REFUSING To BE ENEMIES from page 49
Most are secular Muslims, Christians and Jews.
Several belong to a synagogue; none are members
of mosques or churches. All the Arabs interviewed
said they are culturally Arab and enjoy their holi-
days, the food and family gatherings. Two of the
Arab women are married to Jewish men.
Although several have belonged to Arab-Jewish
discussion groups before, this one, all agree, is the
most successful for them. There is chemistry
among them. Their commitment to each other —
no matter the pressures from their communities —
has been very important, along with the comfort
and trust they share with each other.
Both Arab and Jewish women have complained
about pressures from their own groups.
"We're asked to take a stand with our respective
ethnic group and we're perceived with some sense
of suspicion or threat when we're open to hearing
the stories from all perspectives," says White, who
lived on a kibbutz in Israel.
She says it's always easier to establish a person-
to-person connection and find the common
ground than it is to struggle with the more
entrenched institutional framework.
Several Arab women who had been in Jewish-
Arab groups in the past expressed ambivalence
when first joining another. Rabia Shafie, 57, a
Muslim from Nablus, says that in a former group,
Jewish women backed out when they wanted to go
public with a newspaper article.
Randa Nasir Ajlouny, 29, of Ann Arbor, a
Palestinian, had reservations. Her friends did not
think this group would be worth her time, but her
mother and other Zeitouna members encouraged
her to give it a try.
"We're very open with each other and we're not
afraid to speak our minds," says Ajlouny, whose
parents live in the West Bank, where her father is
president of Birzeit University.
She says it was important that the group hear her
family's story.
Ajlouny's personal narrative involves her father,
who was deported from Birzeit when she was 1.
Her family eventually moved to Jordan to be with
him until the Oslo accords 10 years later, when he
was allowed to return home.
But even today, she says, it is difficult to visit her
and her husband's families in the West Bank. She
told the group that clearing protective checkpoints
set up by Israel can be an extremely long and
sometimes insulting process.
Toward A Just Peace
The ability of the group to hear each other —
whether they agree with the perspective or not —
has been a moving experience.
"This group is sheer pleasure," says Benita
Kaimowitz, 68, a member of Temple Beth Emeth,
who grew up in a Zionist family. "With these
women, I feel an optimism for a situation that for
so long has been very painful to me because of my
deep care about Israel."
Abed, who came to this country from Nablus
with her family 36 years ago for safety and educa-
tion, says, "My humanity is restored here. We meet
at each other's houses, eat each other's food, meet
7/11
2003
50
our families. We discuss difficult issues but we also
celebrate life."
Says White, a psychotherapist and filmmaker,
"This group creates optimism about the Middle East
situation by refusing to be enemies. We see the rich-
ness and complexity of people and don't have sim-
plistic solutions [for how to live with each other]."
"It's a safe haven," says Carol Haddad, 53.
"When I leave, I can't wait for our next meeting."
Her grandfather was from Lebanon and Syria,
and he studied in Jerusalem before coming to
America.
"We are learning together," Shafie says.
"I'm finding commonalities," says Johanna
Epstein, 47, a member of Ann Arbor's Jewish
Cultural Society. "We even look alike. It's very nice
and comfortable to be in a room with all Semitic.
women."
Yet, pain brought Zeitouna together, along with
a strong commitment to peace, justice and political
action.
Abed is a marketing director for a consulting
firm. She said she was very upset when Israel re-
occupied the West Bank in the wake of the suicide
bombing at a Passover Seder in 2002, when 29
Israelis were killed. While despising the killing of
the Jews, she says, she also was "overtaken by
hatred because of the brutality of the re-occupa-
tion."
"And I refuse to indulge in hatred," she says. "It's
the worst thing to do to myself. It's important not
to lose my humanity. And both Palestinians and
Jews have become so dehumanized."
Nine years ago, she joined then-State Sen. Lana
Pollack's dialogue group with Arab and Jewish
women that lasted a little over a year.
Living Peace
Arab Jewish Israeli family works for peace in hard times.
SHARON LUCKERMAN
Staff Writer
am Butter moved to
Israel from Ann Arbor in
1979 because she wanted
to change the world.
"I wasn't needed in America,"
she says, "but there was a lot of
work to do in Israel, and I
belonged here."
Today, Butter is making a dif-
ference through her grassroots
efforts to improve relationships
between Arabs and Jews — and
she started in her own home with
husband Sadik Nassar, an Arab
Israeli. They met at Tel Aviv
University, where Nassar was her
pre-law tutor. Married for 20
years, they have two daughters,
Ameli, 15, and Shirin, 11.
A trained social worker weaned
on the civil rights movement that
attracted her parents, Irene and
Charles Butter of Ann Arbor, Butter
was stunned by the prejudice
between Arabs and Jews in Israel.
"I couldn't close my eyes to
what was going on here," she says.
"This is a challenge I must meet."
In Israel, the younger Butter is
taking her own steps toward unit-
ing people from the two cultures.
She put law on hold so she could
focus on Arab-Jewish relations.
She participates with her husband
in silent peace walks around the
area and helped an Arab village
circumstance. "You can't be a citi-
start a Waldorf School for chil-
zen of Israel and against the land,"
dren with special needs.
he says.
The first Arab-Jewish festival
Butter reflects on her family,
was held at Kibbutz Harduf in
and the compromises and issues of
the Galilee, where the couple
tolerance they deal with. "It's not
moved with their daughters this
always easy," she says. "It's hard
past year. Though Arabs have
work. But we've learned to listen
high positions in the kibbutz
industries, Nassar is the first Arab to each other with an open heart.
"There are people among Jews
to live there. His wife is raising
and Arabs who want to meet and
money to create a multi-cultural
build community together and
Jewish-Arab center on the kib-
equally share the resources we
butz, the first in the Galilee.
have," says Butter. "They're the
"We need to have cultural
richest resources we have. They're
things to do together, share holi-
the future of our nation."
days and values," she says. "We
need a meeting place, a cafe, a
place for festivals, classes for chil-
dren, women ' s
groups.
Pam Butter Nassar ofKibbutz Harduf shown
She feels the gov- with daughter _Amelie, left, and mother, Irene
ernment is spend-
Butter; right, works tirelessly fir peace in Israel.
ing so much on the
military for defense
that not enough is
left for important
peace projects.
Her husband puts
it simply: "Violence
in Israel should not
take place, Nassar
says. "It doesn't help
at all."
He believes Israeli
Arabs have a right to
show their sympa-
thies, but not to give
assistance to or con-
done violence in any