wanted to
had
done.
explain concrete ways to support
"One of the things that is incredi-
individuals who had suffered in the
bly crucial is to continue supporting
ways I describe."
someone for the long term. A huge
Kaplan, who has written nine
part of being supportive is being
books and has served as a consult-
willing to listen and allow the indi-
ant for the UNISYS Corp., begins
vidual to articulate feelings in a
her text by probing the process of
confidential way."
grieving and general ways to help.

MANILOW

SUZANNE CHESSLER
Special to the Jewish News

R

SATURDAY OCTOBER 23

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AND WIN A GIFT FROM TAPPER'S

We've all experienced those moments when a seem-
ingly random event also seemed strangely meaning-
ful, even miraculous. Small miracles happen every
day; it is up to us to open ourselves to receiving them
and understanding their meaning.

As we approach Chanukah, we commemorate the
miracle of the light that endured for eight days, and
we are asking you to share your personal miracle, or
epiphany or extraordinary coincidence, whatever
you choose to call one of life's inexplicable events. In
250 words or less, tell your story. Some of the sto-
ries will be published in the November issue of
Platinum. 'rapper's Fine Jewelry in West Bloomfield
will donate two $500 gift certificates to the winning
male and female essay.

You must be 18 or over to enter. Please send your
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Carla Schwartz, Platinum Miracle Contest
29200 Northwestern Hwy. Suite 110
Southfield, MI 48034

Or via e-mail with the subject line "Miracle"
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