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• Bar/Bat Mitzvah
• Graduation
• Birthday
• Anniversary

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RABBI DANIEL KOHN
JEWISH TELEGRAPHIC AGENCY

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How to be a bar or bat mitzvah guest:
A guide to the synagogue service.

=OM
'OSA
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on The Boardwalk

248.851.5030!

r ou have been invited to
the bar or bat mitzvah of
a friend or family mem-
ber. Now what? What are
you supposed to do once you get
there? How do you act?
Many families compose brief
guides to help guests feel comfort-
able at the worship service that
serves as a rite of passage for a
'Jewish child.
For their daughter Joelle's bat
mitzvah in New York, Barry and
Beverley Kaplan printed a guide that
explained the service as well as items
found within the sanctuary, which
came in handy not only for their
guests but also for others in atten-
dance that morning who were not
familiar with a synagogue service.
"You have to gauge your audience
properly and plan your program
accordingly," said Beverley. "If 99
percent of your crowd is Jewish, it's
silly to tell them what a bar mitzvah
is."
Whether you are Jewish or not,
the following are general expecta-
tions for synagogue behavior:

• DRESS:

Thunderbird
Lanes

Guests at a bar or bat mitzvah held
at synagogue generally wear more
formal clothes — for men, either a
suit or slacks, with tie and jacket,
and for women, a modest dress or
pantsuit. In more traditional com-
munities, married women cover their
heads with a doily or hat.

Nr

"Your Party Headquarters"

- ARRIVAL TIME:

We specialize in group and corporate parties
as well as Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs.
Party sizes 10 to 250 people.

An invitation usually notes the syna-
gogue's official starting time for the
weekly Sabbath service. Family and
invited guests try to arrive at this
time, even though the bar or bat
mitzvah activities, such as reading
from the Torah on Shabbat morning,
may occur somewhat later in the
service, after preliminary prayers.

400 W. Maple • Troy, MI
248.362.1660
Fax: 248.362.1970

tor book( -wild :
otography

• WEARING A PRAYER
SHAWL:
The tallit, or prayer shawl, is tradi-

photographic artist,
melissa hutchinson

3/19
2004

34C

tionally worn . by Jewish males and,
in liberal congregations, by Jewish

248-6 24'444

817780

women. Because the braided fringes
at the four corners of the tallit
remind its wearer to observe the
commandments of Judaism, wearing
a tallit is reserved for Jews. Although
an usher may offer you a tallit at the
door, you may decline it if you are
not Jewish or are simply uncomfort-
able wearing such a garment.

• WEARING A HEAD
COVERING:
A kippah, or head covering (called a

yarmulke in Yiddish), is traditionally
worn by males during the service
and also by women in more liberal
synagogues. Wearing a kippah is not
a symbol of religious identification
like the tallit, but is rather an act of
respect for God and the sacredness
of the worship space.

Take your
cue from
the other
worshipers
or the rabbi's
instructions.

• MAINTAINING
SANCTITY:

All guests and participants are
expected to respect the sanctity of
the prayer service and the Sabbath
by setting cell phones and beepers to
vibrate or turning them off, not tak-
ing pictures, not smoking in or out-
side the synagogue, not writing and
not recording audio or video tapes.

• SITTING AND
STANDING:

Jewish worship services can be ath-
letic, filled with frequent directions
to stand for particular prayers and sit
for others. Take your cue from the
other worshipers or the rabbi's
instructions. Unlike kneeling in a
Catholic worship service — which is