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HARR KIRSBAUM?
www.detroitjewishnews.com
Ann Arbor
usan Gelman, a University of
Michigan psychology professor
with three young children, says
that even when we don't talk to our
children about war, they pick it up
from others and try to make sense of it.
"Parents should sit down and talk to
kids in age-appropriate way — espe-
cially if kids show interest and have
questions," she said.
She suggests following their lead in
knowing how much to answer.
Sometimes, the depth of their questions
depends on how aware and how curi-
ous they are about the world around
them. Young children, especially, want
to know how it affects them directly.
"You don't want to introduce ideas to
a child who hasn't yet been thinking
about them," she said. "Like for a pre-
school child, you could make it more
threatening by introducing more
dimensions they're oblivious about. But
you don't want to talk down to an
older child who is thinking about this."
On a more specific level, the United
Synagogue of Conservative Judaism
has compiled a list of guidelines to
help children better understand and
cope with the subject of war.
• Mention that although some sol-
diers are wounded or killed, most
come home unharmed.
• Let them know you're accessible to
answer questions.
• Let them understand the serious-
ness of war and hear your concerns,
but allow them to view the future with
hope and optimism.
• Know that children can be upset if
they feel you are overly fearful or are
having difficulty handling the situation.
• Allow them to communicate their
feelings — by talking or nonverbal
media like drawing.
• Avoid false reassurances such as,
"Everything will be all right."
• Reassure them that you will do all you
can to make it as safe for them as possible.
• Reassure them that the conflict is
taking place very far away.
• Understand that even if a child's
anxiety is unrealistic — like fear that
their home may be damaged — the
fears are real to them.
A bibliography of writings about the
Jewish ethical perspective of war and peace
is available by accessing the Web site at:
wvvw.uscj.org/images/bibliography.pdf
or calling (212)-533-7800.
— Sharon Zuckerman,
Shelli Liebman Dorfman, staff writers