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May 30, 2003 - Image 66

Resource type:
Text
Publication:
The Detroit Jewish News, 2003-05-30

Disclaimer: Computer generated plain text may have errors. Read more about this.

Arts & Entertainment

Love And Marriage

Just North of Maple across from Meijers
6343 Haggarty Road
West Bloomfield, Ml 48322
248.699.7400

Rediscovering Passion

abbi Shrnuley Boteach cer-
tainly understands how to
churn out surefire bestsellers.
With titles like Kosher Sex, Dating
Secrets of the Ten Commandments, or
his latest tome on love, Kosher
Adultery: Seduce and Sin With Your
Spouse (Adams Media Corp.;
$23.95), the books must almost lit-
erally fly off the shelves into the
arms of eager readers, some of
whom I'm sure restrict their reading
of "sex" books to those written by
rabbis.
Actually, much of what this
Orthodox rabbi says in Kosher
Adultery, at least up to a point, is
not very controversial and probably
would be endorsed by many
Orthodox and other rabbis — and
priests and ministers for that matter.
After years of marriage, Boteach
notes, the blush comes off the rose,
as the initial ardor of love cools and
boredom overtakes passion in the
couple's sexual relationship. When
that happens, the husband and wife
may be tempted by the excitement
of adultery, which endangers the
marriage and family.
"Seducing and sinning with your
spouse," to paraphrase the book's
subtitle, could save the marriage, the
rabbi writes. "The biggest marital
problem of all is the loss of passion
in long-term relationships and the
resulting alienation of husbands and
wives.

R

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d

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5/30
2003

66

"This is where the subject of adul-
tery comes in; locked within its
mysteries, we can unravel the secret
to restoring passion in a marriage.
Adultery is perhaps the only thing
that can restore excitement and
wonder to a marriage."
It's when Boteach begins making
concrete suggestions that he may
leave some more of his fellow clergy
behind.
For example, in one exercise, "The
Erotic Interrogation," he recom-
mends that a couple share with one
another sexual fantasies about other
people.
Another exercise he advocates,
"Encouraging Sexual Curiosity,"
suggests that wives keep "their hus-
bands guessing" about their faithful-
ness and husbands become peeping
Toms ("Some nights when it's really
dark, stand outside your bedroom
window and watch her get dressed
and undressed when she thinks
nobody is looking").
In "Starting a Secret Affair," he
recommends deceiving your spouse
by creating a fictitious e-mail admir-
er, who writes to your spouse and
for whom you would then feign jeal-
ousy.
In his exercise "Becoming a Total
Sexual Partner," Boteach's advice
includes going to a sex shop togeth-
er to buy "all kinds of sex toys," call-
ing a 900 phone sex line together
and a wife making erotic photos

OUR NEW HOURS
Tuesday thru Thursday.;
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West Bloomfield (248) 538-8884

ea Bayers Rapp, a New Jersey
freelance writer whose 21
books have ranged from How
to Put Your Kid in Show Biz to How
to Profit From the Coming Land
Boom, has turned her attention to
weddings. .
Mazel Toy! The Complete Book of
Jewish Weddings (Citadel
Press/Kensington Publishing Corp.;
$13.97), another how-to, starts with
engagements and ends with a plan-
ning timetable. Along the way, the
author gives attention to ceremonies,
bridal parties, foods, limousines,
clothing, honeymoons and pictures
— all with Jewish perspectives.
"People can get uptight when
planning weddings, and I wanted

L

this to be fun," Rapp says. "I give
practical advice in a way that I hope
makes for enjoyable reading."
Rapp approached this book project
by going from tradition to tech. As
examples, she talks about religious
restrictions associated with choosing
a wedding date, and she tells how to
set up a wedding Web site so that
those involved can keep up with the
latest planning decisions.
Rapp, who became Conservative
after growing up in an Orthodox
home, did a lot of research to cover
all the details that go into assuring a
successful event regardless of reli-
gious orientation. Besides crivin ,
space to Old-World styles, the
author talks about egalitarian, inter-

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