OTHER VIEWS

Why Should You Call
Michigan Heritage Bank?

The Face Of Gay Americans

I

changed. They told me they
am a gay American, too,
their view changed about Jews
just like New Jersey Gov.
or they learned things they
James E. McGreevey.
did not know. I put a human
And for two days, I felt
face on someone Jewish.
like one as my partner and I
legally married in
Massachusetts on Aug. 19.
Insulting Words
We were legal kin and were
Today, kids say, "that is so
finally admitted into the
JOE KORT
gay," not even realizing that it
adult fraternity of legal mar-
Community
is an insult to their gay
riage. For two days, I did not
Perspective
friends
or gay teachers. If they
have to worry that while on
do realize the insult, they
vacation, if something hap-
rarely care anyway.
pened to me or my partner such as a
Before I came out as a gay
medical emergency or injury, I would
American, people became acquainted
be shut out of the emergency room.
with me. Once I told them I was gay,
You see, not being legal kin, I have
they told me if they knew that, they
no rights in the hospital with my
would never have gotten to know me,
partner, the man I want to take care
as their judgments about gays were
of in times of sickness.
negative. They told me that they
If I don't do it, who will? His par-
never knew someone who was gay;
ents have died, his sister lives out of
and
that they have learned a lot, and
state and the rest of his family have
their
negative judgments about gays
their own families to care for.
and lesbians either reduced or evapo-
I want to do this. However, with-
rated.
out legal rights that marriage pro-
What about the children? I don't
vides, I am unable to do that. Now
think folks are thinking about the
that we have returned to Michigan,
children involved in gay relation-
we are legal strangers once again.
Ironically, only four hours after our ships. Like it or not, they exist. I
have friends where if the birth parent
legal nuptials in Massachusetts, we
dies, the other "parent" is not legal
learned that California had nullified
kin; and the child can be taken away
the 4,000 marriages they licensed
and placed into foster care. Even if
over the summer. What a letdown!
expensive legal documents are drawn
And we knew that the minute we
and in place, the child is still at risk
returned to Michigan, our license
of losing the other parent, the only
would be nullified as well, but we
other parent they know.
didn't care. We wanted to go through
In his book Gay Marriage, John
the process anyway. We wanted a
Rauch points out that marriage puts
chance to be grownups just like our
laws in place that allow spouses to
heterosexual friends and get a legal
make life-or-death decisions on each
license with our heads held high and
other's behalf in case of incapacity. So
look into the eyes of those issuing
without legal rights toward our part-
them and having the chance of being
ners and our children, taxpayer
told we belong!
money will go to the care of these
people. Even though we want to be
On the Outside
the ones involved and to legally take
the responsibility, we are forbidden
As a Jewish American, I know how
by law.
much people change once they get to
Often until something affects you,
know someone, whatever their differ-
you don't fully understand it. And
ences are from others. As an adult, I
once it affects you, there is a whole
was suddenly a minority outside the
paradigm
shift. I think that if taxpay-
Jewish community in which I was
raised, surrounded by people who did ing Americans realized that they are
paying for the care of the children
not know much about Jewish people.
and partners of gays and lesbians, the
In fact, someone used the phrase
very people who legally would be the
Jew me down" in front of me, not
responsibility of, they would not be
realizing that it was an insult.
so
closed to letting gays and lesbians
As these individuals got to know
marry. The human face it would put
me, their opinions about Jews
on that would be your own. ❑
Joe Kort is a Royal Oak psychotherapist
and maintains a weekly updated Web
site at wwvv.joekort.com

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