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April 02, 2004 - Image 53

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 2004-04-02

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.


I

I
i

this book at this time?
SF: This book is a compilation of 35
years of practice. I've now seen the
mothers, the daughters and, in some
cases, the fathers and the sons. In
my growing up, my clientele has
grown up. I've gotten to recognize
where they came from and where
they're at.
I've had the opportunity to reflect
and wanted to write about prevent-
ing mistakes, correcting them and
reconsidering important values. I've
seen a lot of things that haven't
worked, and I think it's important to
think about them.

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JN: How does this book compare to
your previous books?
SF: It's more developed and round-
ed. My previous books were proba-
bly a little narrower in terms of their
topics.
Men Are Just Desserts was the
biggest book that I had, and it's still
used in women's programs at colleges
around the country. The message of
that book — you have to be a full
and complete person as a woman
before you choose a mate — still
stands. Women who
are not complete
LING, At.11101t.
will choose men
who are not com-
with CB. ticSwaat
plete.

JW Are the processes you describe
in your book what you practice in
your own life?
SF: I never have a set of rules for
others that I don't follow myself. I
think about how I could be better.

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any responsibility and continues
being abusive. It's wrong to allow
that to occur. Sometimes it is neces-
sary to step aside and have resolu-
tion without reconciliation.

JN: What do you want readers to
start thinking about as they
approach the
future?
NEW YOR K /MES
SF: They must
recognize their
part in what
they bring to
JN: What made you
the world and
decide to reveal
recognize that
your
own life in this
they are part of
book?
what the world
SF: What holds peo-
brings to them.
ple back is saying,
It is up to them
*tio.p frettepleA
esohtilllira ettalrips
"It's different for
how they decide
pea she heteee sior keep oe.
me."
That becomes.
to respond to
foot yew pssite
a
global
excuse to
what occurs.
• Pied do topple.*
se. :Roeoe
cease
putting
one
Getting to a
foot in front of the
mature place in
FROM
HOW
other and going for-
life involves rec-
ward. It's important
ognizing mis-
WHERE OL..i. ARE
for people to know
takes, owning
that I felt pain but
• . 10 . -WFJERE
up to them and
worked through it.
making choices
YOU WA )
about changing.
JN: How does indi-
The past does
viduality enter into the questions
not have to be the future.
and steps you list as part of chang-
ing?
JN: How do you describe relation-
SF: Each individual can use a pre-
ships as they enter into the mix?
scription for a signature self. I sug-
SF: Pain and rejection are a part of
life. There are very significant people gest that a person visualize a goal
— parents, siblings, children — who whatever that might be.
On a daily basis, every decision
treat us other than how we would
should be made after asking whether
like to be treated. We can either be
the decision moves the person closer
embittered by that or try to have a
or further from the goal.
better understanding of that.

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JN:"What are your thoughts about
maintaining relationships?
SF: My practice in the main is about
women and family matters, and I see
a lot of people who are not willing
to change their ways but feel entitled
to unconditional love or forgiveness.
It's really important to talk things
through and at the end make a deci-
sion about forgiving.
There are some relationships in
which an abuser doesn't own up to

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4/ 2

2004

53

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