ater dripping on one's fore-
head, one tormenting drop
at a time. Being punctured
inside an Iron Maiden.
Having one's limbs stretched apart on
No, I'm not going to regale you with
tales left over from Halloween. All of the
above are forms of torture used from
MANELLO early days of "civilization." Not all tor-
but it's torture nonethe-
less. For your considera-
• The squealing of chalk
on a blackboard. I must
admit to having used this
as a management device
in my teaching days.
Now, however, I under-
stand that white boards
and markers are in use.
• Reverberations of
"music" felt through the
roadway and closed car
windows from those shar-
ing the road. And is it
any wonder that our
young people do not hear
as well as they might?
• A co-worker's chair badly in need of a spray to rid
itself of the squeak.
• Traveling through an Orlando,. Fla., ride and never
being able to shake the sounds of "It's a small world
• Sitting in blistering heat while stuck in road con-
struction zones. This "trap" does not bode well in frigid
• Being bombarded by inane TV ads every 10 min-
utes, especially when they destroy any mood that may
have been created by the movie.
• Having to be seated in a restaurant near a child
whose parent is completely oblivious to the repeated,
whiny, "Mom, Mom, Mom."
• Bearing witness to an abuse of the latest fad of body
piercing. Can't a statement be made without mutilation
of the person? And we thought the Iron Maiden was
• The ringing of the phone at dinnertime. We know
full well that there
is a telemarketer's
pitch waiting to
. • The cracking
of knuckles, espe-
cially from some-
one near you at a
• The sour notes
at a violin recital.
This torture, how-
ever, is to be
endured with a
smiling face; after
all, your kid is a
• You are about
to sneeze; it is
before the big
one says, "Bless you." The sneeze deflates.
• Trying to sleep in a room with an insomniac hamster
in a squeaky wheel.
The worst torture is to hear a really corny joke. For
Teacher: Who in our babysitters' class can tell me the
best way to drive a baby bu.ggy.
Student: Tickle its feet.
t the onset of every Jewish
holiday, traditional Jews
light candles and conclude
with the Shehechiyanu bless-
ing, thanking God for allowing us to
reach the occasion. There is one excep-
tion when candles are lit but that
prayer is not recited. When?
ITIUDADS atp jo QA3 aqLuiamstry
"What matters is building a commu-
nity of communities, where participa-
tion is more important an affiliation,
where doing Jewish matters more than
— Richard Joel, in his final address as
president and international director of
Hillel• The Foundation for Jewish
Campus Life, before moving on to head
Yeshiva University in New York City.
A papa bird once known as Herm
Asked, "How do you sit and not
Your zitz flaish* is rare ...
Gedult** with a flair."
7Ain brairah,"*** she shrugged. "Pass
"As I add an extra Shabbat candle for my newborn sweet girl, I think
about how much light she brings into my life — and how much light
her soul brings into the world."
— Klara Stern, West Bloomfield
Sponsored by Lubavitch
To submit a candlelighting
message or to receive
and information on Shabbat
candlelighting, call Miriam
Amzalak of Oak Park at
(248) 967-5056 or e-mail•
Martha Jo Fleischmann
* (literal) sitting meat
*** There's no choice. (What choice
do I have?)
Family status or prestige.
Friday, April 25, 8:07 p.m.
Friday, May 2, 8:15 p.m.
Saturday, April 26, 9:14 p.m.
Saturday, May 3, 9:23 p.m.
Source: From The New Joys of Yiddish
by Leo Calvin Rosten, edited by
Lawrence Bush, copyright 2001, by
the Rosten Family LLC. Used by per-
mission of the Rosten Family LLC.