HOUSE
HOME
TO
Wish List For 20
Editor's note: Harry Kirsbaum has
long been a disruptive influence in
the Jewish' News lunchroom. He
doesn't just read the newspaper, he
screams at it, just as we're sure he
screams at the television at home.
In'August 2001, it got so bad, the
staff got together and came up with
"What's Eating Harry Kirsbaurn," an
online column --- a place where he
could spout off on the cultural and
political misdeeds he saw lurking in
every corner. It also was a way to take
back our lunchroom.
Now we are bringing his column
into print. So enjoy "Last Call." Or
not.
Just remember that we are not
just doing this for you, we are
doing this for us.
he deluge of
year-end
issues in
newspapers and
magazines is over.
While we can all
read the psychic
forecasts for this
year in the super-
market tabloids,
HARRY
here's a list of things I
KIRS BAUM
wouldn't mind seeing
Staff Writer
by the end of 2004:
Kobe Bryant is found
innocent of sexual assault, and
rebuilds his good-guy image in the
NBA as a high-scoring philanderer.
Eminem is thrown off the Sesame
Street set after picking a fight with
Kermit.
On a celebrity edition of Fear Factor,
Al Franken is forced to banter with a
lithium-free Ann Coulter. Bill O'Reilly
does stand-up at an Al Sharpton fund-
raiser.
When Yasser Arafat seeks political asy-
lum, Michael Jackson offers a room at
the Neverland Ranch, as long as he
wears that "schoolboy outfit."
While vacationing in Florence,
Attorney General John Ashcroft resists
the impulse to buy Michaelangelo's
statue of David a pair of pants.
THIS SEASON,
TRANSFORM YOUR HOUSE
INTO THE HOME OF YOUR DREAMS.
THE PROFESSIONALS AT
CONSTRUCTION! ZONE HAVE 26
YEARS OF EXPERIENCE IN MAKING
DREAMS COME TRUE.
Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Paris
Hilton, Ally Hilfiger and the casts of
the last three "Real World" series are
featured in "Trivial Pursuit 2004: The
Shallow Lives Edition."
Proctologists discover an unexpected
tool for diagnosing polyps when a
man is caught taking locker room
photos with his cell phone.
FROM A KITCHEN OR
BATHROOM REMODEL TO
AN ENTIRE UPSCALE RE-DO.
KITCHEN & BATHS
ADDITIONS & DORMERS
HOME OFFICES
RECREATION ROOMS
Steve Bartman
LICENSED SINCE 1976
Chicago Cubs fan Steve
Bartman throws out the first
pitch to start the 2004 World
Series against the Detroit Tigers.
A guy can dream, can't he?
With new digs in Las Vegas,
Ben Affleck proves to his fans
that charity begins at the gam-
ing tables.
CLAe. NAHB
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF HOME BUILDERS
CALL US FOR A FREE ESTIMATE
Osama Bin Laden
248-593-0975
CONSTRUCTION
.M1
.„. 1 7.k1 ■ 1111F-
Inik ■ wri.orIllinaft.
Pres. Bush and Barney
Running out of real
stars, "Inside the Actor's
Studio" host James
Lipton interviews some
guy named Kyle.
4
Pr
R ENOVATIO
80
•1 ■ 1•1•1
ff
BUIL DER•REA LTOR'
795820
The Detroit Lions
defeat Auburn
University to win the
Holiday Bowl.
After taking a shortcut to win the
race, that kid in the Hummer
commercial gets beaten up by his
friends.
Rush Limbaugh accepts an invita-
tion to join the board of Purdue
Pharma, manufacturers of
OxyContin.
Ludacris becomes the "Fourth
Tenor."
The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's
Fab Five redoes the San Quentin death
row "loft" holding Scott Peterson —
in earth tones.
Jeff Probst and eight cast members are
injured in a drive-by shooting while
filming "Survivor: South Compton."
President Bush and
his dog Barney play
fetch on the White
House lawn ... with
Osama bin Laden's
fern ur. I 1
STAR
TRAX
EVENT PRODUCTIONS
The Greatest Interactive
Entertainment in the Country
is in your Back Yard!
248.263.6300
THANK
YOU
FOR YOUR BUSINESS
DETROIT JEWISH NEWS
Fab Five
1/ 2
2004
55