MIWISTSIT Seer i ze":), nee: Lunch Dinner Order your Dinners and Homemade Soups for Passover THE BEST ZAH BALLS N TOWN! *Try our new Bread-less low-carb Sandwiches Great Homemade Soups! Daily Specials • Homemade Soups • Carryout. OPEN 7 DAYS Mon.-Sat. 10-9 • Sunday I0-3 248-926-9555 3426 E.West Maple @ Haggerty E Stationery Invitations Gifts Napkins Business Cards Birth Announcements 4076 West Maple Road Bloomfield Hills Michigan 48301 (248) 646-6700 4N 3/19 2004 36C 20% Discou t 817000 Old Is New Today's wedding customs reflect the past. MARLENA THOMPSON JEWISH TELEGRAPHIC AGENCY A ccording to. Jewish law, getting married is an exceedingly simple affair: The bride accepts something worth more than a dime (in today's currency) from the groom, the groom utters words of acquisition and consecration, these two actions are witnessed, and voila, the happy couple is married. All the rest are customs that have grown up through the ages. This is not to diminish the impor- tance of customs, however, because customs add measureless beauty and meaning to lifecycle milestones. Today, in fact, some of the most ancient practices are being rediscov- ered and "renovated" by couples seeking to blend tradition with a modern outlook on marriage. One such twist is that of the dou- ble-ring ceremony. Traditionally, marriage required only that the bride be given — and that she accept — something of nominal value froth the groom,. called a kinyan, today most often a simple ring. But Conservative and Reform rabbis find no legal objection to a woman also giving her husband a ring. (Orthodox rabbis say an exchange of rings invalidates the kinyan.) The rings are often inscribed with relevant phrases such as Eshet Chayil Ateret Bdalah (A Woman of Valor Is Her Husband's Crown), or Ani L'Dodi VT Dodi Li (I Am My Beloved's and My Beloved Is Mine). Another custom enjoying resur- gence is that of immersion in the mikvah, or ritual bath; before one's wedding. We know that the mikvah is an ancient institution because ves- tiges of one were found in the remains of the destroyed Jewish fortress at Masada. (The Christian ritual of baptism is based on mikvah immersion.) In Jewish life, mikvah is not cus- tom but law. According to the laws of family purity, sexual relations between a husband and wife are pro- hibited during the wife's menstrual period and for seven days after. During that time, the woman is con- sidered to be "impure." Before sexual relations can resume, the wife must go to the mikvah. An indoor mikvah collects rain water, but any body of natural water — a lake, a river, an ocean — suf- fices. The mikvah is reserved for married women and brides-to-be and, in some cases, conversions. Because mikvah is associated with the so-called "impurity" of menstru- ating women, many women have shunned it, considering it to be a relic of an archaic, patriarchal age. But it is making a comeback as a symbol of spiritual purification. Ancient practices are-being rediscovered and "renovated." In fact, there has been a revival of the Sephardic custom of turning the pre-wedding visit to the mikvah into a celebration. It is not unusual these days for a prospective bride to visit the mikvah with women friends who strew flower petals in her path as she emerges from the water and regale her with wine, sweets and song. Other future brides gather with their female friends and relatives on the shores of a river or lake and recite poems and blessings prior to her immersion. The Contract Another ancient component of mar- riage that has lately been trans- formed is the ketubah (marriage con- tract). The earliest formulation was written by Shimon ben Shetach, head of the ancient rabbinical court, at the end of the first century. Spelling out a husband's obligations to his wife, the ketubah was a radical document in its day because it pro- vided women with legal status and rights in marriage. Until recently, the ketubah's text remained virtually unchanged. But many couples who consider the tra- ditional ketubah to be out of touch with contemporary views on rela- tionships are creating new ones. Whereas the original ketubah was about a man's obligations to his wife, modern versions of the document are typically egalitarian. Many ketubot now include parallel declara- tions of commitment made by both bride and groom with a joint decla- ration of faith in God and a connec- tion to the Jewish people. Whereas the original ketubot were written in Aramaic, modern docu- ments are usually drafted in both Hebrew and English. Having a ketubah professionally calligraphed and made even more special with customized decorations has also become popular. The chuppah, or canopy, under which the bride and groom are mar- ried, and which symbolizes their new Jewish home, is also getting an update. In some communities, it is traditional for the bride and groom to marry beneath a tallit, often a family heirloom, or simply to use the stationary chuppah provided by the synagogue. Some creative couples are choosing to make their own chuppahs. Some women hold chuppah parties — a gathering that resembles old fash- ioned "quiltings" in that friends of the bride create individual squares that are later sewn together. Or friends can decorate a piece of cloth with special sayings and personal well wishes, using fabric pens and paints. Although wedding customs may be cherished simply because of the his- tory and tradition they represent, ultimately what keeps them alive is their relevance in a changing world. Ancient wedding customs imbued with a modern spirit provide couples with both a link to the past and a hand in shaping the future they will be sharing. II Reprinted with permission from JewishFamily. corn, a service of Jewish Family & Life.